Life is difficult to understand. It is difficult to understand why we are here, what are we supposed to do here. what? Are we meant to just be born then grow up get a job have a family and then that’s all you do for the rest of your life till you die? Life’s is a challenge you can’t ask what you want in life nor can you choose particular things in your life, or how you want to live it. 1
Well that’s not what I want in life, I don’t want to wake up in the morning and open my eyes to the same day as I did yesterday, I don’t want to repeat and do the same old thing I did last week or even the week before that, that’s not how life should be. Well that’s what I’m worried about; I’m worried about the future what the world will be in 10 years who knows? 2
When something goes wrong or when what you thought was long life friendship turns into tears and sorrows that’s when I think life is a punishment. There are some aspects in life that are everlasting but that is as good life gets. Sometimes you think the afterworld could be better or maybe even worse. The afterlife could be what you think is heaven when peace and loyalty becomes real. Tough there is hell, where all you do is longtime punishment for something you did in the “real world” or there is just recantation. Recantation seems a good way to go, reappear as something more grater than you were a better life, better beauty, and better achievement. But can any of that be true? What can you believe? 3
No one is perfect in this world though there are a few that have more than just enough, where as there are others who are dying right in the sand of shallowness. Life isn’t fair nor is it perfect! Life has so many problems were no one is equal and no one has what they asked for in the first place. That is why I choose to just live life and live the perfect life in a different world, the world of my mind.4
5
My name is Sunday, I am just an average fifteen year old girl that goes to school, has a good group of friends and typical parents, I am just like everyone else though I wouldn’t call myself normal. When I was just 12 years old I was diagnosed with minor depression. I never really agreed on what life gave me and I didn’t find anything positive about myself and my life. That’s when it seemed to come to me that I was always emotional, always feeling sorry for myself and moody. I was beginning to dislike going to school and I didn’t like talking to my parents and friends about my problems, school or even specific events that occurred. When my parents noticed my change they took me to see a physiatrist. They told me that I was suffering with depression and to expect it too get worst, they told me to stop worrying and to stop judging myself and just to take myself and life for what it is. Though I don’t agree on what the physiatrist said because she wouldn’t know what I’m dealing with nor does she know what depression feels like. When this all happened to me, I seemed to figure out a different way to enjoy life. 6
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I don’t live like everyone else and I don’t think and do like others, that’s because I live in two worlds one that is average and livable but there is another world, another world that is ten times greater than your normal life, a life in which you can choose, believe and be whoever you want to be. The world that you can only wish for, the world that is impossible and whatever happens in that world always stays in that world. It never ever comes true because it is the world where you are what you can’t be; the world where all your dreams come true in the one place, but that world is only yours. No one knows about it, you can’t share it because everyone will think your nuts but if only that little world where you are the most import think where you can be a superstar and everyone loves you or even the guy you liked for years `is your boyfriend. But there is one problem about this world that is the biggest problem more than anything, that world just doesn’t become real like you wish. If only life was as perfect as my mind.8
9
Chapter 1 Dreaming10
There was a young boy and I in the setting of the deep blue seas of the Greek islands in the pacific. We rested on wood crafted boats breathing in the fresh air of the crystal clear blue sea. This was strange I had never seen this boy and we lay there for hours staring at the morning horizon of the sea like we were best friends. But then this wonderful dreamlike setting turned from peaceful and wonderful to a holocaust, I wasn’t quite sure what caused this such nightmare but it was far from normal. 11
12
An older aged man was running towards the boy and I, his face hard and deep with scarce emotion he had he’s arms clenched into fists and was laughing his voice seductive. The boy cried out in pain leaving me confused and curious, what was happening? Why was this man running toward us like we were his golden enemies and why was this boy crying, did he know this man? This left me no choice but to run, I threw myself over the edge of the craft and swam to the shore lines hoping to escape for I met the gaze of the older man. I reached the shorelines gasping for air and caught the eye of the scarce man grabbing the young boy and covering his mouth with a thick anchor chain from an old boat. I knew that the boy was in trouble but I didn’t know the boy and I had to save myself, adrenaline traced through my veins and I sprinted towards the island escaping from my worst nightmare. Before I knew it I was in a dark, stoned carved tunnel that was kilometers long and I was hyperventilating and scared, all I wanted to do was scream and find my way out though I couldn’t all that was their left for me was fear.13
