The distant smoke blew dauntingly in the foggy air surrounding Eva's small Cabin on the highway.1
She had chosen to purchase the block of land situating herself so that her view of nature was plentiful and her chance at observation was plausible.2
Dawn, dusk, rain or shine her muse had managed to stay by her side. A companion that never left. That never switched off until the point of exhaustion was close to abiding a death wish.3
Today she packed her luggage.4
Her Crisp paged notebooks. Her blotting, dried up pens and her character index cards smudged with coffee and laced with cigarette ashes. Her clothes were not important. She would not need them at all. She would only need the clothes that she was wearing and her favorite woolen scarf to provide her with the protection and warmth she needed. 5
“Are you all set then?” Toby asked. His voice jolly and filled with excitement.6
“Yes, but I am not ready,” Eva said hearing her tone of confusion as Toby laughed loudly and uneasy into the phone.7
“You not ready for writing? What is there to be ready about? You have never had a problem with writing before. Your prolific bitch you,” he joked.8
Eva shook her head asking herself the same question. She paused for a moment, pondering the possibilities and shrugged answering Toby's question.9
“The unfamiliar,” Eva decided slugging her writing bag over her shoulder.10
“Well there is nothing to be afraid of my dear,” Toby said soothingly. “See It as a retreat. A day away from your cabin, You spend far to much time cooped inside those dusty walls. You need to get out here into the fresh air.”11
Eva frowned and looked out the window onto her stone drive way to see Toby waving one hand in the air while he snapped his phone shut with the other. She dropped her phone onto the hallway table and shuffled around her handbag for her car keys. She heard the door open and looked up to see Toby standing in the doorway beckoning her outside.12
“Don't worry about your car Eva. You won't need it. Besides the walk will do you good.”13
“ Walk,” she questioned looking out her front door. She had not been for a walk around the Forrest surrounding the cabin in years.14
Toby's smiled remained as he tugged on her arm and locked the front door behind them, pulling her out onto the driveway.15
“Your ready?” he asked again looking towards the Forrest.16
Eva shook her head. Uncertain, yet certain that today was going to be one hellish adventure.
Author notes
The firt half was written some time ago and I decided to finish it of tonight while I had sever writers stump ;[ Do not know how it turned out, but I think it was quiet alright.
What do you think?
Can You connect?
Blair
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
-
Well-written, quick, snappy, to the point. I think you should definitely expand, could be something worthwhile. I think I want to know where the story goes, but I think you should characterize more. A little bit of back history.
But great nonethless!
-
ooOoo. I liked it. Very well-written. The progression is pretty smooth, too. I normally find most reads to be a chore, but yours was just a pleasure.
I don't have any suggestions on bettering it, as it's already pretty well-written. Descriptions would be good - but, then again, I'm a flowery descriptor, so my opinion is biased. x.x
-
great! very atmospheric and haunting. i love the the language you've used. very formal - almost old fashioned - but it really suits Eva. she seems from another time, another place. you've given the impression of a ghost, quietly haunting the cabin, unaware of the world changing around her. unaware, even, of her own ghostly state. it seems, to her, the world is a ghost - reality only being found in the products of her own mind. that is why i found the character of Toby so refreshing. his presence shouts of imminent, dramatic change. your conclusion left me wanting to know what this change holds. will you be writing more? i hope so.
J.P.T.
-
I think your character is very captivating-would be to almost anyone on here. We can relate, somewhat, and I love this new character you're using. She's mysterious, sheltered, and very interesting. I think lots could come from the idea...
Haven't talked in a while, have we? How are you? How's your writing?
Love always,
Steph.
-
A good beginning
This piece reads like there's more in store, which there most certainly seems to be. The writing bites at the reader's ankles, letting the reader know that something is afoot, and invites him or her to find out more.
There's a good serve of character development, even in this first segment and we get the feeling that this writer is very much a woman so absorbed in her own worlds that she only peaks out when she needs that little extra bit of detail. And she's about to get an awakening to the fact that the world around her is very real. There's a definite sense of being in her shoes for this eye opening ride.
All in all, an excellent read, and I look forward to the possibility of additional parts if the mood to write them grabs you ^_^
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
Adding your comment:
1 - 5 of 5
