VILLAINS [ALTERNATIVE Chapter 1] [[Unfinished]]

Chapter 1: ARRIVAL1

I walked slowly, carefully. I had to put thought into every step I took. Every time I have this feeling my heart starts pumping faster and perhaps becomes louder. I’m not sure if my squad members can hear it; the thunderous beating of my heart gets practically loud enough that the noise reaches my ears and distracts me from my surroundings. Sometimes I wonder if the noise is even real of just imaginary. It has been ten months since this war started and yet I still have this feeling that haunts my being. At first I thought it was created by fear and fright. I’m not sure it’s that simple anymore. I’ve been having this feeling for a while now. More than fear, it’s a feeling of alarm. The atmosphere always gives me a sense of unease; it is such an uncomfortable feeling I have to deal with every time we go into battle.2

I still can’t believe this is all real. The war, the stupid war! God, many things changed so fast. I can still remember the days when I was simply a recruit. Nothing predicted this war would happen. Nothing seemed bad enough to cause World War 3. But somehow, it did happen. Thinks got out of control. I wasn’t strong enough. I couldn’t stop it. I left everyone down; I got some many innocent people killed simply because I was weak. It’s the main reason why I decided to join the army in the combat zone instead of seating behind a desk and giving orders. I started this, now I must end it fast!3

“James. James!”4

I blinked once and I was back on Earth. My heart was still beating the living hell out of me and the noise still trembled through my ears. The vision of my surroundings returned to my eyes. Seven men stood before me. They were young. Most were about my age, the others were a bit older. Still, none of them went over their 30’s. It is a shame realizing war drove them away from their families. Once again, it’s my entire fault. I drove them into this. And there, just beyond them, lied an empty city. The buildings were torn apart by numerous bomb explosions. The few hundred survivors fled the city while the ashes of those who died remain grudged to this damned-looking place. It feels like a ghost town, but it’s not. Somewhere in this city is a base infested with enemy soldiers. That is why I am here. I was ordered to come and take back control of our former base. It seemed like an easy task but ever since we stepped foot here I’ve been having that feeling. I hate it!5

I could see all seven of my men staring at me. Their mouths would move but all I would hear was the tremble coming from my heart. I squeezed my rifle’s handle just to make sure I wasn’t dreaming. It wasn’t a bad dream, I was actually here. The automatic rifle in my hand was real. The essence of loss and decay was real. Both the dark clouds and smoke in the sky seemed real. The blood rush and increase of adrenaline in my body was real.6

“James!” Abraham called to me. He walked up to me, placed his left hand over my left shoulder, and shook me gently. After receiving no reaction, he shook harder.7

“What?” I asked. I’m not sure why I asked that. I knew what was going on. I think I just needed to hear it from an honest voice. Abraham is 26 years old. I consider him the smartest person in my squad. He wears the typical nerdy glasses. He has brown hear and bright blue eyes. I’m guessing it’s those two things which actually make woman notice him. Either that or he uses his superior mind to get them, I don’t know. He’s not all that physically strong but he’s not chubby or skinny either. I’ve known him since before the war started. He’s the only guy in this squad which I actually feel the most connected to. Since the first day I met him I knew he was a hell of a smart guy. Actually, he’s one of the smartest persons I know, even smarter than me. That’s why I urged to have him in my squad. I guess having had a father who served the military for 50 years gives you somewhat privileges. In fact, my father’s the only reason I joined the army in the first place. 8

And here I was again, losing my mind into thoughts again. I’m not much of a distracted person. I just reflect too much on life and the mistakes I’ve made. Trying to find a way to fix the damage I’ve caused. But I know I can’t change much by spacing out, I need to act more.9

“You there?” Abraham asked.10

“Yes, sorry,” I responded. I pulled my rifle up and held it with both hands.11

“What’s wrong? Are you having that feeling again?” Abraham asked, leaning to whisper to my right ear. I had told him a while back that I was having this uncomfortable feeling each time we came close to battle and danger. I had asked for his opinion since he’s smart and could probably tell me what was troubling me. He said he had no idea, that maybe it was caused by my GIFT. But no, that couldn’t be right. My GIFT had nothing to do with this.12

“Yes, I feel it again. It’s so disturbing,” I whispered back.13

“I already shared my opinion. I think it’s caused by your ABILITY. Maybe one of them, or maybe even I have…”14

“Shit! Run!” I couldn’t tell which of my men yelled out the warning. Everyone scattered to find a place to shield themselves from the rain of bullets. We had been standing in the middle of a long, empty street surrounded by abandoned buildings. The rain of flying bullets was coming from the other end of the road, towards the direction of the city. A bright light started forming in the distance. It began increasing in size. No, it really wasn’t. It was coming closer, coming straight at me! And while everyone else ran to take cover, the feeling of alarm paralyzed my muscles and my body froze.15

