Oh Say can you see..

Regret sets in as hines sight reminds me of what took place here last night. I try to comprehend the reasons and the thoughts behind the decision I made. The shower water running sets in place the reality that nothing will ever be the same after this. You kissed my lips, I touched your thigh, and we both indulged in each others pain. Married ten years to the woman that i've loved since high school. She fixes breakfast for our two children Kyle and Karen, and I watch in awe of the life God has blessed me with. You are still as pretty as the day we met so long ago. Your hair still hangs as it did, your smile still lights up any room you enter. I remember sitting behind you in class thinking of all the things i'd say to you if given the chance. Fumbling over my words as you ask me for the time and I could only stare, smile, and blush. No words would come out when I opened my mouth so I just gave you my watch and walked away. I was never the type to do well with words or uncomfortable situations. But you chose me in-spite of all that I was lacking.1

TWO summers ago I started a new job that allowed me to head my own internet company. I ran it to perfection. Always arriving at 7 o'clock sharp everyday. I studied my employees, I groomed this project as if it were one of my own children. 7 o'clock at night I punched the clock and head home to my family and dinner. Every single day came to be so routine. Up and down, up and down like I was in a continuous exercising video stuck on repeat. I started to hate my life, my job, and eventually my wife. Suddenly her cooking tasted different, her hair didn't hang so low, and that once beautiful smile was now just another cynical smirk. I threw myself more and more into this project. Midnight rolls around and i'm still where I started out at 7am. She never complained or questioned me. She hardly asked how the project was going and for that I resented her more. Soon I started hanging out with friend instead of coming straight home. I'd gargle mouth wash to hide the fact that i'd been drinking and smoking. The more time went on the more I stepped further and further from my old life style. Till the day I met Allison. She was a summer intern from Chicago. She had the prettiest smile, the softest hair and her walk made you pay attention as if the Star Spangled Banner was playing over the PA system. She often came into my office to show me story boards or plans for her own company she planned on starting. We hit it off well, both being from a small town and grew up with strict religious parents. She would sometimes share stories of her father and how she missed the small town life and wondered if she'd ever make it back. I envied her love for the place in which she came, cause my memories of that time wasn't so pleasant.2

I'd offer her a ride home on occasions when her roommate was late to pick her up which seemed to be often. But knowing I was married she'd decline and sent pleasantries to my wife. I always wondered if in another life and time would she be interested in me. Always too afraid to ask questions that would possibly lead to rejection so I would keep those thoughts private. My daily routine gets interrupted as I arrive at work to fine Allison already there. She wore this form fitting sun dress that flowed like a symphony and my eyes were its conductor. She seemed sadden over the fact that today would be her last day as summer had ended and chicago's grueling school schedule was soon approaching. She confided with me that day and into that night as we shared drinks and more old stories. Somewhere in between that third and forth friendly tap on my thigh I got the urge to ask her to dance, and she obliged. We dance and laughed and drank till we ended up back at her place half dressed, half regretful, and half way to finishing when my phone rang. Violently vibrating against the dressers' mirror I could see the name Mary on the display. My wife, my soul-mate, my family was calling me. Through her inebriated state of mind I think she read the display as well because she stops and reality sets in as we hear the shower water still running, the music still playing, and my phone still ringing for me to come home. Privately I still think of that night,the look she gave as I walked from her door and how the Star Spangled Banner now has a completely new meaning for me.