Dominic mounted his jet black steed and headed towards the castle. He was a seventeen-year-old knight who wished to marry the fair princess of Kielbasa. Although he was not royalty, something in his mind told him that he had a chance. Of course, impulse was the only thing that led him towards this unreachable goal.1
Brown hair streamed behind him as he sent the horse racing foreword. She panted heavily, but still tried to obey her rider by sprinting fasted as Dominic kicked at her sides. She was always being abused by him but figured out that the harder she worked, the less punishment she would receive. One day she hoped to be free and never again take the beatings, whippings, and teasing from her ruthless master.2
“Look there Hahna,” spoke Dominic. “Can you see that beautiful castle up above?”3
Hahna, the horse, snorted in response.4
Dominic chuckled. “Once we arrive I promise you will never receive another order. Until then, I’ll let you remain hopeful.”5
Hahna whinnied happily and pushed herself a little harder to get to the castle quicker. Once reaching her goal, she panted and shakily stood as she waited for Dominic to dismount her. Once he was off she collapsed to the ground. Her whole body was shaking as she took deep, quick breaths. 6
Dominic unsheathed his sword slowly and let the sound of scraping metal ring in the air. He placed it to Hahna’s neck. “All your pain will be over shortly.”7
With those last words echoing in Hahna’s ears, Dominic slid the metal sword through her neck. Blood spewed out and puddle around her body, sticking to her course fur. No guilt filled his body, only an evil pride.8
After watching the horse’s blood spill out for a minute, Dominic headed towards the open gate of the castle palace. There were jesters, magicians, performers, and many other people gathered for some sort of festival. He longed to slice them all up, but that would have to wait. First he had to talk to the princess, his unmet love. 9
It wasn’t too hard to find out where the princess was. All it took was a bit of threatening to some (or all) of the guards. He would put his bloody sword to their necks and ask them in a calm tone. Once they answered he would cut off their heads just as he did to Hahna. It pleasured him to see the numerous heads roll on the ground and sometimes down the stairs. Every one left behind a lovely trail of blood. Dominic couldn’t help but to laugh at the sight of them all.10
Soon enough he was standing in front of the door to the princess’s room. He took a deep breath before turning the handle and walking in. “Oh my dear princess! At last I get the chance to see you.”11
She turned around in shock. “How did you get in here? There should have been guards stationed all throughout the castle!”12
“You should not worry about them now, my love. All are in God’s hands now.”13
Her eyes got wide. “You sick beast! Is that red on your armor from their blood?”14
Dominic growled and locked the door before breaking off the knob. “Their sacrifice will insure our future happiness!”15
He grabbed her shoulders roughly, causing her to let out a scream. “Now you will marry me!”16
“I could never love a murderer!” She yelled out.17
“Then you’ll never love at all!” Dominic replied angrily. 18
The princess screamed and jumped out of the way just as Dominic swung his sword at her. He aimed and threw his sword at her again, this time placing a deep wound in her shoulder. A blood-curdling scream was let out by the princess which only made him laugh. Never had anything as frightening as this happened to her; she had no idea how to escape.19
“Stop!” Yelled the princess as she held out her hand defensively.20
“Never!” Dominic cried back and sliced her hands right off. “What are you going to do now? Run? I’ve trapped you and there’s nothing you can do to stop me! Ah ha ha ha!”21
The princess screamed again, being careful not to look at the detached, bloody hands lying next to her bed. Just then, however, she got an idea: I might be able to jump out to safety through the window. But will I succeed and not just end up killing myself?22
There didn’t seem to be any better options so the princess ran over to the colorful stain-glass window. Dominic followed her and slashed again with his sword, barely grazing her neck. Only a small trickle of blood spilled out. The lack of bloodshed angered him even more. He swiped lower and cut off her leg, earning a giant scream of pain from the princess. He laughed and slid his tongue over the sword, licking the metallic blood covering it.23
“You taste very sweet my princess,” he told her and swiped off her other leg. “Now you’ve no way to escape. May God have mercy on your heartless soul.”24
He placed his sword on the shaking princess’s neck and pushed it downward. With another laugh he knocked the sword against the window, shattering the glass. He grabbed the princess’s head and threw it out to the festival below.25
There were many gasps at the sight of this monstrosity. People murmured words of fear and question to each other. None could comprehend the fact that their peaceful kingdom had such a great catastrophe fall upon it.26
Somewhere there was an insane murderer on the loose, and that was certain. 27
“Who will be next?” Someone asked.28
“How many has he killed so far?” Another questioned.29
“It’s a demon! It’s bestowing a curse on us!” Some man yelled out and received many horrified yelps.30