14
I screamed and jumped up from my bed gasping with fright. I looked around me too see if everything was normal and took a look outside my bedroom window, it was still dark with a little shade of sunlight over the horizon. It was the worst of all dreams I just sat on the edge of my bed convincing myself it was just a dream. Minutes later I got out of bed and cleaned my room determined to shake of the dream then I decided while it was still early morning to go and wash my face to clear my mind from all the unpleasant thoughts my dream had left me.15
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“What are you doing dear” mum called from the edge of the open door. I turned around to see her anxious face staring at me; she must’ve heard me scream.17
“Just another dream mother, no need to worry” 18
“Well you have been having alot of them lately, maybe you need to go and see a physiatrist again sweetie are you in pain?”19
“A physiatrist? No! It is alright mother; it was just a weird nightmare nothing major. You need to stop stressing everyone has dreams ok!” I said with a tone there was no way I needed to see some physic Trist for having a nightmare even if it related to my depression!20
“Darling but you are screaming and crying in your sleep its making both your father and I very worried maybe the doctor can help you? It won’t hurt”. 21
“Mum! I don’t need to see any doctor ok just leave it at that, Gosh!” 22
I hurried down the stairs stamping my feet, I was so angry that I didn’t even glimpse a smile or even bared to look at my father. I just grabbed the bowl of cereal waiting on the bench and sat on the chair across from my father staring down.23
“What was the dream about this time?” My dad asked in a board tone looking straight into the newspaper he was reading.24
“Nothing to important, what is the news headlines about this time?”25
“Same old, crimes, politics, environment, and just a article about starving kids in Africa which is quite interesting. Hey why not do this article for your assignment you never know sweetheart it might get out the A’s you looking for” Dad said in assumption 26
“Its ok but I have other plans to get the A’s and that doesn’t involve starving children but hey thanks. I have to go anyway, goodbye dad”. I left the half finished cereal on the table and rushed to get my schoolbag and headed out the font door.27
“Don’t you want me to take you dear instead of catching the bus?” 28
“No dad I like the bus and the bus is better. Bye dad I love you!” I yelled back over my shoulder running to the bus stop.29
The bus trip was always a long trip, it always took forever to get to school so I closed my eyes and took myself from the real world for the moment and went into the life that I wished existed…30
31
"Prologue"32
It was winter, and all the mountains in the deep forests were covered in snow the forest floor all covered in snow flakes. There were four young children standing like frozen ice block’s in the clearing of the forest staring down a clan of vampire’s much older than all three of us. 33
34
Markova, Aveda, Cristian and I were a small clan of vampires deadly dangerous to the human world. Vampires in this world weren’t as deadly as the vampire myths say, we’d hunt human’s but only the bad ones like murders and prisoners that were ready to be hanged but not the humans that innocently live amongst us. Sometime we immortals would feed of stranded dead bodies of humans that were nothing but decomposed meat and sometimes if there was no human’s around we would feed of dead animals we would past through daily in the forest, though animals were only our secondary sources. We weren’t paled skin we didn’t even look different just the same features as humans, though we did have very sharp teeth and our eyes changed colour depending on our mood and the time of day. 35
36
My vampire clan were very close to the human nature, we had our human friends and went to normal schools. Our household is quite strange though, in our family my three cousins and I were immortal but our parents were mortal. It is quite strange actually but our parents and our history says that some chemical gene must’ve been past through our family with our birth though we are still clueless and not sure if that is the answer. We vampires also have very powerful talents that help us survive in the immortal world. 37
38
Cristian has the ability to manipulate energy, he’s ability comes best when we are fighting other immortals or while we are running he can create energy to make our speed faster. Merretta has a very powerful power she has a stronger ability out of all the immortal royals and clans in the country even stronger than the first and second family. She is able to turn clear or invisible in other words, though its only limited. While she’s running at full speed she intends to go invisible and when we fight other immortal clans or if we are in danger with the human species getting suspicious she can turn invisible so the human species can’t see her enough to gain suspicious. 39
40
My ability still today stuns me, I don’t know any other vampire out of the hundred’s I’ve met that has the same ability or even close. Well I can change the weather through my emotions, it is a strange talent, maybe because what immortal wants to change the weather over something like having a tantrum. My talent can also be very dangerous to the human world and species because if my mood or emotion is sad or deeply sorrow the weather can turn to a severe flood and torrential rain which can kill and alert the human species which we vampires don’t want to mess with. That is why I have to be alert of my mood and have to mostly control myself through hunting mode. Though my talent may be different I can run the fastest out of our clan and also other vampires, my speed is unconditionally fast creating a exhilarating feeling while running, let me tell you that the speed is so fast that I could run from my house to Atlanta in a day. 41
