For the Bible Tells Me So: A compilation of thoughts

Tonight, Wednesday, April 29, 2009, I attended an IMPACT-facilitated event to see the movie For the Bible Tells Me So. The event consisted of the movie and an open discussion afterward that was led by Reverend Mike Obinger from Community of Christ, a church in Whitewater. The panel consisted of three members of IMPACT; one being a bisexual Jewish female, one being a male straight ally, and the last being a lesbian Christian female; one member of PSSO, the Pagan society on campus; this member being a mother of four children, two of who are gay, along with herself; and three members of Campus Crusade for Christ; one being female and the other two male, one admitting to having been gay but through Christ’s callings has changed.1

The movie in itself is a very moving piece of documentary that I believe all backgrounds should witness. For the Bible Tells Me So is a documentary film that revolves around five very Christian families and how they deal with one of their children being a homosexual. Some of the examples giving are well-known families that have been on the news and others are examples of families that were never really pressed in front of the lime light until this film. The five families each had their own stories and their own endings, some rather happy endings and others on the opposite end of the spectrum. Bishop Gene Robinson, Tonia Poteat, Jake Reitan, Chrissy Gephardt and Ana Wallner were the sons and daughters that the film revolved around.2

Bishop Gene Robinson’s story is a very interesting one. He had grown up in a very strong religious family and still embraces that Christianity. Ever since he was a little boy, he knew he wanted to be a part of the church. It’s something he wanted to let himself grow into. He eventually married a woman and they had exchanged vows and had two children of their own. Throughout the marriage, Robinson was realizing that he truly loved his wife, but he was not passionate in his love as a heterosexual man would be. He ended up divorcing his wife, but still remains friends with her and could not imagine his life without his two children. He has also found a man that he now celebrates his life with. Robinson’s parents were not accepting to begin with, but now believe that Robinson is born for this reason and God gave him this purpose in life. Robinson, however, is probably most well-known for being the first openly gay ordained bishop. This is a very large step for the GLBT community and the struggle between it and the church. As could be believed, this was not taken too kindly by many people -- Robinson even had to wear bulletproof vest beneath his clothing even after being ordained. He received many death threats, one even saying that the instigator had two bullets: one for Robinson, and the other for his significant other.3

Tonia Poteat’s story is a rather diverse one. Poteat is an African-American lesbian that grew up in a small town with a religious family. She attended Yale, where she met her female partner. When Poteat came out to her parents, they were not very accepting. Even though Poteat had a rather strong relationship with her parents previously, they now seemed to walk on eggshells. As time had passed, her mother started accepting her again for who she is and will accept Poteat’s partner as a good friend. Poteat’s mother still does not accept her partner as just that -- a partner, but her mother still follows her religious background in how she accepts her daughter’s homosexuality.4

Jake Reitan is quite possibly one of the more hopeful cases of youths in this film. His coming out process started really hard, but his parents and siblings ended up becoming rather supportive of him. Reitan is the youngest of four with two brothers and a sister. He comes from a rather strong Lutheran family. When Reitan started coming out and had told his parents, they went to their pastor. Their pastor told Reitan’s parents that he could change, but through time, his parents came to accept him and his homosexual orientation. His parent’s main fear for him was that of his safety. Between Reitan’s classmates chalking “FAG” into the end of their driveway, a brick being thrown through the window of his father’s business, and Reitan’s vehicle being vandalized, Reitan’s parents knew that this was something that needed to change. After these events, Reitan, along with his family, became activists and were arrested in a nonviolent protest of Focus on the Family, an organization started by radio personality James Dobson, who spoke out against homosexuality.5

Chrissy Gephardt’s story would have to be the most accepting of the five families. Gephardt was raised in a very religious family and learned two things: homosexuality is a sin and suicide is a sin. Following this, Gephardt married and lived with a man who she found she loved more as a friend. Gephardt and this partner had been really good friends and she just happened to see this as the next step in their relationship. Within one of Gephardt’s friendships with a woman who confessed to Gephardt that she loved both men and women, Gephardt realized why she didn’t love her then partner as she probably should have. She told him shortly after that she is gay and they ended up divorcing. She told her parents and they were more than accepting. However, Gephardt’s father is a political figurehead, which led her to be in the spotlight of the nation. Her father respected her greatly by making sure she was okay with coming out to the nation and let her know that he will gladly step back from his campaign if the publicity ever made her uncomfortable. Gephardt embraced the opportunity and became a large asset to her father’s campaign.6

Ana Wallner’s story is perhaps the most tragic and saddest of the five family’s. Wallner came out to her mother through letter after being rather distant with her. Her mother responded in the same way, except her letter stated that she hated that her daughter was a lesbian and put her strong faith before her good judgment and sent the letter to her daughter, signing “love, mom” at the end. After a period of not talking to each other, Wallner’s mother contacted her asking her what she had done wrong. Wallner’s responded to her mother that her non-accepting ways damaged her. Wallner ended up taking her life shortly after, hanging herself. She had been hanging for at least 15 hours before she had been found. The tragic suicide of her daughter led Wallner’s mother to reevaluate her faith and life. Wallner’s mother is now an activist for GLBT rights.7

