When I was young , just a little boy
My mother would walk me to school
She would tell me,"Goodbye," and please don't cry
I will be there to get you at two1
When I was a teen, and we moved out of town
Said, "Goodbye" to my childhood friends
And in this small city, I met the,"IN," crowd
And thats, when my new life began2
This is the day, I will graduate soon
And telling my classmates, "Goodbye!"
I will see you out there and well meet once again
and this time, with totally cool lives3
Here I am, I'm now an adult
And working my way through school
Tell my boss, "Goodbye," when I get a new job
Use the skills, I attained, "Salud."4
I join the army and sign for three years
My country , I gave you my all
Said,"Goodbye," as I leave, to fallen comrades
And place their name on the, "Wall."5
I met the lady, I wanted to marry
She miscarried our only child
"Goodbye," she said, as she walked out the door
And the hurt stayed, for quite awhile6
Got married again, to a very good woman
And three kids, we did have
They said ,"Goodbye," when they turned eighteen
And moved out of town, so I am sad7
I worked very hard, for twenty five years
And retirement, just months away
Say,"Goodbye," to my coworkers and wish them well
Saying, I'll see them again, someday 8
Here I am, in the hospital, all sick
The doctors dont know what to do
Told me, "Say goodbye," to family and friends
For this is my time , I am through9
I lived everyday, as if it, was the last
The life I did live, was fun
Say, "Goodbye," to the world and in a new place
Where the light is as bright as the sun10
There at the funeral, every one is sad
And my poem,"Goodbye", is read
I loved you all and please take care
And the last words, I wrote were said 11
12
13
14
Author notes
This was written with coworker who passed in mind ,Signed whoudini- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CRyKg5xMaXA
A contest entry
- Trophies for the Trophy-less by May Kingston.
175 points, ended May 24, 72 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Heartbreak by Silver Heart.
165 points, ended May 28, 30 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Make me Cry by reilly500.
175 points, ended June 11, 53 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Anything Goes by Unice the geek.
160 points, ended June 24, 59 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Give Me Your Best Poetry! by mememe6.
150 points, ended September 9, 54 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Make Me Cry... by therenaissancegirl.
750 points, ended August 28, 44 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
what do you think and check this out , after reading poem.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=86fng8-Vqi8&feature=related
Comments
1 - 63 of 63
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Make Me Cry (Contest Comment)
I love the theme of goodbyes running throughout the poem. It was a touching read; thank you for entering my contest, and good luck!
Renaissance
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I believe I have already read and left a comment, but for the contest, here goes:
This was really good, but some of the rhyming patterns switched, which made it a little confusing.
Really, though, it was great! Very touching, and very emotional. Thank you for entering, and good luck!!
~mememe6~ -
Aw! The poem was very touching, it seemed to remind me that everyone must say goodbye to someone they love or someone they knew for quite awhile...and the element that you had someone in mind when you wrote this was very touching.
I certainly hope you continue writing,
dancer.
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This was a great read and I enjoyed it very much! I loved the form it was written and the meaning behind it!
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Very thoughtful and insightful. The fact that you put such a story in the form you did is very impressive - nice job
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that is a great poem. saying "goodbye" is usually so sad isn't it? but it doesn't always have to be. saying goodbye opens u new expiriences and chances that we wouldn't have had before
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This is a great poem. I love the uniting theme of "goodbye" and the way it tied everything together, as well as the overall style of the piece.
Unfortunately, I don't believe it's possible to compare stories and poems in a contest format. That is the only reason I must remove this from my contest. But keep up the good work! -
GREAT
i read it a second time and it is just as great -
Amazing poem. I really like it. I didn't even have to ask you what you did! A POEM! Great work!!!
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I absolutely love this poem. It shows alot more than just "goodbye" from one stage of life to the next, it shows the growth, mature, being able to move to the point with a knowledge of what you could expect. I like to think of this poem as more of a learning experience and growth instead of loss or being sad of what "goodbye" does. Thats what life is . . . growth, learning and experiencing. I'm young and i have alot of experiencing to do, which makes life soooooooo fun and worth living for. My life is always fun, no matter what, and i try and make the best out of what i have and what i want to have.
I've had friend or random people tell me, "Theres never a right time to say goodbye" . . . . WRONG ANSWER!!!! LOL I have alot to look forward to and many many many many more people to meet! Thats the beauty of life; Being able to take what you have and making it 10 x's bigger than what it is.
But i'm gettin off topic here so i'll end all of this blah blah talk with that was great!!!
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I saw the video...really nice
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Amazingly well written! There is a lot of emotion in the lines of this poem. Poetry is not my thing, but I do enjoy the ones that speak deeply to the soul, the poems that have feelings like this one! Well Done!
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Very touching
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A great and terrible story/poem which describes everything one can experience in life.
It's kind of scary to see where you're at on this scale - I'm at graduation, which means I've already said goodbye a few times. I'm graduating on Friday and that is a lot of goodbyes. I will miss all my friends
Thank you for sharing this poem. It was truly beautiful and lovely, and I've yet to check out the link, but I will when I finish commenting.
Again, thank you. Good luck in your contests.
Kevan. -
check this out after you read the poem , heres a link.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=86fng8-Vqi8&feature=related -
Beautilful.....
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A great story of life, love and loss. I like your choice of format it seems to really fit the emotion and simplicity of the story. I liked this writing a lot.