42
Again my other member of my clan Aveda has a very different talent aswell; his talent wasn’t very useful to him nor was it very powerful when fighting with other vampires. Aveda has the ability to make a couple of any sex of both the vampire and human species fall in love, it is very funny to watch and is useful when we are board or we could sometimes take the focus of other immortals by using Aveda’s power but that was about it. Every vampire in each clan have the power to communicate trough their minds it isn’t classed as reading minds because we cant read other clans minds only our own, it is very powerful when we need to schedule or communicate when we don’t want other vampires to know. 43
44
Markova, Cristian, Aveda and I were in the clearing facing down another male vampire clan that was at the least of age twenty. They looked very fearful their eyes hard ruby from hunting they wore no clothing except a cloth covering their below features all five of them stood frozen in place staring into our confused eyes. One of the male vampires that looked like the leader due to his expression took a step in front of all four of us.45
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In a very mature and high voice the man very professionally said “Good evening young ones may I ask why you four children are wondering the forest alone in a forest this huge and with very dangerous creatures hunting throughout the forest?”47
48
Oh yea I almost forgot, the immortal children vampires look very much like mortal children and are not as mature as elder vampires and sometimes need a lot of attention due to bad tempers and lack in concentration and hunting rules. The immortal children are very hard to explain because they are very rare and there are not a lot of them, about only two other clans in the country have immortal children in their clan. It leaves other immortals confused and curious if we are immortal or not and other immortals get very wary and conscious when we are around, who knows why? 49
50
All four of us crouched down low ready to pounce our lips curled back over our perfect teeth flashing the extremely sharp teeth that all of us had and growled very loudly the sound coming from deep in our throats. I sped off around the clearing in half a second showing off the ability of speed and grabbed one of the tall and strong males and threw him making him crash into the others in another second. Markova, Cristian and Aveda were all crouched down still growling while the males were shocked but also quite surprised.51
52
The other males watched in astonishment, all five of them looked confused and the leader slowly turned around bowing his torso while a brief smile flashed across his hard marble face. This male had huge fangs they couldn’t even be classed as sharp teeth. He looked strong which made me hope that I wouldn’t had to fight him in future.53
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“I am very sorry young ones you all look like little monsters personally but I must say you immortals and mortal children all look the same and leave us elders a bit confused. May you young ones follow us to the queens gates where our first family lays at the top of the hill so we can speak a bit more privately with our most powerful leaders, may you accept our invitation?” said the leader of the males very professional and slightly seductive.55
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I took a quick glance toward my other clan members finding that their faces were hard and focused with no sign of emotion on their faces.57
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I said through my mind do you accept? They seem very committed to our fair leaders, there is know hurt in accepting this invitation. You never know it might do us good.59
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Yes we shall accept but who knows what our dearest leaders are up too if this turns out in bad terms the blame is on you! It was Maddie answering through her mind.61
The other boys just stared at the males with focus, I just assumed that they were trying to figure them out or whether to use their powers or not.62
I said with a very “adultish” professional voice “Thank you it’s very considerate of you to invite us, we will accept but only on some terms. If things get out of hand we will have to deny your invitation”. 63
Queens Gates64
Both of our clans sped up to he top of the hill were the leaders of all the immortal clans called the first family’s castle laid. The first family was very powerful they ruled all the vampires just like the royals in England in the human society, but this royal family took all their power and leadership to heart their job was to keep watch of all the vampire clans in history, they made sure that no clan was outnumbered by their own and worst off all if it was they would be right at you threatening or over wise they would kill you with no excuses or last words. The first family was in charge and made sure all their blood slaves, sex slaves and most importantly kept watch over the human species making sure that no human would have a second look over us. 65
Author notes
This is a progect i have been working on for quite a while now. This novel is going to become something more and it hasnt yet showed its amin idea or potenciall concept so i will describe the main idea of what this novel is going to turn into/ be about.