The town gossiped like this and false rumors spread. Meanwhile, soldiers raced up the palace steps that led to the princess’s tower. All were shocked to see their companions littering the floor. Obviously this killer was more dangerous than they had first believed. They continued to march upwards until they were right outside the door. With deep, scared breathing they entered the room. 31
Dominic had heard them approaching and had taken out a poison potion from a secret compartment from the hilt of his sword. He waited for them to come in before uncapping the concoction.32
Holding his sword straight out to threaten them away, he said, “See this here? It’s a magical potion! Drink this up and you’ll have a sure way to death!”33
He laughed evilly as the soldiers backed up slightly, barely holding their ground.34
One spoke with a shaky voice, “W-who said we’d agree to drink it?”35
Dominic laughed again. “You’re no going to drink it, I am!”36
He swung his sword around wildly as he cackled. “No one can take my life! NO ONE!”37
Dominic laughed again and chugged down the blueish-green liquid. The men did nothing but watch with mixed expressions. Dominic was laughing and screaming in a pained delight. His body was shaking and twitching as he hit the ground.38
A few minutes later Dominic lay limp on the ground…dead.39
Brown hair streamed behind him as he sent the horse racing foreword. She panted heavily, but still tried to obey her rider by sprinting fasted as Dominic kicked at her sides. She was always being abused by him but figured out that the harder she worked, the less punishment she would receive. One day she hoped to be free and never again take the beatings, whippings, and teasing from her ruthless master.2
“Look there Hahna,” spoke Dominic. “Can you see that beautiful castle up above?”3
Hahna, the horse, snorted in response.4
Dominic chuckled. “Once we arrive I promise you will never receive another order. Until then, I’ll let you remain hopeful.”5
Hahna whinnied happily and pushed herself a little harder to get to the castle quicker. Once reaching her goal, she panted and shakily stood as she waited for Dominic to dismount her. Once he was off she collapsed to the ground. Her whole body was shaking as she took deep, quick breaths. 6
Dominic unsheathed his sword slowly and let the sound of scraping metal ring in the air. He placed it to Hahna’s neck. “All your pain will be over shortly.”7
With those last words echoing in Hahna’s ears, Dominic slid the metal sword through her neck. Blood spewed out and puddle around her body, sticking to her course fur. No guilt filled his body, only an evil pride.8
After watching the horse’s blood spill out for a minute, Dominic headed towards the open gate of the castle palace. There were jesters, magicians, performers, and many other people gathered for some sort of festival. He longed to slice them all up, but that would have to wait. First he had to talk to the princess, his unmet love. 9
It wasn’t too hard to find out where the princess was. All it took was a bit of threatening to some (or all) of the guards. He would put his bloody sword to their necks and ask them in a calm tone. Once they answered he would cut off their heads just as he did to Hahna. It pleasured him to see the numerous heads roll on the ground and sometimes down the stairs. Every one left behind a lovely trail of blood. Dominic couldn’t help but to laugh at the sight of them all.10
Soon enough he was standing in front of the door to the princess’s room. He took a deep breath before turning the handle and walking in. “Oh my dear princess! At last I get the chance to see you.”11
She turned around in shock. “How did you get in here? There should have been guards stationed all throughout the castle!”12
“You should not worry about them now, my love. All are in God’s hands now.”13
Her eyes got wide. “You sick beast! Is that red on your armor from their blood?”14
Dominic growled and locked the door before breaking off the knob. “Their sacrifice will insure our future happiness!”15
He grabbed her shoulders roughly, causing her to let out a scream. “Now you will marry me!”16
“I could never love a murderer!” She yelled out.17
“Then you’ll never love at all!” Dominic replied angrily. 18
The princess screamed and jumped out of the way just as Dominic swung his sword at her. He aimed and threw his sword at her again, this time placing a deep wound in her shoulder. A blood-curdling scream was let out by the princess which only made him laugh. Never had anything as frightening as this happened to her; she had no idea how to escape.19
“Stop!” Yelled the princess as she held out her hand defensively.20
“Never!” Dominic cried back and sliced her hands right off. “What are you going to do now? Run? I’ve trapped you and there’s nothing you can do to stop me! Ah ha ha ha!”21
The princess screamed again, being careful not to look at the detached, bloody hands lying next to her bed. Just then, however, she got an idea: I might be able to jump out to safety through the window. But will I succeed and not just end up killing myself?22
There didn’t seem to be any better options so the princess ran over to the colorful stain-glass window. Dominic followed her and slashed again with his sword, barely grazing her neck. Only a small trickle of blood spilled out. The lack of bloodshed angered him even more. He swiped lower and cut off her leg, earning a giant scream of pain from the princess. He laughed and slid his tongue over the sword, licking the metallic blood covering it.23
