Leaves rustled as the wind tore through them. Slowly winding up the skyscraper, the wind seemed to have a mind of its own. It whipped ‘round and ‘round. Anything other than it would have been dizzy and fallen to the ground already from going in so many circles. 1
A man and a woman stood atop the roof of this same skyscraper. They stood at the edge of the balcony. It was evident that they were not together, but, at the same time, they did not seem to have the air about them of strangers. They stood in silence. But let me make it also clear that it was not the silence of discomfort, but more of a silence that one has when one simply chooses not to say anything at all. 2
Forever passed before one of them moved. It was the female. She sighed softly into the breeze. Her emerald and violet eyes closed, then opened. Her mouth made a slight movement that looked almost like a smile. Then she spoke. “I love being out in the darkness.”3
The man inhaled deeply from his cigar. The smoke from it rose and disappeared into the night sky. 4
“The night’s a’ dangerous place ta be, darlin’.” His rough voice was carried away with the wind. This was said with much knowledge that one would be a fool to doubt. He inhaled from his cigar again.5
For the first time, she turned to him, slightly tilting her head. Then she did the oddest thing, she smiled. “Ahh, she whispered, but that’s why I fit in.” She then turned back to the stars. The wind, now a slight breeze, ran gently through her black hair. She closed her eyes once more, letting the beauty of the night seep into her soul.6
Author notes
I have a character in my mind I've never really done anything with. And I have a bunch of quotes that she says and so I'm writing short stories with them.
This IS my first short story. So do critique! But keep that in mind. XD
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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Another one! Hehe... <3
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ssimply beautiful amazing talent too shot tho! I was dying for more let me know of more please! def got urself a fan!
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Great
This is a very interesting write. I lked the way that you worded it. The imagery was wonderful. I love he darkness of night. I can really get into this. You have a lot of talent and should continue to write. I will soon read more of your work. But until then I bid you farewell.
~Audrey Rose~ -
A good start here. Without more detail of the characters, not sure where it is going. Good descriptiveness. The use of the word 'female' was a bit odd (for me) - dunno - something to think about. Thanks for sharing!
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i love the mystery of this, it also made me feel like i was there...i admire your work...it makes me want to write better than i do
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very good ... incredible use of words and imagery. Have you ever thought of writing a novel?
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my name is peace this is my hour
awesome. like the others said, the mystery is what makes this piece, it really makes it interesting. one correction, with you said "...the air about them...," it should actually be aire, but that doesnt really matter. it doesnt take anything away from the mood. also, i love the dialect you used for the mans voice, it tells so much about him in such few words. this is nice man, i really like it. youve got a fan. im gonna read your other stuff at some point. thanks. -
I liked it but it seemed to have stopped short. I think it should be a little longer, but it was written very well. Keep it up and it was a great read. Keep it up and good luck.
~V~ -
Wow.. the way you wrote this-the imagery is clear,and it just flows in perfectly together,every description-great wording.. awesome writer-especially for a first try.
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AWSUM TO THE 1,000,000 POWER!
ME AGREE W/ JETSABEL!!!! its lyk so mysterious n stuff so u dont know wat to expect and the description is just AMAZING and yes i wud totally buy if it was a book!!!! -
Lol! A fan! XD
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WOW!! You have major talent I am speechless. Great write, I saw the title and HAD to read this, (I know, but this sort of stuff is interesting) and I am so glad I did. Great imagery, and meaning, and amazing for a first story, definatley continue along these lines. Great job , and keep writing! Best of wishes and great great job
I wish I could help more, with spelling and errors and stuff i'm just not good at that sutff, editing anyways, hehe it could be perfect and I'm just stupid. Anyways, great story!!!!!! I'll buy your book when you get one!
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