Diary Part 2

May 9-1

How can you forget the most beautiful person you've ever known?2

Will is the most beautiful person I've ever known. And not just his looks, but his soul. The way he does everything he does. The way he smiles sends shivers down my spine. The way his hands caress the keys on the piano, the way he looks when he's in deep thought. The way he tried to downplay the fact he got me my favorite movie in the entire world- is beautiful.3

Sometimes I can't help but cry because of how beautiful he is to me. I have never ever ever experienced that with anyone else. No one struck a chord in me so hard before. No one save for God. So how can you move on from this? How can you forget that? How do you go on living knowing that the best thing you have ever had walk into your life will never return your love.4

And at the same time, I know that he just HAS to feel the same. He doesn't realize it now, but deep down inside that wonderful soul he knows that he can't live without me. Today he was doing his laundry at the campus laundromat right next to my dorm. I swear as he got back into his truck, he looked up at my window. I know he couldn't have known that I saw him because I saw him through the crack of a blind bent out of place. Could he be longing for me? Why won't he talk to me?5

And why do I keep entertaining these foolish notions? My common sense keeps telling me I must move on, but my heart doesn't want me to let go. There are other guys right now vying for my attention. I could have any of them if I only would say yes. And though they are wonderful guys who could make me happy, none of them posess the beauty I see in Will. No one else does. 6

I've had other guys that I thought had what I needed. I've loved other guys, given a piece of my heart to, but never fully. I've done things for them, but never out of love. Rather, I did things for them out of obligation. It was more of an "Oh, I'm dating you, so I should be doing these super nice things for you," attitude. But with Will...things are so much different. I would go to the ends of the earth for this man. I would do anything to see a smile on his face. And if he wants to be with someone else, so be it. It hurts to live this way. It hurts to have so much love for someone who doesn't seem to care about you back. But at the same time, it would be a dull life to not feel this way. This feeling is wonderful and painful at the same time, and I never want it to die. I never want to forget this amazing, beautiful, wonderful enigma of a man. I would rather cry a thousand tears at the hands of Will and never have him than to have a lifetime full of semi-happiness with anyone else.7

Reason tells me that I'll be living a lonely life full of tears. My heart, and quite possibly God tells me that his love will be worth this wait. I just have to hold on a little while longer. What of any worth in this life has ever come easy? 8

I just want to drown in his beauty.