Elone

Joseph layed on the couch. the house was bare and silent. He fell into his head, and landed in dreams..........................................1

Joseph layed on the couch, still- at times tossing and turning. the T.v. was blaring Telemundo- the local Spanish/Mexican channel- that he loved so dearly. The phone began to ring. He wouldn't barely open his eyes. The phone continued to scream...as he continued to lay in his own silent protest. It shrieked through him, he knew at a point he needed to answer it. he didn't want to upset the phone gods- and it might be an important phone call for him, about some gig for his band. They have have been needing a new place to play. When he is front of a live audience, that's when Joseph becomes entirely alive. He lived to straddle his guitar, it was his lover beating him. He dreamt of whips and chains- though it was always ever a dream. As most of life is a waking illusion. The phone continued to scream, he finally got his beached bodie up- the couch was free to breathe.2

"Hello-" said Joseph half awake, and half still in la-la land.3

"Your twenty minutes late to work, and if your an hour late this time- you are fired." said the voice.4

"Oh hello- Chamberlain- it is always wonderful to hear your beautiful voice."5

"I don't need your poetics, you lazy slob. Just get to work, and remember i am married- to a great women-" said Chamberlain6

"But I want you, I need you." laughed Joseph as he hung up the phone. He walked over to the bathroom by the kitchen. He took out one of his many transsexual porns and began to wank out all his desires. He wanted to face the day at work with a clear consciousness, and there's nothing worse then a pent up sexual male. They are the worst. When he was done, he placed the last heated drop on his finger and tasted himself. Semen is a great for protein. He placed the magazine back on the floor, and flushed the toilet. The bathroom reeked of his sweat and desire. He sprayed some lemon pledge, and walked out of the bathroom. 7

He was exhausted, after his moment with himself. he made himself a peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Keith walked into the bathroom "So it's you, who's been getting peanut butter in the VCR! You break my damn chairs, and get peanut butter in the VCR!"8

"NO!" Joseph says as he bites into the sandwiches,and takes a swig of the milk. "Did you pee in this again?"9

"YES! I'm sick of you eating my food." says Keith laughing10

"I've become used to it." laughs Joseph. he gets done with eating his sandwiches, and finds his key. he walks over to the door- sticks the key into the door-opens it. "It's like looking out of a prison cell sometimes."11

"Don't forget to lock it this time, and bring home some milk for yourself- and don't forget last months rent money." screams Keith.12

"OK mom-" says Joseph as Keith walks up behind him.13

"Have a good day dear." Keith says as he pecks him on the lips.14

"OK- I'll bring you home some Reese Cups-" 15

"COOL!" says Keith." I just got some new boots. You wear them, and stomp on the Reese's, and I'll lick them off-clean. There's no wrong way to eat a Reese's."16

"Very true!" laughs Joseph, as he closes the door, locking it. He walks down the stairs and out to Fairfield. He walks over to the bus. within 20 minutes the bus comes. He walks to the back of the bus. he never likes to sit up front- it is his own quaint little protest against the white man regime. He was always sicken by the pictures and such he saw of people getting hosed back in the 50's. So he had to find some way to protest, even though it was the end of the 20th century. He had backed up guilt for being a white man. Which he had to deal with everyday. 17

He got to work. Chamberlain was at the door waiting for him. "Your late. But you do good work, so get in the kitchen, and clean those dishes." 18

"Why don't you just fire me one of these. I hate this job- and I steal from you?" 19

"Maybe one day- but I'll use you as much as I can- as much as you use me as well." laughs Chamberlain.20

"I want you, I need you." says Joseph putting his hand on Chamberlain ass. "Why can't you give your sweet little ass to me."21

"You know I have a wife now. I never meant to do those things to you- that was five years ago. I was different then." Says Chamberlain.22

"I want you, I need you." laughs Joseph putting his hand on Chamberlain ass. "Why can't you give your sweet little ass to me."23

