Thats why I always have silver bullets.

When you are afraid you feel your mouth dry, your hands start sweating, your breathing becomes heavier and more labored, and your eyes flicker back and forth more and more often. You look into the dark unceasing forest and you feel your heart thumping wildly in your your chest and adrenaline rushes through your veins. Through the sounds of dead leaves rustling on the ground you hear the sharp crack of a twig snapping. The sounds move closer and closer and you begin to tense. You see a flicker of movement and position yourself to dive out of the way if anything should attack. The undergrowth beside your legs begins to shudder and you dive the other way a scream already rising in your throat. Your paranoia and fears are multiplied due to your history, and the history of these endless woods. A small mammiferous creature rises out of the bushes,eyes you quizzically, and scurries away. You sit, slack-jawed for a moment, and begin to laugh. For you laughter has never felt so good. Laughter has never washed away your fears so thoroughly. Still grinning you rise from the ground. Your fears were over-hyped that was all. That's all it ever is for you.1

That's when the beast strikes. With a flash of light you see him rushing towards you, claws bared, teeth glinting in the moonlight. You start screaming for help, eyeing the creature streaking towards you. In a moments pass you feel a bludgeon to you bottom jaw. 2

Your cry becomes a guttural moan and the first thing you feel blood gushing down the front of your shirt. The second is your tongue hanging down...the jaw missing. You try to cover whats left of your misshapen face and it strikes again. With tears and blood mixing on your face you see a flash and a burning on your left arm followed by a soft thump besides you. You feel warmth spreading on your pants and you realize your arm ain't there. Fervently you close your eyes and wish it was all a nightmare. cutting off your "wish" a pair of claws rip through your sweater. You fall onto the snow, back first. Shreds of cloth and skin go flapping around you like snowflakes on the most beautiful Christmas day. You know with all certainty now that your left arm is gone so you raise your right arm. good 'Ole Righty, never failed you before. A scythe like sound later your right arm too goes numb. You blink your eyes open just in enough time to see your right arm flung away violently. As you try to scream you see the beast leap in the air above you. In your pain and hysteria your last thoughts are that it almost looks human....

Author notes

ok...well simply put...im not crazy. this was just a funny litle idea i had as a style so i did it.well i hope yall tell me about how it flows or dosn't. i want criticism, but not spelling or grammer(i gots computers for that), but moer along the lines of
"does it work as a story?"

rule 4 made sense
i play guitare. yes its for the contest with very lax rules.

shaking quaking

vegan chihuahua

I want your favourite song and waffle topping in AN's

A contest entry

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have 0. (?) (Line numbers)
    Ratings:

Comments

1 - 35 of 35

  • seasonsoflove
    September 10

    Edit | Reply
    This is really good! Kinda creepy, but awesome!

    Plot: 4
    Language: 4
    Theme: 4

    Total: 12

    Good work. Keep it up, and thank you so much for entering!!


  • Celestial Rose
    August 19
    Edit | Reply
    Hmm, I've already read this. I believe it was in a previous contest, but I can't always remember. I already commented on this, so you know what I think about it.


  • Lady Pixie Greeters member
    August 15

    Edit | Reply
    Whoops. I'm sorry. I just read your A/N where you said you didn't want the grammar suggestions. Guess you can always delete my comment- but I'm only trying to help. (computers don't always catch every little thing. Especially with punctuation)

    Anyways, thanks again for entering

  • Lady Pixie Greeters member
    August 15
    Edit | Reply
    Oh- first off let me tell you that writing this in the second point of view makes this piece awesome A reader always enjoys feeling like they're a part of the story and you did that with this.

    I did catch some small errors here and I hope you don't mind me pointing them out:

    P1:

    Through the sounds of dead leaves rustling on the ground you hear the sharp crack of a twig snapping.

    comma after ground

    You sit, slack-jawed for a moment, and begin to laugh.

    no comma after sit. try adding 'then' instead of and

    Still grinning you rise from the ground.

    comma after grinning

    P2:

    In a moments pass you feel a bludgeon to you bottom jaw.

    comma after pass

    P3:

    Your cry becomes a guttural moan and the first thing you feel blood gushing down the front of your shirt.

    is after feel (the first thing you feel is blood..)

    You try to cover whats left of your misshapen face and it strikes again.

    what's

    You feel warmth spreading on your pants and you realize your arm ain't there.

    although 'ain't' works, I still like to suggest 'isn't' instead. Only a suggestion. Reads better to me.