For the Bible So does a very good job at portraying these families and the hatred and love set up on them for their differences. The families each have their unique story, whether they end tragically or positively and each story shows how everyone’s viewpoints differ. The movie also gets the views of several other important figures rather than the family’s themselves. These well-known icons include Bishop Desmond Tutu, Harvard’s Peter Gomes, Orthodox Rabbi Steve Greenberg and Reverend Jimmy Creech. Both the families and the opinions and voices of the others walk a fine line between sexual orientation and faith identity.8

I would be a liar if I stated that I never cried during any portion of this movie. The times when this movie hit me the hardest would have to be the moments when the family started talking about the acceptance of their son or daughter. These moments hit me even harder than the protesters that were shown with signs of hate and words of anger. Even watching the families that were more accepting left me in tears. The main reason is because I put myself in their positions. I placed myself in the shoes of the homosexual child in each of the families and thought of how my parents would react in such a situation. I love both of my parents very much, and I know that they love me as their daughter, but I do not know for sure how accepting they are of other sexual orientations apart from heterosexual.9

I love my mother very much and I know that she loves me just as much back. Unfortunately, I cannot help but think that she will allow her faith to get in the way of her love. I was born, baptized and raised into a Catholic family. I attended church weekly from the moment I was baptized until sometime in high school. I had been confirmed into the church and I helped out with volunteering in church functions and attended religious education classes all through grade school and middle school. My mother is very strong in her faith and volunteers for our church and has been teaching religious education courses for as long as I can remember. She attends church regularly and is a part of the church just as much as her parents are. I already know that she has expressed that she disagrees with the homosexual “lifestyle” but she also states that she strongly believes in the saying, “hate the sin, love the sinner” and says she lives by this. She has already confessed that she would not want one of her children to be homosexual. I know that even with saying this, she would still love all of her children unconditionally. Being the religious woman she is, however, I know that coming out to her will bring up much controversy. I don’t know if she would go as far as to wave the Bible before me and read verses, but she would definitely state that it is in her religion to disagree with homosexuality. Even though I know she would still love me, I would be greatly hurt by her choosing her religion over her own daughter in what she loves more. I’ve lately grown away from my religious beliefs but not because of me coming into terms with my sexuality. I’ve just been force-fed religious propaganda my entire life and I finally want to grow my own legs and discover my own spiritual beliefs for myself and what I believe is true. I also know that my mother will tell me that she loves me and that the only thing she asks of me would be to not leave God behind. I would hate to break my mother’s heart, but my orientation is not the reason I am leaving my childhood religion behind. I just want to discover for myself the wonders of the world and how I believe they had gotten there. I’m lucky, however, that I am so close to my mother. I believe that she would take my sexual orientation much better than my father.10

My father, on the other hand is not as religious as my mother. He is what I would like to call a “C&E” Christian. The type of person that only attends church on Christmas and Easter (and trust me, he does it only because he is forced). Even so, with very little faith behind him, I still see him as less accepting than my mother. To be quite honest, my father frightens me. I do not really want to ever find out what my father thinks of his only daughter not being straight. He is quite possibly the most bigoted member of our family. He is racist, sexist and heterosexist. There is one night that always comes to my mind whenever I think of how my father would react if I ever came out to him. We were in the living room watching some sort of late night talk show and one of the guests that was on (I do not remember who) had a bit of a feminine disposition. It was rather clear that this man was most likely homosexual, but I wasn’t going to say anything about it until my father made a comment about how “faggy” he was. I simply asked my father in a kind tone to not call him that. My father’s response was something similar to: “Why? He’s a fag.” This comment seeded a rather one-sided argument where my father expressed to me that homosexuality is very unnatural and that all gays should burn in hell for their disgusting, perverted ways. When I finally spoke, I attempted standing up for the GLBT community, but my father just went off about how we do not allow people to commit sexual acts among animals, so why should we allow this between two men or two women? He clearly expressed his disgust and distaste for homosexuals. At this moment in my life, I had just been coming out to myself and discovering my sexual orientation. I cannot even express in words how shredded and torn apart I felt on the inside. I don’t think my father realizes how much respect I lost in him that night. It will take a lot for my father to gain that back. The hardest step will be to make him realize just how much he demeaned who I am that night. It’s one thing to have a conversation with someone and it’s another to preach to them. It’s one thing to both know who you are and what you stand for and another to have one person unknowingly preach hatred towards another person. I really do not think my father will ever fully understand what he had done that night.11

