The antibacterial foam cleanses me of my identity,
I spring through the door,
a new soul,
a morning parade. 1
Her smile creases her eyebrows,
wrinkles her lips,
and enfolds her eyes. 2
Perhaps once it was pleasing,
now it is dead.3
The roses glare at me,
fat with sorrow and longing,
surrounded by the breath of baby,
and slung together sloppily,
in the grasp of a ribbon. 4
Pink.
As if someone were giving birth,
rather than dying.
The ribbon is vital,
like the seal of an envelope.
It seals get well soon, or die trying. 5
She is with them, wilting.
She is among their wildest of confidantes.
She whispers them secrets of the world.
And they, in return, offset her beauty.
They are staunch, nothing changes.
She was free, once.
She now glows black with age and bitterness.6
Wilting, with them, wilting.
The pink ribbon of life's cycle,
tied around her neck.
Author notes
Hospital notes.
A contest entry
- Trophies for the Trophy-less by May Kingston.
175 points, ended May 24, 72 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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very involving,
to many "the",also first person pronoun mixed into third person pronouns in the beginning verse.I was captured by your thoughts.Bring your self more into view with your imagination staying with first person being yourself,I'm guessing.Nice writting!
beginning: 1, language: 2, plot: 1, ending: 4, dialog: 4, characters: 1.
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I don't know what to say. It's so good....
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lovely emotion i enjoyed the read
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I love it! It affects the reader strongly with its vivid description, but it calm and mild at the same time. It describes something so normal, so imprinted with everyday life, but makes it seem like so much more. You have a great eye for detail and a good touch for emotion. Great poem! Thanks for entering.
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Damn! Okay I personally struggle to stay very detailed and realistic in my work. This tis more abstract and symbolic and ... dare I say ... more difficult to write than My drival. I am beyond impressed. I would not change a thing. Awesome.
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Sarah, this is seriously impressive. There's a lot of heavy emotion in it, too, from the experience you're going through right now. I think you did a good job of getting some of that out. I love you and I'm here for you!
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