This novel tells the story of a young girl named Sunday Mossicorn, she is depressed and is tryuing to find herself. What happens is that her friend Anna is gifted and she and other do not know this secret but it is Anna's job to hintto Suunday her own secret and past life beacuse what Sunday does not know yet is that she is the Godess of Healing and Anna is the godess of Strenth.
Keep in touch for regular updates of Sundays life story.
In a list
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A contest entry
- Trophy-LESS by MJs-Angel.
175 points, ended August 3, 12 entries
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180 points, ended July 28, 13 entries
Bronze trophy winner
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One day on this site a guy told me that i wasnt a good writter so if you can can u plz tell me if my story is good or ont because i need to know be honest!!
Comments
1 - 58 of 58
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Hey, firstly, thanks for being first to enter the contest. You should probably shorten the paraagraphs, though. It was a good story, too. Well done and good luck in the contest.
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Honestly, it wasn't my favourite story. It was definitely dragged out a little. I think you have a great plotline here, something that could be really amazing, but you just didn't capture my attention. I'd suggest shortening your paragraphs and thinking about your words more carefully.
Thanks for entering!
~ Lí-Lí
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i think i've read this before... or i think you've entered it twice and i just skimmed around last time. i like the beginning, but since it was more than just the first chapter ... i couldn't read it all taking into consideration that i do have about 30 more stories to read & comment; but please, if you wouldn't mind sending me a message with this url and letting me know to read it when i can.. because i really want to continue.
Thanks for entering,
-hilmer -
I thought it was well written and Sunday is a very well thought out character
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It was really good the only thing is there ae some spelling mistakes,and I noticed some run on sentences
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Great
love it. Your a good writer, tho I saw a few spelling mistakes. ^^ keep it up
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I made it to prologue , read all of it then a little into chapter 1 and then lost interest. you need to make paragraphs shorter. & neew more corrections on your punctuation. it's the key to what makes the story just flow.
i think you have a good shot at having this be a good story, you just need to edit.
But don't take my comment as in youre a bad writer. because you're not. you just need to work on it a bit, i think that's why everyone joined this site.
I will definitely keep you in mind for a finalist in the vampire stories contest.
thanks for entering both contest.
Good Luck
hilmer -
That was awesome!
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Hey
This is a story perfect for my taste. That guy was wrong you are a good writer, i just think you need to work on the layout abit. Other than that i thought it was great, let me know when you update. x
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lol cool!
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Btw try and use more comas and like the other guy. I only got to prologe. XD
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Omg!
Long!
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This is a pretty good story so far, but it's a bit cluttered for my tastes. There's too much. I only made it to "Prologue" before I couldn't read anymore. Maybe you should try breaking it into chapters instead of keeping it all rolled into one? That's just my opinion though.
As far as what I did read, the only suggestion I have is to maybe expand it a bit more. Add more of the senses to it.
Keep up the work on this story and if you break it into chapters let me know. I would like to read the whole thing, I just can't with it like this. I'm sorry.