"Why can't you get a life." screams Joseph.24

"I have one, i was yer dishes for 5.25 an hour- oh boy am i rich- and ya know the girls all flock around a dishwasher..." laughs Joseph as he takes a glass and fills it with some sprite. 25

"i should charge you for all the soda you drink- I'd probably just get rich off of yer intake of soda." says Chamberlain.26

"What an ingenious idea, charge your kitchen staff- you make money by just having me her. I do most of your dirty work. You charge like 15 dollars a plate, plus 2 bucks for each soda served. you only pay like $5 for a box of soda- and you can get like 1000 cups out that box. Which even with the refills and me drinking some- you profit like $1000 per box- that's like 200% profit- let alone you charging at least 15 bucks a plate for food, that only costs you what like 4 bucks at the most- ya you got to pay all your servers and such. Though they get ripped and only get payed 2.25/hr- kitchen staff at the most get 6 or 7- and us dishwashers/bussers get 5.25/hr- and we do the back breaking work. All you have to do is stand and look pretty- fuck off." Laughs Joseph.27

"College kids." says Chamberlain as he stomps off.28

"Hey i am no college kid, I think on my own." laughs Joseph as he walks over to the dish area. He puts on some music. He always brings some CD's with him. Today he brought Beach Boys "Pet Sounds", A House "I am the greatest" Christian Death "Only Theatre of Pain", and "Ashes"- with a punk mix time, and some of the original punk himself-Beethoven. He did what ever he could to pass the time. He helped the servers do their silver ware. though they became so used to it, that they always expected it. Though it didn't bother Joseph. He had an attraction to the one waitress, Suzy. he always attempted to talk to her-= and to get down her skirt. Though she always walk away from Joseph- and go flirt with Bruno. Bruno was a typical Bruno. He was dumb, had big muscles, always tanned- and the girls loved him. They seemed to cream in their panties over him. It was horribly disgusting. Joseph was no looker, though he was shy and sensitive. he wrote poetry. Always love ballads and sonnets. he was his own, never attempted to be a Shakespeare or Bukowski. He'd rather stand on his own two feet- he gave the dead ones his respect(because being ignorant of 4,000 years of writing is just plain stupid) though he had his own complete vision- whether people wanted to see it or not. He knew at one point they catch up to him. He was never short on ego. 29

After he would eat whatever people would leave on their plate. he got sick of eating ashes- though Chamberlain wouldn't let him eat anything, so a fat boy has to do what a fat boy has to do. the time came for him to leave. He dropped whatever it was he was doin- picked up his CD's and jacket- walked to the door. Chamberlain always flicked him off when he took his share of the nightly tips. It was nice that the waitress all left him something, for all the work he did for them. He walked out alone, as all the girls walked out with Bruno. 30

he walked over to the bus station. Some one walked by casually asking " Hey do you have a light?"31

"No- I don't smoke." laughed Joseph. "But my ass does."32

"Ya I smelt that as I was walking over here- stop eating eggs, dude." laughed the guy as he walked on his way.33

Joseph decided to walk to the trains. he got sick of buses. though he knew he would never be able to drive a car. He just didn't mix well with the automobile. He was prone to cause more damage- then actually get from point A to point B. 34

He got there, he waited. There was no one around. the station was bare and empty. This was completely unusual for 12 o'clock on a Saturday night.Everyone was prolly at the a show, or a concert. They were probably getting laid- or getting blown. Kinky sex makes the world go around. He wanted to get home, so he could look at his magazines. He loved she male erotica. There was nothing more beautiful to him, then a transsexual/she-male/transvestite. He was one himself once. Though he knew he looked horrible in drag- so he left it to the pretty women to doll themselves up. there was nothing like holding a dolled up women, in his arms. Though he staggered from one to the next. He loved his magazines, they were always there. They never asked much out of him, and he exposed himself of his pent up tension to them every day and night. It was his own release, there was nothing like it. No drug could come near it- no bodie warm enough for him. He sat with his eyes on the light, waiting for i to change green. Then he knew the train was coming. He became excited as the light changed. His bodie became erect- he knew what magazine he was going to first. He was very attracted to SASHA- she was the greatest transsexual ever- at least in porn. Though there was also the lovely Kimberly Devine. There was no sense of ever being a man in either- which was the biggest turn on about both, or any transsexual. He loved the way estrogen ripped into blood stream- destroying the evil that is testerone. It was pure heaven. He hadn't done some in a long time, though he knew it was time again to just complete the whole process. he wanted to destroy what appeared as a man. It was all that made him happy- was that destruction. 35