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Well done
Poetry is not my thing, I'm not very good at it. But I do appreciate a good poem that evokes emotion and yours definitely succeeded in this. Well Done!
beginning: 4, language: 4, plot: 3, ending: 4, dialog: 3, characters: 3.
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gooooood
Wow
That was good -
This was really awesome!
I'm not a poet, and I don't know if you have really gon hog all of those stages of life, but you could have fooled me.
I love the emotion here, ad how you repeat "Good Bye" in different ways. I also nearly felt you matur a the poem went on, it wasquie amazing.
Great work! -
hi my name is sharon im new here and im just tring to make friends but i think that your writing it fantastic =
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Very Good
wow i loved it, it was sad but sweet great idea
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that was really good but sad
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incredibly good.
it does bring emotion by the (monkey)barrel-full.
i'm never one to judge poetry simply because it is quite personal and the only thing i ever can say is about the rhyming scheme, but most poets dont rhyme so..
all ic an say is at the end (not very end but like p33-41) it kinda is too, i dont really know, but unflowishified.
but other than that minor prollem(well thats just my opinion) its quite amazing.
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:'(
Sad day... I loved it. Life is not easy to write about, but then, with just one word, you say it all. Excellent piece of work. Do NOT stop writing. -
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it kinda made me want to cry!
lol
nice job!
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speechless
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wow
amazing -
Wonderful little poem.
I think it could definitely open up some people's eyes and make them look at life in a different manner. Perhaps enjoy it a bit more?
I hope to read more from you in the future. -
Beautiful, I like the thought you put in it. It rhymed pretty well, and it portrayed life pretty well. A good eye opener for all the 'lazy Bens' in the world. xD Awesome work!
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omg that was so amazing
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woa:0.
was this true??
so inspirational! a true life well made.
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That was a very good piece of writing. Very sad but inspirational. Amazing job. keep it up.
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i am glad you were able to express your feelings through this beautiful poem. it was sad, but i really enjoyed it.
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A very beautiful and sad poem... I like how he keeps saying Goodbye until the last sentence... it was that last sentence that released my tears.
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This was *sniff* amazing peom. Telling about the life of a person, in only a few lines. Beautiful. You are definatley peot material. You should think about it on your spare time, maybe get an extra job. I know one person who'd buy this poem. (A.K.A me) 3,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 applause! YAY YOU!
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Wow
I know too much about this. I'm at the graduation point, saying goodbye to all those people that I spent years with. I graduate today, actually. Soon, I will be saying goodbye to everyone in one way or another. I only hope the one I don't have to say goodbye to is my boyfriend/future husband...
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uh_mae_zing.
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It was really good, you know. I read it a while ago and didn't comment (I was rushing to get out of the house at that moment) and I've came back to re-read it and comment. I'ts a great poem, and I'm glad you wrote this. I'm also glad you decided to share this with us. I hope you continue writing.
~The Cause is NOT as Lost as you think~
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I loved it. It made me want to cry, but it was amazing.
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Wow, awesome poem. awestruck.. honestl
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Omg so sad, I actually got the feeling. *a big thing because I never understood poems, don't know why though*
This did show how many times you say good bye in a lifetime, and that last goodbye is always the worst. Cheers for you. I hope you write more stories/poems(in this case)
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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I love this poem!!!! It made me want to cry Great job
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Nicely written. I will read more of your work in the future.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Very good. Simple and heartfelt.
Well done.
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I liked great job it felt it was a very special story to me when i read it
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Good
This is a very heartfelt journey of life
you've written it well and it flows very well
pleasure to read
thanks, ixkxl -
WOW
This is very good. I like the rhythm of the poem and how it's sad and happy at the same time.
Good job! -
Very nice
The story told in the poem is very nice. Although some of it could not yet be autobiographical (Since you are still here), still, some of it seems to be told from your life,and I think that is always a good thing. Of course, don't tell me which is autobiographical because I'd rather not know if I'm wrong
That part about telling the kids goodbye is where I am now. That part spoke directly to me.
Nice flow to this. Thank you for posting and sharing. -
niceee
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I love how you too the reader on a journey through the persons life
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very nicely writen, and heartfelt
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omg that was soooo good. i loved it! one of the bes tpoems i have read in a while. It was honestly excellent! keep it up
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It has a great flow to it; I love the different aspects of life that you worked in "goodbye" for. Very touching. A full life of experience and sharing is never a waste at the end. It's a great poem.
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yeah I liked the flow and the ambience of a life with all its vicissitudes. Also I found it had decent correlations between separate ideas which was nice.
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awh
this is beautiful
so well written with a nice flow
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so sad!
i reallly liked it! i feel that u put a lot of thought into it! great job!
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haha ok sorry wrong person that said that but still my point remains
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you were totally wrong about not having good work. unlike me i think this has a lot of meaning and we could all learn from it.
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thats really really sad but really good at the same time...if that makes any sence
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i like this story. it's really good. i think it would make a good story, but it's nice to make it short and sweet in a poem. good job. the heartbreak is only a small part of the story in one sense, but it's the whole story in another way. congratulations on writing a magnificant story, good luck.
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you did a really good job with this poem. I'm sorry for your coworker. We do say a lot of goodbyes in our live. Live can be depressing. But we also say a lot of hellos. Everything good has an ending. It's not the ending we want, but it's an ending never than less.
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That's so sad... it has a strong meaning to it, though. I like how "goodbye" becomes a recurring theme in the poem, reminding you what the whole thing is about. Nice poem-- it had a great rhythm and a good meaning. Thank you for entering!
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