My Nana


My Nana was a wonderful person. She gave me big hugs and great presents. She liked to make pottery and do gardening. She had a really BIG garden with lots of pretty flowers. Nana had a cute fluffy dog. It had scruffy white fur. It was playful and very cuddly. Nana also had a bird. It was small and yellow and it lived in a cosy little cage. Nana was good at cooking too. She made lovely cakes and tasty desserts. My Nana had soft smooth cheeks. She had wavy hair which was a brown-grey colour. She wore nice clothes. Some were pink, green or purple. She had lots to choose from. Nana was a fantastic nana and I loved everything about her.
But one day she went to the doctor for a check-up. Soon enough she found out she had a cancer in her lung. It kept on spreading through her and Nana got more and more sick. Her cheeks became blotchy and rough. Her hair became straggly and thin. Nana became unable to eat or drink. Her bones became weak and she was swollen all over. Soon she couldn’t walk or talk. She eventually faded away. Nana drifted off into the best place you could ever go. A dreamyplace called heaven.
I love to visit Nana. We go to a place called a cemetery. It is very big and has beautiful gardens everywhere. There is a special spot where there is a big stone. It has Nana’s name on it. Lots of her friends and family put flowers and trinkets on it. I like to leave pink notes with hearts on the stone. They say how much I love her. They say how much I miss her. They say all my hopes and dreams. They say how sad everything seems without her but how I have now learned that these things sometimes happen and that every living thing has its time.

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 35 of 35

  • Quiley
    November 18
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    This is really good, I have a grandmother who died of cancer, I can relate. You are very descriptive even though you use a limited vocabulary... This is a good piece.


  • E Ardania
    November 13
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    A strange little package of 'childish innocence'. You tell the story in such a simplistic way, yet the emotion is there.

    The sentences seem a little 'premature' to me, though. Consider joining up some sentences to make longer ones, instead of constructing your entire story out of simple/short sentences. The last sentence, however, I must say is a little long (in comparison to the rest of the story). Some commas would also do your story lots of good; perhaps separating the first paragraph into a two or three will also prove to be effective.

    A touching write! Good luck in the contest.


  • Mistress Cheetah
    November 13
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    I said in the rules that you cannot enter something I haven;t read beforte.


  • Mistress Cheetah
    October 23
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    Good luck in the contest! It's very sweet, and I love it!


  • lesbian-in-love
    October 23
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    Thanks for entering and best of luck to you in the contest.

  • lesbian-in-love
    October 12

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    This was very moving. I remember when I was little when I went to see my grandmoter's grave and we usually played Collin Raye's If You Get There Before I Do..It was something we always did but one time we went and no one had it so I started to sing it. This was really good and moving. Thanks so much for entering and best of luck to you in the contest. Keep up the good work!


  • deisasoluver
    October 5

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    Splendid,just Splendid!!

    This was really good! The description was wonderful,and the short story was fasinating and splendid,completely delightful!! The characters description was deep and detailed,the feeling was so real,as If I was there. The story is a masterpiece! I also enjoy how you made the innocence so real,and fasinating. Thye story,it felt so true,I feel sorrow to the core for you and your nana. A sad death,lung cancer. I thank you for this wonderful piece of art,which is unique with a quality that isn't found much anymore: Sorrow. Usually the genre is horror or adult ...*shiver* Anyway,my contest is a sucsess so far,so thank you for this wonderful entry!

    ~Su!

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.


  • Shadow Pixie
    September 27

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    This was really amazing, very sad and sweet. It stuck in my mind afterwards, it's a fantastic piece of writing. Well done and thanks so much for entering. Good luck.

    ~ Leah


  • iCats gold member
    September 26

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    Hey.

    Firstly thanks for entering.
    This is a really cute piece of writing, except for the tragic ending. The short and simple sentences give it such an innocent feel.

    Thanks once again for entering

    Love always Staci


  • mememe6
    September 9

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    awww that was beautiful! i especially like the end, which was so true about everyone having their own time. thank you so much for entering, i really enjoyed this!


  • Spazlle
    September 5

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    Wow, that was epic (save for the horribly sad ending)
    The short cut sentences gave it an EMORous effect overall making it seem sweet and innocent just adding to the sadness at the end. It was very sad and you did a wonderfull job at it. Short, simple and effective


  • therenaissancegirl gold member
    September 3

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    It's written very simply, like from the view of a small child. It's a very nice effect, one that works very well with this story. It was heartfelt and sweet, so nice job and good luck in the SFA contest!!