The train finally arrived. He went in, and sat down. He starred out t the window. He giggled like a school girl to himself. He was awakened, and in awe of his mind. the most powerful muscle on the body. He was bored by his penis, and the flesh that mounted on him. He was dulled by the excess that emerged in his gut as fat. He knew plastic surgery would take care of that. He dreamed of breasts. He wanted huge ones, though not to huge- it would be down right sexist to get like triple E's- all he really wanted was Double D's, so he could wear a bra. He really wanted more then anything to menstruate, and become pregnant. He suffered from an obtuse form of Menstrual Envy, which Freud had himself-though Freud took coke to get rid of it. Though most men have menstrual Envy. It's what keeps them going to way, war is menstrual envy at it's fullest. The only way a man knows how to feel, is to destroy. Which is why countries were first designed. 36

The train took off for his destination, west 25th street. It was a cold snowy day outside. A lady sat starring at him from the side. She was smiling, she began to laugh-hysterically. The trains lights flickered off and on. The lady sat in front of him, she smiled. "You wanna be free- hen just touch my hands." 37

"OK! I don't have to pay for this." laughed Joseph as he touched her hands. The lights again flickered off and on. When the lights again became stable he was astonished to see the lady nothing but a smoking skeleton before him. With a blink of an eye the skeleton fell to dust.38

'That was amazing." Joseph said. HE noticed that his voice was a higher pitch. His body seemed lighter, and he could feel his hair reaching the crack of his ass. He noticed that his hands were slight, and petite. His nails were made up. a light pink. He became aroused at the perfume he smelled all around him, though he began to realize it was from him. He became even more astonished when he glanced in the glass, and saw his reflection. He wasn't who left at the dish room. She was everything he ever dreamed. He became even more aroused, though the usual nuisance of the expanding cock didn't ruffle her panties. She was free of that parasite. She stuck her hands down her pants, touched her self-exploring herself, all the holes and ridges. She felt her breasts. She became giddy. " I am free!" she exclaimed. She noticed Bruno sitting down a ways. He began to watch her as she touched herself. He walked over to her.39

"Oh you little tramp, you know you called me over her...just by the way you look." says Bruno, licking his lips. "Let me join in, I'll make you a real women. You know you want me inside of you."40

"BRUNO NO!" Joseph said.41

"How did you know my name- you lil whore.'Bruno says as he pulls out his wallet throws money at her."OK I pay for mines- And I get it. All a women like you need is a man like me."42

"NO-Stop- Get off of me." Joseph screamed, kicking and punching Bruno. She pulled down Bruno's pants and ripped off his cock.43

"You bitch!" cried Bruno. "You Bitch!'44

"When a women says no that means no- and you stop and get off of her. Understand me.." says Joseph. "Oh by the way it's Joseph, I work with ya."45

"I always knew you were gay." laughs Bruno.46

"Ya I am happy now." Joseph says as she throws down Bruno's cock-steps on it. Forces it into his mouth. " Now you really get yours."47