    Fervently you close your eyes and wish it was all a nightmare. cutting off your "wish" a pair of claws rip through your sweater.

    comma after Fervently. capitalize the 'c' in cutting since it is the start of a sentence. comma after wish.

    good 'Ole Righty, never failed you before.

    capitalize the g in good. It's the start of a sentence.


    I'm very interested to know what kind of creature this... the emotions and surrounding descriptions. It would certainly intrigue me I'm sure if you were to make this into a longer, more fleshed out story. Thank you very much for entering this in the contest and good luck


  • therenaissancegirl gold member
    August 15

    Edit | Reply
    Damn, that made my heart skip a beat. Or several. And you might not be crazy, but you've definitely got some twisted up in that noggin of yours! lmfao I love how you lead off: "it looks almost human." Just a question--when you were writing it, WAS it human? It's one of those things that I just have to know...

    • alwaysrockon
      August 15
      Edit | Reply
      haha its a werewolf hence the title "thats why I(emphesise i as in narrorator) always have silver bullets. (in mythology werewolves could only be killed bu silver bullets).


  • AshleyAesthetic
    August 14
    Edit | Reply
    You have already entered this story in one of my other contests, but thats not your fault because I have had two similar style contests. Dont worry I wont DQ.

    This story is still excellent. =)


  • MusicOfTheNight9
    August 10

    Edit | Reply

    GASP! OMG FRIGGIN GASP!

    that made me gasp and quake with fear..... woah woah! thanks for entering and good luck!

    CreaterSk8er


  • u.wish.u.were.emmet
    July 11

    Edit | Reply
    That was a great story!!! It really was suspensful, and had me scared the whoe time lol. i'm trying to give positive critism in this contest so I'll tell you that although there was suspense I needed a little bit more, but other than that this was a great story, and it really entertained me! Well done, and thx 4 entering my contest=]


  • Silenced Lullaby
    July 9

    Edit | Reply
    Wow. Very nice. It terrified me. The blood and gore is described well (yes, I am a girl and still into that stuff ^^ ). Very descriptive and well written. Good job.

  • lalala69
    July 7

    Edit | Reply
    Good story. However, you are missing a comma between over-hyped and that in Line One. Also moments should be moment's in Line Two. In Line Three, you should have 'is' between 'feel' and 'blood.' Also in Line Three, 'cutting' should be capitalized, as well as 'good' should be capitalized. Other than that it was good, I liked your comparisson to Christmas in Line Three. Thank you for entering!


  • Crys Moro
    June 24

    Edit | Reply
    Very well done! To me,the nicest thing about second person stories is that I'm able to put myself on the character's place.. I tottaly could feel that tension and fear creeping up on me... very nice written, well detailed gruesome attack... I was hoping untill the end that he/she was going to kill the beast....


  • Asfand
    June 21

    Edit | Reply
    The second story I have ever read with a second person point of view. Not my cup of tea, but it could work. Although it's very hard to relate to. The you is so different that's its almost distracting from the style of writing.

    Your descriptions were good and I loved the beginning, although the structure and format of the story could be changed. The sentences were a bit choppy.

    With this kind of style, I believe you need some background at least. Tell the reader who he is, why he's there and something substantial so we can start empathizing with the character itself. So, the main thing is that it needs characterization.

    A very unique style. Good descriptions. Great job and good luck!


  • C.rimsonQ.uill
    June 20

    Edit | Reply
    Awesome! That was a gruesome attack. Love it! Thanks for entering this one. Love how it's told to where it is almost being taught to someone.


  • SCREAMxTOxxBExHEARD
    June 10
    Edit | Reply
    Nice

  • felanor
    June 7

    Edit | Reply

    First Time Second Person POV Reader

    Very unique style of writing. This is the first story I think I've ever read that was in a second-person point of view. Personally, I'm not for that style, but you did well with the writing of it.

    Thanks for entering the contest and good luck to you!.


  • lavanya
    June 5

    Edit | Reply

    Twisted and suspenseful!

    Your story has one really strong point who make it spacial and which is the style of disription. i love how you discribed all the situation without spilling out any clue. really good job. i felt chill while reading it. brillient jobdear , keep it up and keep smiling.