    Renaissance


  • yin20yang
    August 25

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    I see that the excessive use of the word 'nanna' is used for emphasis. The innocence is disparaging. The emotion is easy to relate to, and the description is all encompassing. I must say good job.


  • artaq gold member
    August 23
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    What a sweet and sad story.. Lovely.

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.


  • Clary--Selene--Tayy gold member
    August 18
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    I loved it!


  • Love Dreamer
    August 15
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    AWWWWW it was so touchinng and sad

  • leolord5235
    August 13
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    Not a love story between a boy and a girl which is what I wanted


  • EverRose
    August 12

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    Aww, Very sad and touching.
    Great writing, you did a great job. I hope my nana never goes away!
    -Rose


  • JJBanReo gold member
    July 29
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    Sad Story

    Not all stories have a happy ending. I miss my Nana too. Your a wonderful writer. Keep it up.
    JJ


  • Asfand
    July 28

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    Beautifully worded. I found this filled with honesty and simplistic beauty.

    Great work.

    Thanks for entering and good luck ~~

  • Adele Ellen Bakker
    July 18

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    A lovely reflection on your time with your nana. I think it is good the way you did not shy away from the reality of her illness and you have a hopeful ending.


  • Raining.Fire
    July 5

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    AWW!!!! The first paragraph made me like Nana. The second paragraph made me feel sorry for her, and the last paragraph made me see how much you loved, and still love her. Wonderful job!


  • sberendt gold member
    July 3

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    Hmm. This really isn't a short story, but it was nice just the same. The emotion was very raw and true. Nice job!

    ~sberendt


  • LindaIsMe
    June 28

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    It was sweet. I liked reading it and it truly touched my heart. I noticed a few grammar mistakes here and there, but they weren't really big ones. Good job thanks for entering my contest and good luck.

    May your Nana live happily in the stars.


  • Le mie liriche
    June 12

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    Ciò lo ha incitato a strappare in su. La vostra Nana suona come una persona meravigliosa. Scritto molto bene, toccante ed appena realmente stupendo! Chiara


  • Milly4EdwardCullen
    June 8

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    this is really emotional

    this is very touching. my friend died from cancer 2 years ago, she was just 15. we decorated her grave with anything we could find, and the actually writing is pink on the stone.
    i'm sure she's very happy that you're talking to her and that you visit her.


  • onaya3
    June 8

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    A touching piece...

    ...as it plays on the emotions. Yes, I too lost my Nan from cancer. It's a cruel way to die with the Reaper not too fussy on who he picks either. This piece does justice to that special person in your life.

    beginning: 3, language: 3, plot: 3, ending: 3, dialog: 3, characters: 3.


  • Rose Hathaway
    May 23

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    Judges Comment

    Awwww! This is very touching. Even more so because of the deep feeling you had for your nana. Your words flow well and the message of the story is clear. May she RIP. Well done.

    ~~Roza


  • Ms.Daydream
    May 23

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    Aw! This is so touching and sad! May she RIP. I like the description of her when she's alive and the pink heart notes on her grave, it's like you're talking to her. Well done. =)


  • Willowleaf-
    May 23

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    Aw... that was sweet and cute. I hope your Nana is watching over you right now. I bet she really loves what you are doing. =)


  • cole3313
    May 14
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    Awww thats sweet. It's sad too. I really liked it. Good luck!


  • flowerbee1234
    May 11
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    Oh.. that is sad but very true from your heart. I'm sorry your Nana passed away, but you are healing pretty well. It is wonderful that you were so close to your Nana and that you got to spend time with her before this happened. So... basically... your nana is your friend? That's cool. It was very nice except for some grammar mistakes. Good luck in the contest!


  • belle980
    May 11
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    10/10 crystal ur story rox it was touching

    hi crystal i love your story and i think its so sweet when i lost belle it ws so sad but i dont know what its like to loose a grandmother but i think it would feel the same as to loosing ur best friend.ur story was touching and i think that u will be a great writer one day.

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.


  • MoonStar005
    May 9
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    That's really sweet. Sorry, about your Nana. My Nana died about 3 years ago.


  • NarniaKid
    May 3
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    10 out of 10

    This story is very personal to me and means a lot. It was read out at my Nana's funeral. Its a young childrens' picture book. Its teaches them a valuble lesson and is fairly simple to understand. Hope you like it! Thanks for reading!

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 3, ending: 4, dialog: 5, characters: 4.

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