"YOU WHORE!" gargles Bruno while swallowing his cock................48

Joseph open his eyes, he was still on the couch. He realized it was just an amazing dream. "Only if that could really happen." he laughed out loud to himself. He fell back to the pillow. and again was snoring extremely loud. The phone began to ring. It screamed, and wailed. He picked up his head "This is so dejavu." he laughs. he lets his head slam into the pillow. The phone again rings. He madly darts over to the phone. Though by the time he gets to the phone the phone stops ringing. He walks back to the couch, falling into the comfort of the couch. He flips madly through the TV though can't find anything to watch. "There are 200 channels, and nothing to watch." He says as he flips through his transsexual magazine. He adores all his tranny mags. He's had them for years. He always has had a love for transsexuals, it started when he saw Caroline Cosey in Playboy back in 1990. He hung her centerfold on his wall- people were disgusted that he had naked women on his wall. Though they never realized it was a naked transsexual women. though it didn't really matter, she was/is beautiful. He looked longly at SASHA and Kimberly Devine. There were no women like them. He was enthralled with the idea of switching himself. He hadn't been on estrogen in awhile- he loved to stare at pictures of transsexuals and attempt to find any maleness in them. Though In male to female transsexuals he could never find any sight of a man. HE also loved female to male transsexual. Though never was attracted to their male aspects. He loved a full transsexual, she males were partial transsexuals- though they kept their penis. Which sadden him quite often. He never felt to keen on his cock, he left it abandon-expect in his moments of playful interaction when he touched himself while gazing at KIMBERLY DEVINE.49

The phone it began to rang again. he was amused by it's screams that penetrated him down through his soul and out his cores. He was happy just sitting and reading his magazines. Though the phone again wouldn't leave him alone. He again got up between screams, he ran this time to the phone. Though by the time he got to the receiver, the phone ended it's maddening screams. He sat next to the phone for a brief second, though it layed docile-quiet. He got up and began to walk towards the couch,. by the time he reached the couch, and was about to place himself in it's comfort- the phone began to ring. With a rage he ran to the telephone, tripping over his own feet. When he got to the phone, the phone again stopped his ringing. With his Italian temper he threw the phone into the wall- it crumbled into bits and pieces.50

Joseph walked back to the TV he sat down. He flipped through the TV endlessly. Though there was nothing that could calm his mortal coil. He begin to hear a irregular voice scream: "I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by madness, starving hysterical naked,51

dragging themselves through the negro streets at dawn looking for an angry fix,52

angel headed hipsters burning for the ancient heavenly connection to the starry dynamo in the machinery of night,53

who poverty and tatters and hollow-eyed and high sat up smoking in the supernatural darkness of cold-water flats floating across the tops of cities contemplating jazz,........."54

Joseph began to scream, and wail dancing to the words themselfs naked and alone. He walked up to the TV- he picked it up- and threw it against the wall- falling to the floor laughing. 55

The screaming voice continued:They broke their backs lifting Moloch to Heaven! Pavements, trees, radios, tons! lifting the city to Heaven which exists and is everywhere about us!56

Visions! omens! hallucinations! miracles! ecstacies! gone down the American river!57

Dreams! adorations! illuminations! religions! the whole boatload of sensitive bullshit!58

Breakthroughs! over the river! flips and crucifixions! gone down the flood! Highs! Epiphanies! Despairs! Ten years' animal screams and suicides! Minds! New loves! Mad generation! down on the rocks of Time!59

He knew the words, and he Joseph sang along. They came closer, as he danced. The wall became engulfed in flame, as he danced with the words of SAINT ALLEN GINSBERG.60

he ran to to the kitchen. he got a pitcher of water, and a glass of orange juice for himself. he there the water at the flame-drank the glass of orange juice. He seemed a bit doused in his soul, though the fire would not die out. He unzipped his zipper, and pissed on the flames. It quietly died out. 61

Joseph mad and laughing with rage and joy. he ran to the door. Though it was locked. he couldn't find the key to get himself out. he rattled on the bars on the door, as though locked in prison. He was about to throw his fist through the window caged by bars- though his key jingled loudly from his pocket. his ear picked up on the sound, he dropped his maddening tighted fist. That strangled his position to a violent bubble of rage- though the sound of the juggling keys busted that suffocating bubble!62

Joseph unlocked the door. he ran down the stairs- freely out into the street. He tore off his shirt, to give air to his romping beating heart. The sun was freeing that golden of golden days. He left the door open. 63