Ruth
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Wow. I think it was great!! Good luck in the contest!!
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Wow, this is really good ^_^
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This was a good read, indeed. It was descriptive and very entertaining.
However, this exceeds the word limit. I apologize. D:
~Aqua
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That was sooo awesome ive been looking for storys like this on the site and I found it thanks so much for asking me to read it thank-you and yeah I can tell twilight was your inspiration but I think I like this better then Twilight and thats hard because I love Twilight
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Contest Entry
Ugh, I can't get over this! It's great!
I love the first paragraph
Life is difficult to understand. It is difficult to understand why we are here, what are we supposed to do here. what? Are we meant to just be born then grow up get a job have a family and then that’s all you do for the rest of your life till you die? Life’s is a challenge you can’t ask what you want in life nor can you choose particular things in your life, or how you want to live it.
Well done,
Dream ♥ -
um itz kinda twilight-ish and i dont like twilight at all,um i like originality so idk... it was good though pretty awesum
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your story is very good, and i like it a lot. i can see that twilight was your inspiration
i think that we have a lot in common, especially on the beggining of the story.
if it's not a problem i would be very thankful if you read my story. it's my first one, and nobody commented it so far...
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Absolutely brilliant!
It's very long and descriptive!
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Interesting concept, to say the least. Your description of what Sunday was going through was pretty much amazing.
However, a publisher might make you change Sunday's name simply because it's a word that might come up on your work. I like it though
You really need to work on run-on sentences because those were really distracting.
However, I liked it, and I dislike most vampire stories, so high five for that!
GC -
WoW! Awesome vampire story It reminds me of my two favorite series Twilight and Vampire academy! Great idea, thanx for entering good luck.
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wow that wasa really goood=] I <3 twilight so i luv reading about vampires=] I like how the vampires talents are so creative=] nicely done=]
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wait...
I forgot to answer you question.
It needs a bit of editing, but YES.
marvy marvy marvy.
publish this and I will buy it.beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 1, ending: 3, dialog: 4, characters: 4.
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Wow. When I saw that title I thought, "Oh no. This is just going to be another badly written story about teenagers"
I was so so so wrong.
This story took me in the moment I started reading. This is really good and my shock earns you three claps.
I hope you like them
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 1, ending: 3, dialog: 4, characters: 4.
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i really liked the beggining. it sounds kinda like my philoslophy in life (spelling!). so far, it might be good enough to publish, but it owuld depend on the rest. one chapter just isnt enough to make that call.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 4, dialog: 5, characters: 4.
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yes it's good enough to publish
this story is so riviting cant wait to read part 2.beginning: 3, language: 3, plot: 2, ending: 4, dialog: 4.
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Wow!
I loved it, definiately good enough 2 publish!!!
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Excellent
It will need editing and some rearanging but it is a good story.
I read that vampairs stay the age they are when they were tured, you might know about that part. Some good back ground is needed on each of the three young ones, do they have regular families, or do they wander alone? This is a good start I will finish it tomorrow.Don't let the mistakes over whelm you,the publishers will be even worse than the people on the site. I have one book published and almost had to rewrite it. But it was worth the trouble.
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good enough to publish I think its GREAT TO PUBLISH keep up the awsome work!
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wow i liked it alot really great detail keep on writing!
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I like the idea of Vampires having...what's the word...'superpowers'? hmm...I think I'll call them supernatural abilities. I like how vivid her nightmares are. It would be awesome if her nightmares came to life. You obviously put a lot of thought into this story. I can easily imagine this getting published. There were a few mistakes but, hey, everyone makes mistakes.
Good luck with getting it published You have my full support.
-Shanice xx
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omg i love it!!!! you envloved like... every fantesy character one should ever want in a story!!! omg i so loved it tho lol like... yeah omg is the only sentiment coming to mind haha
bravo!!!!1 *goes to read next story!!!!*
shawn
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Very Good!!
Very good story,intriguing! You did a great job, although I think you need to ckeck your grammar, punctuation, and stuff like that...
