A long, long time ago. There lived the people in the mountain of Vietnam. They are unknown as the Montagnard people, which mean 'mountain people' in French. 1
An orphan girl who lived with her adopted grandmother Pom. Her name was Lui. She was happened to live in the village near to the Prong Mt. People in the village didn't like her because she was ugly and poor. Her cloth wasn't pretty like other girls. Her face got dirty and she kept on working to support her adopted grandmother and herself in the farm, and some times, she have to go and find something from the trash to make something good out of it. 2
No matter how much a nice person she had been, nobody like her. Every boys and girls laughed at her when she went to the public fountain. So one day, they finally kicked her and her grandmother out of the village because they said that she made the fountain dirty with her dirty hand.3
They moved out to live in the forest in a little hut someone had left behind. There her grandmother died, and she lived by herself lonely after that. 4
Far away from the Prong Mt., There lived a prince name Dam Phu. He never had a heart for his people accept of what he know. His father was the god of Drong Mt. And he finally reach his age to be married. His father told him that there was only a girl who lived far away from him. She was born to be his wife. When the time come, he must go and find her. At first the prince didn't listen to his father. He gave a second thought and agreed to go and find the promised girl. 5
He started from Drong Mt. He met many people on the way. Poor, rich, nice, good, and bad one. He became nice and helped them on his way. He met many animals that became his friends and they went with him on his journey. They were rabbit, wolf, tiger, snake, hippo, elephant, and many more animals. Some girls were trying to pretend that they were the girl that he was looking for. He almost fall for their trick, but luckily, he got the magic mirror from his dad. The mirror helped him.6
When he finally came to Prong Mt. People in the village knew who he was looking for, but they didn't tell him about her. So Dam Phu went to the next village. He looked for her from villages to villages, but he couldn't find her. He went back to the Prong Mt. and rest in the forest near Prong Mt. There he heard a cried. A girl was crying by herself near by. He followed the sound of the cried and reached the little broken hut. There he heard the girl said while crying, "Grandma, why was I born into this world? Was I did something bad in my previous life? And now god is punishing me? I don't want to live anymore." Dam Phu went into the hut and found the girl was trying to hanng herself from the ceiling of the hut. Dam Phu used his sword and cut off the rope and caught the girl on his arm. 7
"Are you stupid? Killing yourselve is not the only way to solve a problem okay?" the girl was Lui. She got down to the ground and turned away from Dam Phu. She didn't want Dam Phu to see her ugly face and dress. Suddenly the mirror came out of Dam Phu's bag. The mirror faced Lui's front and it shone over her body. Suddenly Lui became beautiful. Her dress became so beautiful with long white Asian dress. Lui didn't know that she'd been transform into a beautiful girl. Dam Phu knew that she was the one that he was looking for. Dam Phu pulled her hand back to look at him. But Lui kept on looking away because she was embarassing of her ugly face. He was too shinning. Dam Phu told her that he was looking for her. She at first thought it was a joke, but then she looked at herself infront of the magic mirror and saw a beautiful girl standing in front of her. She agreed to go with Dam Phu. 8
They ride an Elephant, one of his friend animal, across the Prong Mt. People said sorry to Lui and Lui forgave them. But at first the people couldn't believe that she was Lui. 9
They went back to Drong Mt. and they married. They have a big party. AND THEY LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER!10
The End!!
Author notes
I summary my story that I wrote to make it short. lolx.. help me check my grammar? pleasE? thank.
A contest entry
- Traditional Fairy Tale Style (Re-opened and extended) by Myryca.
175 points, ended May 26, 12 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Once upon a time by slyly annonymous.
450 points, ended September 16, 9 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Is my story good??
Comments
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Great story, I really like it! It's a bit sad in the middle but I always love a happy ending, I found a few grammar mistakes just little ones but overall you did an amazing job writing this =]


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This comes close to being a bad colour choice for reading.
I must also be brutally honest and say that you need to improve your English if you wish to seriously get into the English market. If not, then it doesn't matter and you can just keep writing for your own enjoyment.
Apart from that, this certainly has potential in the ideas within it.
Some criticisms:
You don't need to explain the meaning of everyone's names. It's not important. It's great that you're picking meaningful names but the readers don't need to know that kind of stuff. At least not for every single name.
The elephant at the end was a bit random I thought. And it seems strange that Dam Phu was so much in love with Bya Co and yet he goes off and marries Lui immediately. If you're going to do that then don't put Bya Co in at all.
It also seems odd that Lui was an "orphan" and yet she lived with her grandmother. How can she be an orphan if she has family?
Anyway, this is one of the few stories entered in my contest which is more in the style that I wanted so thanks for entering it. It needs a bit of work but the ideas/plot really do have potential.beginning: 4, language: 2, plot: 4, ending: 4, dialog: 3, characters: 4.
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Oh thank you for the comment!
I edited my story.. Thank you so much for the comment... I really want to improve my writting.. so thank. if u have time. Please read my story again, cuz I just edited them, and i erased some of the part that you recommented. thankk a lot... have a great day....
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