He began to run without the site of his fit. His stomach out reached, and covered his shoes. 64

he was first stopped by an old man. "Do you have any socks, my feet are cold?" said the man. Joseph took off his shoes, and took off his socks. he handed them to the old guy, and put his shoes back on. Then he took off running, without a word or hand shake.65

He then stopped by the neighborhood store. there was a women stabbing her self with her nails in her eyes- laughing. There was nothing that Joseph could do. He didn't want to watch her torture any more. He reached out his hands to hers. He hugged her. She began to cry, no words could be spoken. She was free to see again. 66

He stopped over by the gas station, to refill on some air. He put the hose in his mouth, as the garage attendant doused him in water. Though he would not flee. he just stood there with arms out, and filling up his stomach and bodie on air. He there the hose back down to the ground. he threw the attendant a hundred dollar bill- though the air placed it in the hands of a blind bum who was sparring for change on the corner. The bum took the hundred with ease, and walked off on his way. Joseph did not see this for he ran, and ran further down the street.67

He stopped on the corner were it was empty, across the street from the bars- that ran wild and empty through the night. Their was a guy with his hands all over this screaming girl. Joseph saw, and ran over to her. Though he could only do what he could do. He punched him with his clenched barbarian fists. He tied the man to the tree-and hung him. Joseph took the guys pants, and cut off his cock- with a giant laugh. People came from houses from all around- to see what had hung- this guy would not hurt  that girl any longer. it may have been odd for some to see some white guy hanging from a tree bleeding, from where his cock once hanged.68

Joseph went on running. he couldn't stop. He noticed out of the corner of his eye- between all the people flocking to see the guy hanging and bleeding from the tree. He noticed a baby laying and screaming in the uncut grass in front of someones yard. Joseph stopped to give the baby some milk from the bottle laying next to it- though before Joseph could come near the baby- the baby became engulfed in flames- giggling at the dance of the fire.69

Joseph continued to run. He came upon the church down the end of the street. He started to walk in- to get some word and some water. though as he walked in...the church tumbled to the ground-fragile as it was. Joseph noticed it was all car board- though those lions of Christ inside continued to sing on. 70

Joseph walked back down the stairs, and ran into the street. There was a semi coming at him. Though he just stopped and layed out his hand-closing his eyes. The truck slammed down hard on it's breaks- blowing it's Horn. Joseph at the last second moved out of the way as the semi slammed into 3 cop cars as they were all huddled together eating their morning doughnuts.71

Joseph tired from his running, He strides into his walk. He was cooled by the sun-that torched hot and hard in the sky. He walked towards the bridge- always layed him with his lost youth- walking to the smoldering shade. He begin to her a song that captured his wandering heart "The end of the world ended yesterday, the end of the world ended yesterday!" He began to sing along. He came upon the party between angels and demons. there was fire in the center- some were off to the side- eating- some were holding hands- some were kissing and making out. There were a circle of angels and demons- holding hands and continuing to sing "The end of the world ended yesterday, the end of the world ended yesterday!" In the glory of the moment Joseph danced and continued to sing along with the angels and demons. Even god,Buddha,Allah,Krishna,Ra, Jesus, Lucifer and Mary decided to dance and sing along- everyone was invited.72

Joseph after shaking hands and hugging all that were there. He left with an easy consciousness of who he was- and all that he had attained. He was filled by all their warmth, and the goodies, love and goodness that they prepared. he went back home intoxicated by the revealing moment- that layed despaired and naked in the expanding universe in and out of time. 73

With a hop, skip and a jump- he reached home without bother. He was tired, though belly and soul filled. He walked up the stairs and tore off his clothes. he jumped in the shower, to clean his weary mind/soul/bodie. There is nothing like a shower, after not taking a shower for weeks on end. Joseph just layed under neath the water, as it was a warming reaching friend. Layers of his skin stated to peel into the water that engulfed his feet. He was nothing but bone, for all the flesh layed in the water. the bones began to crumble off piece by piece, to reveal Joseph new born. For skin lays buried beneath the bone. 74

