Tears Of Mine

The tear stains were still on my cheeks from the night before. I don't think I've ever cried myself to sleep before, i don't like it. I lazily got up from my bed around 6:00. i didn't feel like going to school, i wanted to ask my dad if i didn't have to go but i knew he would want to know why and i didn't feel like explaining it to him. i didn't think that he would understand. I guess i also figured i needed to see my friends. I got dressed and went to the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror. it's just like i had imagined: tired, no make up, eyes were puffy. i didn't really care. i slowly walked downstairs, no rush to get anywhere. i went to the kitchen and put on my hoodie and got my stuff. "try to have a good day" my dad said sincerely. "it won't be easy." i said softly. i walked out the door and closed the door slowly. i slowly walked down my porch stairs and walked down my driveway between the two cars. i starred at the ground and dragged my feet. i walked across the street and into Amy's driveway where Jared stood waiting for the bus. the wind blew, it was so cold, but i didn't really care. i walked to the garage door and slightly leaned up against it and looked down. "how's it goin" he said in a silly tone. "not so good." "why not?" his tone become more worried. tears filled my eyes. "I'm not having a good day." "oh." that was the last thing he said to me. I looked away and tears started to trickle down my cheek. i wiped them away and looked back down. the wind blew against my face and tossed my hair. i didn't move, i didn't care what i looked like. shay walked up and all three of us just stood there in silence. i could hear the bus from down the street. it came down the street. Jared and shay started walking towards the street. i didn't want to move, but i knew i had to, so i forced myself to walk forward. i got on the bus and walked down the aisle in a slower pace than normal. i sat down and starred out the window. all i thought about was last night and tears started to fill my eyes. after a couple of stops, Shanell got on the bus and sat with me, like she always does. she looked over, "what's wrong." i sniffled softly. "nothing." there was a pause. "are you sure?" "...no." that was the last thing said about that. when we got to school, i got off the bus and walked slowly towards the building. the wind was so cold, i could hardly feel my cheeks but i was too lazy to care. i walked into and walked slowly to my locker. i kept it unlocked usually but i guess someone had decided to lock it. problem was...i forgot my combination. whoops. i struggled to remember the numbers and finally after the eighth try, it opened. i switched books and then closed it and i walked to the lunch room where i usually go in the morning. i saw Amanda, Shanell, Travis and rich sitting there at our table listening to their head sets. i put down my stuff down and pulled out a chair. "Lauren, i get the feeling that you don't want to sit by me." Travis said jokingly. "no, it's not that." i struggled to say without sounding like i was crying. Shanell looked over and asked me again what was wrong. i didn't respond. then Amy walked around the corner and stood next to me. i leaned my head on her and started to cry. "what's wrong?" she knelt down. tears streamed down my face. she gave me a hug. it felt so good, i needed it. she got up and gently rubbed my back in a reassuring way. then Shanell got up and did the same. i cried even more knowing i had my girls by my side. then Sara and Brittani walked over and noticed that they were around me and that i was crying. they came over and both gave me big hugs. then Amy, Brittani and Sara left. "Lauren come with us." i shook my head. i didn't feel like getting up or moving. then Stephanie walked over. "what's wrong?" "nothing." "come here." she knelt down and gave me a big hug. we hugged for a while when she said "whoa, ok, gotta stand up, my pants are fallin down." made me smile. then i felt somebody poke my back. i turned and amber walked around. she looked at me and noticed i was crying. her face suddenly got worried. she motioned me to come here. i got up and walked over by the stairs. "what's wrong?" i didn't say anything, the tears were coming on too much, i couldn't talk or make up words. she gave me a hug and i clung on. i needed a hug, i needed her hug, she was probably the only one that knew me. we pulled away from each other. she gave me a concerned, questioning look. "i learned last night that my best friend has leukemia." i said as the tears overpowered my emotions. "oh my god." she gave me another hug. "I'm sorry baby." we pulled away again. "who is it?" "Jessika, you don't know her, she lives in California." "I'm so sorry." she rubbed my back and my arm. "I'm so sorry." she gave me another hug. "what are you doing this thanksgiving?" "i don't know, not much." "maybe your dad will let you go  visit her." "yea maybe." Then i felt somebody softly kick my leg from behind, i could almost tell it was Justin. amber looked up and motioned with her face not to do that. "i kicked her and she didn't kick back or anything." he said in his silly fun tone. he walked down the stairs and noticed i was crying. "oh." it made me laugh for some reason. just the way he said it. amber laughed too, "awww, there ya go." she rubbed my back and gave me a side hug. Justin came back over from getting food and put his fist out. we did our high five fist thing, which made me feel better then he did it to amber and when she reached out to do it, he flipped her off, in a joke way of course. she flipped him off back. that made me smile. we went to sit back down. Lisa came over. "aww Lauren." she gave me a big hug. it meant so much to me. i felt to cared for. it was a great feeling. then Riki came over. "what's wrong with you?" she asked sincerely. "Riki." amber said. Riki looked over. i could almost tell what was going on. Riki looked back over, "aww don't cry." she gave me a hug. then she got back up and took my hands. there was a weird silence. "Lauren will you marry me." she laughed. "Riki, are you proposing to Lauren?" amber joked. "yes." Riki laughed. Lisa came up behind me and hugged me. "no, you can't have her, Lauren's my girlfriend." made me smile. "aww don't cry, now I'm gonna cry." Riki said fanning her eyes. after a while, the bell rang. i got a hug from everybody and me, amber, Amanda, and Tylor walked to our first hour. amber kept motioning for me to come here, i wanted to cry again because i felt to loved. it's a great feeling. then after we walked up the stairs from the lunchroom then the stairs of the PAC, we were in the A building hallway. we were walking when Austin suddenly entered my few. he walked by and both Amanda and amber looked back at me with smirks on their faces. "oh great, i look like crap." "you don't look like crap, you look beautiful." "pfffft." i went to my first hour and i tried to go the whole hour without crying...didn't succeed. we worked on worksheets, which helped, it got my mind off of it. then at the end of the hour, Justin looks over and asks me in the most sincere tone I've ever heard, "Lauren, are you ok?" I shook my head. "no." "does it have to do anything with the letter 'A'?" Which was code for Austin. i smiled. "no." "ok." i think he said something else but i was muttered and i didn't really hear it. the bell rang and i slowly walked out of class. i walked out and stopped by the library to wait for amber to come out. Edneesha walked up, "hey, why were you crying?" "i...um...I'll tell you later." "oh look, he comes perfect-hair-boy." i smiled because that was the other guy i liked but we didn't know his name but he had perfect, long, 70's style hair that he was a master at flipping. he walked by and i felt a little better. i turned and amber walked out. "are you ok?" "yea, I'm better." we walked. "i love you." "aw, i love you too." we walked and then i saw Austin. he looked so good too. we walked past him and down the ramp to the PAC. but for some reason i didn't really care, all i cared about was getting home and talking to Jessika. i just wanted to go home and not deal with the BS of school. but I'm glad i went...1

...i love you Jessika...2

...i don't exactly know how to finish so i guess...the end.3