  • Celestial Rose
    June 4

    Edit | Reply
    I'd hate to be stuck in that situation! That's really suck wouldn't it No wonder about that old wives' tale of things in the dark woods. This was good, quite original, but you left me hanging when it said, 'your last thoughts are that it almost looks human...'. There are several creatures of myth and legend resembling humans, so I'm left wondering what it really was...part of the fun, I suppose? Good job

    • alwaysrockon
      June 4
      Edit | Reply
      the last sentence corresponds with the title. "thats why I always have silver bullets". as in "I"(person telling the tale) am making fun of "you"(the poor chap in the woods) geting eaten by a werewolf. silver bullets kill werewolves (at least in myths)


  • Dual.Of.Fireflies
    June 4
    Edit | Reply
    This was amazing. Welcome to the finalists.


  • the back row
    May 31

    Edit | Reply
    I really liked this story. It was interesting, and I do like stories in second person every once in awhile.

    Werewolf attack, I'm assuming? It has the aura of classic horror without any trying to twist or create your own sort of 'werewolf'; a relief!

    My only problem is that your title looks rather sloppy.

    Otherwise, good job, and keep writing. Great imagery.

  • IfYouSeeHer
    May 30
    Edit | Reply
    really, really suspenseful. very interesting, twisted, out of the ordinary, everything i love in short pieces like this.


  • Shadow-Kissed
    May 26

    Edit | Reply

    Bloody Brilliant!

    This was completely twisted. I love the descriptions and the detail. Outstandingly done,
    -Chantale
    Thanks for reading the rules and I wish you the best of luck in the contest.

    P.S. Welcome to the finalists list.

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.


  • Arcos
    May 25

    Edit | Reply

    Suspenseful

    This worked well. The beginning was good in a strange way. Most good beginnings start with action, but the description of fear worked just as well. Putting the story in second person was interesting as well, but I'm not sure how it would worked in an extended story.

    The ending, however clashed with the beginning. The beginning gave wonderful sense of fear, paranoia, and terror, but the ending was just a well-described mauling. I think if you extended the paranoia and shortened the death scene, the overall feel of the story would be more whole.

    The person you described seems much like me, though. Sweater, paranoid, have you been following me?

    Good work. I'd love to see more of this.

    • alwaysrockon
      May 25
      Edit | Reply
      thank you

      i'll work on the ending to make it more suspensful/creepish. i tried to cut it sort becaseu, simply put, there is no way to make it long AND good. it just dont work that way sadly.

  • DeathByChocolate
    May 10

    Edit | Reply
    Hhhmmmm, yes it think it would make a good story. A great one in fact!

    I know you said you don't want spelling, but P3: "Your cry becomes a guttural moan and the first think you feel blood gushing down the front of your shirt" doesnt make sense. I believe "think" is really "thing"...

    • alwaysrockon
      May 10
      Edit | Reply
      why thank you. iv changed the error now.
      however i dont know if i would be able to write an entire long story in this format. seems pretty ludicrus in my point of view. however i did finish the entire "werewolf" thing in another story (sorry, not posted here) but, you know, i can always change the canon of my stories.

  • graybeard silver member
    May 9
    Edit | Reply
    Yeah, it works. It's a good premise, but makes for a short story. lol Good write here!

  • AshleyAesthetic
    May 9

    Edit | Reply
    I like how you began this, with a almost rant about fear. The description of the arms being torn off reminds me a little of Stephen King's style, which is definitly a plus for you. =)
    All in all, a very good short story, that left me wanting more.


  • VelvetWings
    May 8
    Edit | Reply
    A nice write, I could feel the fear, especially in the first paragraph. You do have some typos here and there, as well as minor punctuation problems--I suggest rereading your little story out loud to yourself in order to catch and edit them.

    Thanks for sharing this piece, and keep writing.

    ~Sparrow


  • Valkyrie silver member
    May 7

    Edit | Reply
    Eeeewww, tongue hanging down. Nice description. A couple typos, and it could use another paragraph or two (three paragraphs are kinda big), but it's a nice short piece of scariness.


  • XxHatex.xLovexX
    May 7

    Edit | Reply

    Xxhatex.xlovexX

    haha nice i liked it alot.. =]]]
    but why did the monster/thing walk away at first?and why was she walking in the woods anyway? it was intense and scary.... awesome haha =].

    beginning: 4, language: 5, plot: 4, ending: 5, dialog: 3, characters: 3.

    • alwaysrockon
      May 7
      Edit | Reply
      the thing didnt walk away. that was just like a squirral in the woods. the monster is a werewolf i rekon.
      and as to why your in the woods...well ill leave that to "you"

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