“Damn it James! Move!” Matt, another man from my squad yelled. He jumped and shoved me out of the way. I fell rough on the ground. I scratched my hands on the ground and my uniform was dirty with cement dust. I forced myself up using my rifle and sat next to Matt who was facing the opposite direction of the shooting.16

“Thanks,” I expressed with gratitude. He had saved me from that light, whatever it was. “I thought I was a goner.”17

“No problem,” he responded. “Just because I’m NORMAL doesn’t mean I can’t do useful things.”18

I kept silent a responded with a simple smile.19

NORMAL? I never considered myself as non-NORMAL. I would always think of myself as SPECIAL, not some kind of freak. I know some people don’t consider us normal but I know they’re just afraid of the unknown. Others don’t fear us, yet they make remarks, such as Matt has done right know. I know he doesn’t see me as a freak. He’s one of the first persons to see my ABILITY in action. He saw what I could do and admired me. He never had the thought of me being a freak. He was comprehensive.20

I met Matt on the day when everything messed up; the day my weakness started this war which changed so many things but not for the better. Matt is just 20 years old. He joined the military fresh out of high school and learned shooting and combat skills at a fast rate. I’m not sure what it was but something drove him into the military. Something made him emotionally strong and filled him with cravings to become more. He’s always trying to do great things that are far beyond his capacity. He’s simply a young, average-height guy with brown hair, and green eyes that want to save the world on their own. 21

“What do we do now?” Matt asked. He sat there, looking at me while getting his rifle closer to his body.22

“Observe,” I responded. I laid my rifle on the ground to my right and turned to face the direction where the danger was located. Matt imitated my movements except he didn’t let go of his rifle. I scanned the area as fast as I could. All of my men had found safe places to cover from the shooting; I wouldn’t have to worry about them. I scanned toward the direction where the bullets where coming from. I could only see ten men, including the one with the ABILITY.23

“That’s him, right? The blonde man, he was the one with THAT ability.”24

“Yes,” I responded. It was a man who appeared to be shorter than me by just a few inches. He had blonde spiky hair and was wearing a scarlet red uniform, just like the rest of his men. I was guessing he was the leader. A bit later after the war started and the world governments discovered there were superhuman-powered individuals, they were the ones put in charge of the small squads, just like myself. It wouldn’t be surprising if the enemy copied our war strategies.25

“Let me take him down,” Matt offered.26

“No!”27

The blonde man stood inside of a building with his hands at the level of his head and completely involved in bright yellow lightning. The wall had falling apart through the center of the building all the way to the ground. Only the right half of the building remained in place. The man was covering on the wall of the second floor. The building wasn’t far from where my men and I were standing. From my position, I could see right into the blonde man’s eyes. He was rolling his them rapidly back and forth. I could tell he was looking for me, the squad’s leader. I could even read his lips ‘where are you?’ Of course, he doesn’t know I’m the leader; he’s just waiting for someone to respond to his electrical bursts to another POWER.28

“Como on. He doesn’t look that tough,” Matt argued. 29

Author notes

Ok, so here's the think. I started writing a novel kind of thing and posted it up here, the link is: http://storywrite.com/story/266826
All I want to know if this new verson is better than what I originally wrote. All comments are welcomed. Just remember this new version isn't finished yet. Didn't want to waste my time on something if other's didn't think it was good. So...the comments will tell me if I should continue or not. Thanks.

Is this any better?

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Comments

  • MattSmith
    May 21

    Edit | Reply

    Really good

    I just came on looking to read a few stories and post some of my own but this was amazing I cant wait for the next part of it

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.

  • Wow, I cant bealive how the story line un folded in this, great work here, And keep writting I cant wait to read more!
    ~ Chelsey

  • This is very nicely written. I'm dying to know what the 'ability' is though.

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.

  • Dean83
    May 19

    Edit | Reply
    Well I haven't read your other story, but I found this one very interesting.
    The opening lines of your story reminded me personally of Edgar Allan Poe's "The Tell-Tale Heart", how James was unsure to the real volume of the beating of his own heart.
    I think you have created the basis for a set of stories if you choose, by writing it in the way you have.
    Creating it in a war environment, and mentioning side characters early on is good, as you can also choose to later write from these characters perspective also, and reflect on parts of the story again from a different view point.
    I'll be interested to read more.
    Keep up the good work, as it is a very promising and creative story which others will also enjoy.

    beginning: 4, language: 3, plot: 4, ending: 4, dialog: 4, characters: 3.