A child squeals with glee upon seeing a winning combination of cards uncovered upon a rug. It’s 1930, and war hasn’t yet come to this idyllic part of the Japanese countryside. In a small, rural house the family is enjoying a late afternoon sun; the kids play with their new set of karuta cards with their mother while the father sits aside reading the morning edition of the day’s Yomiuri Shimbun. The room is sparsely furnished and the early afternoon sun streams gracefully through the open window.1
A light breeze slips playfully into the room unsettling three of the cards, bringing yet more joyous squeals from the children. Their mother smiles serenely at the scene, admiring her two children affectionately. The cards are just new out of their box; the plastic seal still covers the outside of the packet. The images of flowers still retain a healthy look on the cards’ surfaces while their edges still revolt against the signs of misuse. All over Japan, families play with similar decks, but this one will live a life more interesting than many.2
It’s now 1942 and an aging father crouches in the mud and grass of Guadalcanal. Amongst his belongings sits an inconspicuous deck of cards, a memento of happier times spent at home. To his left and right colleagues lie in wait of the advancing enemy forces. Their audacity to take on the Empire of Japan marks them for death; a fortunately swift death.3
Trees rustle further down the path and the Japanese forces ready their rifles. This is the fourth such skirmish that this old father has fought this week, but it will be his last. The enemy, Americans, are now mere feet away and a cry goes up. The Japanese stream from their hiding places, catching the enemy off guard. Somewhere in the tumult a bullet is fired, catching the young father in a lung. No one knows who fired that bullet but it achieved its purpose and another body cools on the earth of Guadalcanal.4
Years pass and we now find ourselves in central Miami. A young girl, maybe eighteen or nineteen stares intently at a collection of Japanese articles in her father’s collection. Many of the pieces are remnants a war long passed; looted from the bodies of the dead or from overthrown quarters. Amidst the collection lies a slightly damaged deck of cards, the girl doesn’t recognise the patterns on the box and it is too early for the name Nintendo Corp. to be widely recognised this side of the Pacific.5
Quietly opening the door she reaches into the display cabinet and runs her finger over a well preserved bayonet, a Japanese pistol and ammo clip before settling on the deck of cards. They look out of place amidst the collection of weapons and at the same time bring an air of peace to the instruments of death. 6
Again the years pass, and our young American girl has grown older and she has a family of her own. Her father, the war veteran lies dying in his bed upstairs and she finds herself once more looking at the collection of artefacts in the display cabinet of her fathers living room. Beside her, her husband eyes the collection greedily; the intention of selling off the collection is clear on his face. 7
He has already singled out the bayonet for sale, and the pistol and ammo should also earn a tidy sum. In his head he prices the entire collection until he comes to the deck of cards. His gaze rests on the packet for a second before he consigns it to the bin, it wouldn’t even be worth putting them up for sale.8
The following year the items have been sold, earning the American woman and her husband a tidy sum. Reluctantly he let her keep hold of the deck of karuta cards which now sit snugly in her handbag. A boat is about to set sail for the Pacific island of Guadalcanal.9
Upon landing the American group of veterans and the families of deceased veterans are met by their Japanese counterparts. In silence they leave the historic beaches of Guadalcanal and enter its lush interior. Next to the American woman a Japanese lady, maybe fifteen years her senior weeps quietly. With her fractured Japanese the American learns that the Japanese lady lost her father at Guadalcanal, she was only sixteen at the time of the battle.10
Later, upon the site of the Edson’s Ridge confrontation, the American feels compelled to return the cards to their home. As she crouches in to place them on the ground of Guadalcanal, the aging Japanese woman spots them and is reminded of that tranquil summer afternoon, playing cards with her mother and brother while her father reads the Yomiuri Shimbun beside them. 11
Drying fresh tears from her cheeks she crosses to the American and, in perfect English, relates her story. Moved by the woman’s frankness, the American hands her the packet so that they may return home with their rightful owners. They remain there, in a quiet village in Japan to this day. 12
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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Eek. another present tense story! Let's hope you do it nicely.
para 2: you overuse "still" a bit in the 2nd-to-last sentence.
Still not too keen on the tense use, but I think the way you're telling the story it wouldn't work much better in the past tense without serious revision. It's OK, just not to my taste!
para 3: final sentence "a fortunately swift death" is a bit hard on the tongue. "fortunately a swift death" would work better.
I like the description in para6.
Hmm. This was a nice idea, but it felt a bit stumbling. It might have been better to do separate cut-scenes of each owner of the cards, rather than linking them all together and being "pally" with the reader. But this was an interesting read. -
I think that writing historical pieces is not an easiest. In this case, long time spend in a research on other culture usually produce very original story as compared to the general mainstream.
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I loved it! It was very emotional, and had loads of personality. The tale of the cards took me on a journey with them. The historical value of the cards, says that you were deticated to this entrie. Your grammar was amazing as well as your puntuation. You did amazingly, this is wonderful. I hope you enjoyed writing this as much as I enjoyed reading it. When I first started I thought it was going to be a sad story, with an awful ending, but when I got to the end I could not help but smiling. You kept the story alive through out the whole thing.
Again very good job, keep up the good work.beginning: 4, language: 4, plot: 4, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Great story! I love the detail and the plot of the story! There were a few gramatical errors, but other than that everything was great! I really enjoyed reading that!
WEll done and nicely done! Keep on writin
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It's a very cute story,the ending really made me smile. It's a bit short but very interesting and descriptive.
Great job =]
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Great job! It was very, very, very nice. You're really good with the details, by the way. It's what makes the story so good, I think. You are a phenomenal writer. Keep up the good work, and happy writing!
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Beautiful!
That's a cute story-heartwarming! I mean, not because the men died (that's really sad...but part of life) but because the Japanese woman got her cards back. It's rare to see a coincidence like that, but they happen. The cards cheered her up, too. Your writing seems very good; you know how to develop a story. There's some storys where they just-PLAP-start, and things happen for no rhyme or reason. I'm no exception, of course. The story felt like something that could really happen-a giant Zorblog didn't come in and deccimate the soldiers.
Someone said the characters didn't quite work-but it's a short story. There's not much time to develop many characters.
beginning: 4, language: 5, plot: 4, ending: 5, characters: 2.
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This is quite good, I must say I found it less moving than it was clearly intended to be, simply because it was so sparse - little time for characters to take hold etc That aside it is very well-written and has many interesting themes buried within it - to do with mortality, fate, aggression etc.
You should write a screenplay around it and try and get a short film made, it would work well in that format too
A. H.
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That's really great! I loved it! A great piece and very well written!
Great Job!
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good style and well written. you certainly know how to write, and make sure you know what youre talking about.
little details like the nintendo logo, back when it was still a small japanese gaming company added character to the piece.
It was a bit stale for me, maybe extend the intense bits like the man being shot etc as it is the foundation of the story.
overall though very descriptive, thoughtful and original
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I liked it and it was a very good subject and you made the cards make it s way back to the original owner and they
took a heck of a journey. The flow was nice and it kept my attention through out, and it was known what was going to happen but you still wanted to find out for sure. You did well with this and it was well put together and enjoyed it. Continue to write more like this and you will move up in writerville most definitely.
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No offence, but this wasn't a very interesting story, i understand that it was supposed to sound deep and stuff, but after the first paragraph i wanted to stop reading
but spelling and grammer was okay, so good job on that -
Nice story
Well this was really good actuallyWell written, and nice story(I love Japan). It was a bit unclear if the american girl that bought the cards were the daughter to the man who died, but it was still very good. Keep it up
beginning: 3, language: 4, plot: 3, ending: 4, characters: 2.
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