To Ryan With Love

Dear Ry-Ry,1

It hurts to write goodbye2

to the one person who understood my heart in high school. my best friend. my sanity, my heart. my soul. my statute. If I could spend forever with anyone, I would spend it with you. It's so hard to write this, so hard for you to read this too. (I'm sure) I just didn't know how else to "let it flow"  You will always be the guy....who kissed me on the couch the best, the guy who cherished every part of me and never let a finger slide inside or outside of me the wrong way. You took care of me physically and mentally. You were the one person who understood and listened to me when I was down. I tried my HARDEST to do the same but you know as well as I do that next year and the year after that...and so on are gonna be the hardest ones of all for the both of us. I want to be there for you, listen to your stories, laugh with you, cry with you, like always: be your best friend but I don't know how..without hurting each other at some point, misunderstanding, heartbreak, a slip up will happen this isn't never-land..it's real life. I know you care so deeply for me and I do the same with you  if we truly believe in each other for the next few years and end up back together again, same state, same hearts, we will get married, we will adopt or have a million (two or three) kids and we will have the perfect suburban romance....but right now we're about to embark on the most scary and eventful...choice worthy...parts of our lives and I want to be there every step of the way...even if that means us breaking up for part of our college experience, I want us to see where it goes with the whole  "long distance thing" but if it doesn't work out, if things get too hot, too hurtful..I still want my best friend, first and foremost, you are: my sanity, my best friend, my coat rack....my SHOULDER!! So What I'm trying to say is I Love you, beyond words, beyond "I love you's" beyond all the firsts we've had together even though, I'm so glad....SO GLAD you were my first, beyond anything we have ever experienced together....and I will never let that go...even if things get tough, I want you inside my life, inside my soul and I will not walk away from you, not for a stupid fight, not for a stupid valentines day quarrel, not for magic cards, or parents with cancer, not for boys with bigger muscles  or if surgery again becomes a part of my life.3

I will not under any circumstance....let down my best friend, that is you. So keep your head up, cry if you want to, I'm probably crying too right about now....staring out that stupid car window...wondering when NY becomes Boston. Let the whales go loud enough...and maybe I'll hear you....shh baby...it's alright, it's alright, I'd brush your bangs out of your face... and kiss your every part...and hold you. just hold. That's what I would do right now...If I were there....kinda like the last night we spent together, all limbs combined and naked, just talking, sleeping, laughing, and dreaming. I want us to remember the cape cod beaches, prom nights, kisses, ice creams, dinners, talks-long talks, nature walks, parental meetings, and heartaches...that we shared together and I want us to remember that Us is beautiful...and that's why I'm crying right now..and you...you must be too...because us, we ARE beautiful and it hurts that we have wait on that....our happy ending...we'll get it one day...you'll see....Just you and me. I love you. Goodnight sweetheart, sweet dreams...I'll see you in the morning.4

Love,5

Leigh Leigh.6