Chapter 1: Flame vs. Raven

The mist is cold as darkness descends.  A full moon hangs in oblivion.  Stars twinkle in the fading sunlight.  A young woman walks alone down the streets of New York.  Her red hair cascades down her back, like a waterfall of fire.  She is wearing black, low-riding jeans and a cream, snug-fitting, high-rise sweater.  To all appearances she is an innocent young woman, just out of high school.  But in reality she is a huntress; A being of the night.  Most could not meet her eye, for here eyes do more than see.  As she walks she has the graceful walk of a panther.  Some call her unreal, a freak.  But others know the truth, for they are like her, creatures of the darkness.  Her real name is not known so her friends call her Flame, because of her waterfall of red hair.1

A young man walks out of an ally to meet her. He is wearing black jeans and a black T-shirt that shows off his muscles to perfection. The young man’s name was changed and because of that he prefers to go by Raven.  The two silently continue.  Darkness hugs their bodies as they walk, making them almost invisible to the world.   The only sign that they are really there is Flame’s cream sweater, and even that is questioned.  Others emerge from the shadows and join them in their silent walk.  They continue on to Central Park and glide into the forest.  Nothing is said but they all anticipate each others next move.  An unseen path is followed deeper into the forest of trees.  2

As the group enters a clearing Flame and the young man walk to the center.  The others gather at the edge and sink into the shadows.  The young couple face each other, surrounded by their friends and the dark forest.  Moon shines down on them, the light glittering in Flame’s red hair and brings out the dark blue in the young man’s raven hair.  Raven and Flame are not there out of friendship for each other.  They are here to fight for leadership.3

When the moon is directly above them, they begin to change. Meeting the Raven’s eyes Flame began to transform.  Slowly at first, and then faster, and faster.  Her fiery waterfall of hair turning white and slipping beneath her clothes to cover her skin.  Her eyes turned black as her manicured nails turned black and extended into claws.  Her hands transformed into paws with thick, protective pads.  When she stopped shifting she was in the form of a powerful Siberian tiger.  4

Raven stood there for a moment looking her up and down and then he changed too.  His change was less showy and swift.  His raven hair slid beneath his clothes and covered his body with silky, satin fur.  His eyes shifting to yellow as his bitten nails harden and lengthen into claws.  His hands turning into swift paws, silent as night.  When his transformation was complete his form was that of a jungle panther.  5

The two shook off their clothing and faced each other.  Standing still for a moment and then they moved.  They circled one another, looking for the others weaknesses.  With lightning fast reflexes the two leap at each other, trying to make the other bleed.6

Their teeth lock and their eyes meet.  Fury and pain are reflected in both sets of orbs.  No mercy.  The pair unlock jaws and circle each other, daring the other to lay down and expose their throat.  The onlookers peer out from the shadows of the trees, silently urging the two felines on, hoping the victor will be strong.7

The moon, high in the sky, shines down in the giant cats.  It’s light reflecting of the Siberian’s white coat. The blue highlights in the panther’s coat shine, like sapphires in the sky.8

Author notes

I'm writing a book...that I'll hopefully finish instead of putting away in some box. Anyhow, I wanted you to read it and give me any suggestions, ideas, or disagreements with the text you may have. ThankX and enjoy!

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Comments


  • November 6, 2003
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    Hmm, you have some good description throughout and metaphors similies etc. But I think you are presenting everything in too direct a manner, where you seem to be stating fact after fact, you might want to look into some other ways to present ideas than the obvious and make the reader make some leaps instead of laying down everything as you seemed to at the start. For instance your first three sentances could be combined into something like "Surrounded by stars that twinkled dimly through the descending mist, a full moon heralds the approach of night's oblivion." or something like that, good thoughts though, the better you get with description the better your ideas will seem though to most people.