Joseph fell out of the shower, and new on the floor. His hair down to ass-hands small, he seemed so much different then he was. he dried himself off. Only to gain amazement when he looked in the mirror, that he wasn't a he at all- but a beautiful women..at least to his eye. For beauty is in the eye of the beholder. 75

The shade of her skin, never seen before. No words could describe what she saw when she looked in that mirror. She walked over to the shower, to drain the water out of the tub. All that remained was her old dead skin and bones- of her former self. She was alive more as her, then the man she once thought she was. 76

"What am i going to call myself?" she said aloud to herself. There was no answer at all. For she was alone, alive with her self. "I will call myself Lynne-" she went about her way. She dove into her roommates closet. for none of her old clothes would fit anyway. She has always adored that tight black dress that layed buried in Marie's closet. So she took, she knew she'd give it back. She also took some panties and tampons as well. It was something she had to grow herself into- for she hasn't been blessed with this from birth, though now being a women was something she can become used to. It was always a dream of hers. 77

Lynne got her self all dressed up. it was no longer her way to dress for the world, she was now just dressing as herself. She walked back towards the bathroom, to tidy it all up. Though when got there she noticed the skin and bones were all gone and missing. All that was left were bloody foot prints that led outside and out the door. She was baffled as she was scared. Though nothing was bound to hurt her. She was a new women-free, alive- and willing to explore her complete self.78

Lynne walked out side with the opening of her new eyes. For she could feel the estrogen a ranging through her body- it was alive and kicking inside of her. She walked down the street-and over to the store. She grabbed some orange juice, a few bananas- and of course her lovely fruit pies. Even when she was a guy, she loved her fruit pies. Somethings can never change, at least the essences of the true self-always remain the same...no matter how the individual flows away from them self distorting their vision and life!79

She walked up to the counter and payed with cash. she noticed the familiar faces behind the counter, looking at her definitely. Though they didn't know she was once Joseph. They just saw her as any women, a bodie to be starred at. It is OK to adore, but once it is just a bodie one is starring at- it lays as rape and heartless derogation. 80

She walked out sadden and confused. She thought "maybe this is what I'll have to get used to. even if i don't like it. it's their heartless bondage-not mine!!!" She walked back to her house, though as she crossed the street- she was knocked down from behind. Her skirt was lifted, and her panties broken. As she was viley entered. She attempted to fight the brute off- though he still entered her. It lasted more then 5 minutes- in the middle of the street in broad day light. He ran away, leaving her there. She ran to the house crying- for even if she was to call the police(they just be like the guys in the store) and blame her for how she looked. It is always the women's fault for how she dresses,WRONG!81

She didn't how to explain this to her roomate. She didn't know how she'd explain to her family. maybe she could write Joseph off as a suicide? Though would they believe it? Would and should it even matter? 82

She got home and wrote a note to Marie:83

Dearest Marie,84

I have to go away awhile.85

I am having my sister-LYNNE86

come and stay for me- 87

she will pay rent- and my share 88

of the bills- please look after she 89

has my niece or nephew90

or maybe even both 91

inside of her- thank you92

love,93

Joseph94

Lynne placed the note on Marie's bed. She knew everything will be OK. She went upstairs- she tore off her dress. It was caked in blood, dirt and bone.She knew what had beaten her to the ground. Her former self, layed with jealousy and rage. She peered out the window noticing he was starring back at her. Though as he shook his fists i rage, bleeding upon the edgy ground. A drunk driver hit him-shattering him all over. The driver kept on going. Some out raged, took down the license number. Though Lynne was calmed by this singing a refrain from a Jane's Addiction song " SOME PEOPLE SHOULD DIE THAT"S JUST UNCONSCIOUS KNOWLEDGE!" 95

Lynne walked into the kitchen, making her self something to eat. It's been a long, weird, and strange day- that no one in their right mind would believe- though sometimes people should try their left minds! 96

Lynne cleaned up all the mess, and went and bought a new TV before Marie even got home. She knew there would be some explaining to do- but that in itself is another story.97