Seeing as how I could probably make a life-size fort out of my old prescription bottles, I have reason to believe I am a connoisseur of anti-depressant medications. Here are some of the more “delightful” medications I have tried:1
Zoloft2
Oh, Zoloft… I’ll always remember you for you were the first medication I ever took. I feel nostalgic every time I think of you. The doctor explained you to me as “pills that would make me happy.” And the sad thing? I trusted him. My depression quickly worsened while taking you. The label should read as follows: "Zoloft: relieves depression symptoms." And in the fine print: "may cause depression."3
Prozac4
Dear, dear Prozac. Why did you wrong me so? Making me see non-existent faces in my bedroom window is not what a true friend does. Couldn’t you at least have made the guy a looker? Apparently not. On top of that, you made me feel dizzy. I fall down enough already without adding dizziness to the mix.5
Wellbutrin6
During the one month I was on Wellbutrin I gained about fifteen pounds. The ironic part is Wellbutrin’s nickname is Well-but-trim because it’s not only supposed to help with your depression symptoms, but its been known to make people lose weight.7
Buspar8
You know what’s really fun to do on a sixteen hour flight? Pretend you have extreme paranoia. Lucky for me, I didn’t even have to pretend! Buspar, I started taking you right before I traveled to South Africa. Since it takes a while for you to kick in, the side effects only started to appear on the flight back. I was absolutely sure the airplane food had been poisoned. I also was convinced my brother was planning to hijack the plane and fly us into the ocean. That was a lovely flight.9
Cymbalta10
I’d have to say out of all my medications, Cymbalta, you’re probably my favorite. You made me so nervous I never thought my nails would grow back. I was edgy too. I needed a sign around my neck asking people to refrain from making sudden movements.11
Serequil12
Serequil, you were awesome. I was upset when I had to stop taking you but my doctor did make a rather good point. While getting a good night’s sleep is good, there’s a limit. I wanted to sleep fourteen hours plus while taking you and while I was awake, all I could think about was sleep.13
Paxil14
Paxil, you were probably the most entertaining. I can only describe what you made me feel as being in “la la land.” I remember being really giggly and not being able to concentrate on anything for more than a few seconds. Little, ordinary things made me feel excited and joyful. I couldn’t fathom why no one else was marveling at the pure magic of a toaster.15
Looking back at all these medications I wonder how I ever survived through all the wacky side effects. But if given the opportunity… I’d definitely do it again.16
Author notes
This is just something I did for a school assignment. Based on my experiences.
His.Golden.Eyes's contest: Comedy.
A contest entry
- Okay. I'm bored. So write me a story! by LilMsHyper17.
100 points, ended May 23, 23 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Worst. Contest. Ever. by WritersEffigy.
150 points, ended June 12, 46 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Epic Tales of Epic Phails by Mag the Chodja.
600 points, ended June 2, 4 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Choices, Choices by Violette.
375 points, ended June 6, 22 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - The one you think is best by SCREAMxTOxxBExHEARD.
170 points, ended June 10, 93 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Contest by His.Golden.Eyes.
160 points, ended July 9, 37 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Funny and Random by Thorn-on-the-Rose.
175 points, ended July 22, 127 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Make Me Laugh, 'Til I Cry. by Schnitzel.
475 points, ends November 30, 38 entries
• next story in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest - make me LAUGH by OlweizBoutMeeh.
150 points, ended November 21, 35 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 30 of 30
-
Grammar notes:
"The label should read as follows: Zoloft: relieves depression symptoms. And in the fine print: may cause depression." -- I think you should put quotation marks around "Zoloft: relieves depression symptoms" and "may cause depression."
"Zoloft…I’ll always" -- there should be a space between ... and I
"opportunity…I’d" -- same problem as above
"Serequil you" -- there should be a comma after Serequil
On another note, this was incredibly funny. I kept gasping in shock and laughing out loud. Who knew anti-depressants could give you depression? -
-
Thank you so much!
These grammar edits were really useful. Thank you! :]
-
-
That was wicked funny. I wish I could have an airplane ride that was that fun.
-
Very interesting where you took!!! Very witty!
-
hahahahahha.
very good!
-
LOL!!!
This was great!! really well written, I loved the structure you created, like little love notes to your
x-medicines...really nice!
-
I really like this, it gives the reader a great view of how different anti depressants make you feel, and you made it amusing at the same time.The way you wrote this actually made me want to read it. A great little piece of work.
-
This is good. I don't usually read these types of stories, but I made an exception for you and I if I might add this was very well written. I enjoyed reading it. I would love to read more of your stories.
-
Not my usual type of story, but I gotta say it was a good read anyway. You possess a very raw gift of grabbing people's attention. Despite my first thoughts, this turned out to be quite funny, I was pleasantly surprised. You are very talented, keep writing!
-
Hahaha, that was really funny. I've been paranoid before but never on a plain. Maybe i should try that someday. That is what you call some awesome side affects. Great read!
-
Pyschology phail~
Lol! Nice.
