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I. this 8 dollar an hour job is not a job but a nightare2
of sadistic or masochistic- whichever one it3
is, nature... 4 days of crazy-ness. Poop. pee. urine-4
smelling aromas, pulling up underpants, pulling down5
underpants- stained with poop, underpants, feeding with6
a spoon chopped, diced hot dogs, watching as pee7
drenches a man and the floor beneath him even8
though he stis on the toilet- playing with himself,9
get new dry clothes, put one on the bathing 10
gurney, pump it up, pump it down, dry with11
towels, pick up and put in a wheelchair,12
can't walk, im growing muscles.13
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II. so- she said: yes, but youd be doing it all16
for nothing, not: hey, great job- A-student,17
top of her class, was one of 50 chosen to18
participate in a question/answer session out 19
of the entire school, but all she says: yes,20
but...21
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III. -im proud of you, my daughter, you've managed24
to write and publish a book, graduate an A student,25
top of your class as a veterinary assistant, 26
and now youre applying to Santa Fe for the27
BS degree in zoology- they only accept 28
50 students for the class, and somehow i know,29
i can feel it, youre gonna be one of the30
ones they accept. im truly proud of you.31
i love you. you put me through32
some things, and you dont always33
understand or get things, but im34
proud of you and i love you. and only 24 years old!35
-Mom-
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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This is very deep, and really does portray feelings well. I noticed a few spelling/punctuation errors, I might suggest rereading this piece aloud so you can pick them out and edit them.
I enjoyed reading it, and thanks for sharing!
~Sparrow -
Wow, this literally screams its feelings from the page doesn't it? I like the way you encapsulate the thoughts of your character and the way this is structured. Always good to read something different that isn't afraid of pushing away at the boudaries. Interesting and innovative write, thanks for sharing and keep up the good work.
Cheers.
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nice work..
breaking it up into 3 parts. Actually, I have a copy of Tarantula, and One Flew Over is one of my fav films
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hmmmm
This was a tad confusing for me, but since it's prose, maybe that was your intent...I was really into the first part, I thought it was great... but then the girl being a vet threw me. I don't know if it's the same person, and if it's not, I don't know how the two relate. It needs a good editing to put in quotes where needed, correct spelling and missing apostrophes. I would've liked to read more about the first charcter and how he/she deals with that job. -
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Dolly Needs a Drink of Reality
May I suggest to you with your apostrophes and correct spelling and your "quotation marks" that you read "Tarantuala" by Bob Dylan- a book of poetry, and that you watch the movie: "One Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest", and then enlighten me with your confusing commentary on my confusing writing you've read...
Abby
Sid
Rachel -
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No harm intended whatsoever...
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