“You taste very sweet my princess,” he told her and swiped off her other leg. “Now you’ve no way to escape. May God have mercy on your heartless soul.”24
He placed his sword on the shaking princess’s neck and pushed it downward. With another laugh he knocked the sword against the window, shattering the glass. He grabbed the princess’s head and threw it out to the festival below.25
There were many gasps at the sight of this monstrosity. People murmured words of fear and question to each other. None could comprehend the fact that their peaceful kingdom had such a great catastrophe fall upon it.26
Somewhere there was an insane murderer on the loose, and that was certain. 27
“Who will be next?” Someone asked.28
“How many has he killed so far?” Another questioned.29
“It’s a demon! It’s bestowing a curse on us!” Some man yelled out and received many horrified yelps.30
The town gossiped like this and false rumors spread. Meanwhile, soldiers raced up the palace steps that led to the princess’s tower. All were shocked to see their companions littering the floor. Obviously this killer was more dangerous than they had first believed. They continued to march upwards until they were right outside the door. With deep, scared breathing they entered the room. 31
Dominic had heard them approaching and had taken out a poison potion from a secret compartment from the hilt of his sword. He waited for them to come in before uncapping the concoction.32
Holding his sword straight out to threaten them away, he said, “See this here? It’s a magical potion! Drink this up and you’ll have a sure way to death!”33
He laughed evilly as the soldiers backed up slightly, barely holding their ground.34
One spoke with a shaky voice, “W-who said we’d agree to drink it?”35
Dominic laughed again. “You’re no going to drink it, I am!”36
He swung his sword around wildly as he cackled. “No one can take my life! NO ONE!”37
Dominic laughed again and chugged down the blueish-green liquid. The men did nothing but watch with mixed expressions. Dominic was laughing and screaming in a pained delight. His body was shaking and twitching as he hit the ground.38
A few minutes later Dominic lay limp on the ground…dead.39
Author notes
I chose to make my character insane. Did I go overboard? Maybe a little...
A contest entry
- Meet Dominic by Kevan.
380 points, ended May 24, 13 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Feed My Horror Addiction by Lady Pixie.
550 points, ended September 26, 36 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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Yeah, he comes off as a major maniac

The gory details were done well.. although I must honestly admit that in some places, it seemed a bit over the top in his behavior- but crazy killers can be like that I'm sure. haha.
There were some grammatical/spelling errors, but I think with a careful read-over, you should be able to spot most of them yourself.
Interesting and entertaining read. Thanks for entering
Pixie
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Even though i read this last week, I still think it is far out
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Haha Awesome
I always love it when something goes sinisterly wrong with marriage proposals.

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No, I think it works. There have been many "Dominics" in history. Lunatics abound in history.
I rather liked it. However, I favor dark themes. I like the fast pace. There was no way I was not going to finish this story once I'd started it. I was hooked after the first paragraph.
However, I believe the senseless killing before Dominic meets the princess results in an ending with a lesser impact. I would have found the story more powerful if he had finagled his way into the castle a gentleman. After rejected, Dominic's insanity manifests in a sudden rage wherein he cuts off her head and throws it out the window. Shocking! A subsequent rampage would then have worked right in with his insanity that becomes obvious to the reader in the most dramatic fashion.
So, I don't think that there's too much killing. It's that it may have been better placed at the end, rather than throughout.
Nevertheless, good story. I look forward to reading more of your stuff.~Prismaticraysbeginning: 5, language: 4, plot: 3, ending: 3, dialog: 3, characters: 4.
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wow.....this was krazy.......... and intresting............. Dominic shouldnt have died.................he should have cost more misary..................... good job........... really loved it........................................

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An unusual take on the main character. It definitely looks a maniac.
I like the descriptions used and the final end of this story is very fitting, albeit tragic.
Good conversations ensure the plot is not dry at all and keep the reader engaged.
Great job -
A bit over the top there and it does need work. But, overall it's good--mind you it could be better. But, you got the insanity down right--a weird little tale,almost edgar allen Poe-ish but, at least it wasn't boring.

beginning: 5, language: 3, plot: 3, ending: 5, dialog: 3, characters: 4.
1 - 7 of 7