Continue on this path...you are on the right way!!! ;D
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this is really good! it obviously has a lot of thought behind it. good job i shall be reading all of them
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very good. i love it. keep up the good work!
sincerely,
(name censored by browser security) -
great
cool, keep writing!
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This is a great and interesting story. Very well written! You have some mistakes, but other than that I think this story is a very good one.
~Sunless Spirit -
well as others have said, you need to work on you spelling and other important stuff!
but don't let that get you down! you have a wonderful writing style (in my own thinking) and you should not let any bad comments on your work get to you
any how i am going to read the next bit i hope it is as good as this one!
keep writing and good luck!
Emily
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The idea is solid, but you need to back it up with sound spelling and structure. It's definitely intriguing, but at the same time, intimidating because of all of the bold, block paragraphs. You might want to fix that before you go through the editing process.
Best wishes,
Sarah
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Hi Cassandra.
You have written, as other people have said, a wonderful fantasy, involving vampires, and the strange man-it's all very surreal.
However,you need some editing work. like happy girl said.
Good luck,
Saffron
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With some hard work and a bit o'luck you may be able to publish. This needs work--especially with the spelling and structure as a whole. But you will get a good rating for originality and effort.
beginning: 5, language: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Wow...
This is an exstreamly good read, and write! I think it would be a wonderful thing to publish. I love the layout of it and the ery vivid details in it, Keep writting your absoultly wonderful at it!
~ Chelseybeginning: 4, language: 3, plot: 4, ending: 3, dialog: 4, characters: 4.
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its so good!! u have a great idea and a talent for this!! keep it up!! people would definetly buy this!!! it could be even greater than the harry potter saga!! and thats tha truth!!!
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thats a great story honey !!
i'm very proud of you keep it up , you are a very taltened young lady xxxxoo -
hey cassie. this is reeally good story.
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yes i think this is good enough to pubish
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Your writing really flows and i can definitley relate to the character in the story. Though i don't have depression, i'm actually quite optimistic, i could really understand her and you write true. The paragraphs are a bit blocky and i suggest you break them up to make them look less intimidating to the readers. I'm slightly confused about the two storylines, but that is probably because i don't know much about this story. I suggest you don't explain too much unnecessarily, the faster it flows the more it carries the reader along, a suggestion.
You could definitley publish this sort of work but i reckon you should trim it and make the points of the story clear, i wasn't exactly sure what the focus of the story is.
I have been really critical, but truthfully i really Loved your work, write more!
Good luck with publishing, Melissa
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 4, ending: 4, dialog: 4, characters: 5.
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what the story is about
This story is about a young depressed girl called sunday who finds a different way to live through her mind. Bu suddnely as time past by sunday discovers slowly on a talent she has. She can suddnely heal people but why? When on a party sunday meets a mysterious greek godess and suddnely her life and past history comes into place -
Good job
Well done, always like a good vampire story, its hard to find quality ones these days. Great job!
A nice dark twist to it all. -
TEARSTAR
IT WAS A VERY GOOD STORY AND I REALLY ENJOYED IT
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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omg this is really good! I could never write such a good story. I think it being so long gave it a nice effect. Your right, not many people know what depression feels like, and it was good how you described how she always had a hard time with life before she found out. I definitly think it's good enough to publish, it's definitly for older readers because of the choice of words you picked, and it was very syphisicated. Well done!!
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wow ur an amzing writer !!! is this all of the story??
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Not bad! ^_^ It may need some proofreading and editing but overall, the gist of the story is pretty cool.
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this is the start of an amazing book, i see potential and definatetly see it in becoming a popular published piece of work.....good job, u have an amazing talen
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good story, could do with an edit and make the paragraphs smalletr, but other then that i really enjoyed it, well done
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hey guys thank you for reading my story though this is just the start of it and i am still worlking on it to get it finished. I would really appreciate it if you's comment on my story really dtailed and ell me what i need to improve my goal is to get it published.
thank you again
cassandra
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