Those descriptions of all those medications are glorious. You have a great opener to the progression, too. Did you ever find one that worked? You sure you even really have depression? The symptoms for it are very close to several hundred other disorders. xD
It's definite fail after fail in your attempts to get better and deal with the issue. Thanks for entering my contest, and good luck. ^^
-
-
Thank you!
I'm fairly certain I have depression. I have been diagnosed by several different doctors. And I've found ones that work for short periods of time, but never one that's worked for over a year, sadly.
Thanks so much for silver!
-
-
Now I've done a lot of drugs, none of them legal, but I thoroughly enjoyed these descriptions.
Thank you for entering the Worst. Contest. Ever!
-
I studied mental illness while getting my degree in Sociology in college. I read a couple books about people's experiences. One was called, Speaking of Sadness and the other was Making it Crazy. These were more serious books than this story, but that is what your piece reminds me of.
Thanks for sharing your story. This was informative in an entertaining way.
Beth
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 4, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
-
haha, you're almost an expert!
-
wow... that just gives you an idea on how far away we are from ideal anti-depressants...
-
Very good. Quite entertaining. Thank you.
Anaya Roma
beginning: 5, language: 5, ending: 5.
-
I had so much fun reading this...made me recall a few of those I had and it never quite worked.
-
I absolutely loved reading this. It's hilarious the way you describe things and it's nice to know you have a sense of humor on them.
I took Zoloft when I was in high school and it made me more depressed too. After that, I never took another depression pill. I asked my doctor about anxiety medication a few months ago though and she gave me Celexia. I never even took the first one of them. A friend of mine took those before and I certainly don't want to go through what it did to her.
It honestly makes you wonder if you can trust any of them doesn't it? Anyways, good write here
Good luck in that contest!
Joann
-
I absolutely loved this. I was laughing out loud as I read. You have a great sense of humor...or at least one that aligns quite closely with my own I enjoyed the tongue-in cheek praise of these drugs. I have never taken any prescription medications, but I've known a fair share of friends who have suffered from their side effects.
Some great lines that had me smiling and chuckling...
"Since it takes a while for you to kick in, the side effects only started to appear on the flight back. I was absolutely sure the airplane food had been poisoned. I also was convinced my brother was planning to hijack the plane and fly us into the ocean. That was a lovely flight."
Love the sarcasm.
"I was edgy too. I needed a sign around my neck asking people to refrain from making sudden movements."
lol love it.
"Little, ordinary things made me feel excited and joyful. I couldn’t fathom why no one else was marveling at the pure magic of a toaster."
My favorite.
Overall, decent intro, strong body, but I'd work on fine-tuning the conclusion. It was a bit weak, after the great humore throughout the body of this piece.
One misspelling...in the wellbutrin section, it should be "lose weight," not "loose."
beginning: 3, language: 4, plot: 5, ending: 1, characters: 5.
-
-
Thanks so much!
I also think the conclusion needs work, thank you for reminding me.
-
-
WONDERFUL PIECE OF WRITING
This little piece is not only clever but of considerable value as well. So much so I feel like committing your medications and descriptions (contraindications) to memory. Indeed, this is one INVALUABLE contribution! WITTY as well.
I would (not might) go so far as to suggest you get this published, although I really haven't a clue as to where; perhaps in AARP! lol! But SOMEWHERE! This is only excellent.
Kudos to your humility, honesty, originality and wit!
Best I've read in a long, long while around here!
I shall now examine my toaster for marvels.
GA
-
-
Thank you so much!
I have no clue where I would go to try to get this published, but thanks for your support!
And please do examine your toaster for marvels, I know after taking Paxil, I have never been able to look at a toaster with quite the same insipid expectations as before.
-
-
hahaha i have never taken any of these, so it was funny to see what would happen if i did. did it really make you see people? anyways, that's good. i like how you made it sould like you were talking to them, not us. it made it more interesting and funny. good job and i hope you get/got a good grade on this assignment. nice work.
-Werewolf Chick
-
-
Thanks!
Medication side effects differ for everyone, so if you were to consider taking one of these, don't not do it because of what I said about them!
And yes, it did make me see the face in my window. haha. It scared me shitless.
Thanks so much.
p.s. I got an A
-
-
funny. not hilarious, but funny.
-
The medicines give you side effects so you keep on taking more medicines. None of them really work because they are not supposed to.
Unhappiness is caused by having a horrible life. If you are poor then you drink or become a crack addict.
If you are rich you take legalised drugs and give the useless drug companies all of your parents money.
You have had so many drugs.
Impossible to feel sympathy.
But, that is how it is supposed to be.
-
-
Yeah, after putting this piece up I am getting a lot of this.
I agree, for some people medication doesn't work. But for some, it can.
Obviously, the ones in this piece didn't. Otherwise I wouldn't have put them up there because they wouldn't have been humorous to begin with.
But thanks for your opinion. -
-
Just to clarify my comments
I was only attacking the drug companies in my comment. Your descriptions of the useless happy pills prescribed to you was very humorous and well written.
That it made me all hot and bothered is a big compliment to your writing ability. -
-
Oh, thank you!
That means a lot.
-
-
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 30 of 30