With this all in mind, I do not know how I could ever come out to my parents. I know not to really expect such openness such as Gephardt had. I also know that I will not be confronted with as much hatred (at least not from my mother) as Wallner had been. I already know that my parents will not be gallivanting off to PFLAG or becoming activists in my name as Reitan’s parents had. I see my parents (or at least my mother) falling more in the lines of the parents of Robinson or Poteat. If my mother ends up accepting me, I know she will do it quietly and almost ignorantly. My father, who I have less hopes for, I just wish could find it in his heart to accept his daughter no matter who it is she chooses to love.12

The audience of the movie consisted of students from all backgrounds, ethnicity and religions. Students showed up from Campus Crusade for Christ (Cru), Pagan Spiritual Student Organization (PSSO), our campus’ GLBT organization (IMPACT), a few members of Faithful Soldier’s School of Evangelism, and other students that are supporters or had heard wind of the movie through the great efforts of advertising by IMPACT, the movie’s sponsor. Just as the audience was composed of different people of different backgrounds, so was the panel.13

Many questions arose throughout the hour-and-a-half long discussion. People’s opinions were given and received. Some of the questions and thoughts thrown out there I very much agreed with, but others I felt rather disrespected by. Just as I felt torn down by my father’s comments, I was also torn down by one of the Faithful Soldier’s questions on how we can possibly accept homosexuality as a desire without accepting bestiality, adultery, and pedophilia as well. I felt hurt that another human being could possibly compare real, strong and passionate love with that of non consensual and disloyal love. Homosexuality is not taking advantage of a being that cannot speak for themselves and consent to an act. Homosexuality is not having sexual relations with another than your life partner. Homosexuality is not having intercourse with another person that is too young to understand and conceive the idea of what love really is. This man also stated that homosexuality is a desire that should be suppressed just as pedophilia should be. When asked why he shouldn’t be the one that should suppress his feelings to his wife that he had talked about, he responded with something along the lines that his desires towards his wife are okay by the word of God and are right.14

The students in the panel, however, were much more lighthearted in discussion and a bit less hurtful. The first three students I would like to talk about are part of IMPACT. The next panelist I would like to talk about is the member of PSSO, and then the members of Cru afterward.15

The first panelist I had spoken of really expressed her differences in being a part of a Jewish family. She stated that she was never brought up on whether homosexuality is right or whether it is wrong. It wasn’t until high school that she came across hatred towards homosexuals. Being bisexual herself, she knows what it can be like. However, her family accepts her and does not use their religion against her and who she is.16

The second panelist did not talk so much on his family or faith. He spoke more on how the world progresses. As a straight ally, he really congratulated the world on the fact that a discussion such as tonight’s could have taken place. This panelist gave his opinions on how the GLBT community and its allies can build a bridge with those that are not allies to connect. He spoke of agreeing to disagree on some aspects just to move on in some areas.17

The third panelist is one of IMPACT’s bigger assets of past and story line. She was born and raised with Christian beliefs and was at one point almost homophobic herself until she started coming into realization of who she is. Her father even suggested she try a conversion therapy of sorts. She attended this therapy for three months but immediately knew it lacked in truth to herself. She stopped attending this therapy and lives out her life as a lesbian. I’m not positive if she follows her faith as much as she used to, but I do not believe that she has completely left it behind.18

The fourth panelist is a member of PSSO. I believe the movie touched her in a way it hadn’t touched any of the other panelists. This panelist has four children, two of who came out to her as homosexual just over spring break. She cannot even imagine what it would be like to shun her own children the ways that some of the parents had in the film. She could not even consider the thought of losing one of her children to ignorance as Wallner had taken her life. This member also brought her faith into conversation and spoke about how Pagan beliefs don’t really direct in how it’s followers should lead their lives, but just that they do it with love.19

The fifth panelist stated one of the best things I’ve heard from a religious student in my lifetime. The first thing he did as a panelist was apologize for the hatred homosexuals have to live through because of some of the lies and slander those around us sling towards us. Another point that he had made several times is that he didn’t realize homosexuality had been shown as some “super sin” and stated that he believed homosexuality is a sin just as any other sin is. He believes that all people are born sinners and that he loves everyone equally regardless of sin. He clarifies that no sin is greater than another. He believes that homosexuality is just as much as a sin as a lie. Even though I disagree with him, I respect his opinion and his faith and give him a round of applause for bringing to light that homosexuality is no more of an abomination than any other sin.20

The six panelist really did not have as much to say. She also echoed the apology that fifth panelist stated. She expressed her faith as well as though homosexuality is a sin that should be no greater than any other sin. Her voice was unfortunately more passive than the rest and nothing extraordinary stands out.21

The seventh panelist was probably one of the most surprising. He confessed for the first time to most of the people in that room (including his fellow Cru members) that he had been gay. He also expressed that God spoke to his heart and through his belief in Him, he was more or less saved.22

I respect the opinions of everyone that showed up in that auditorium tonight (however, some more than others). I know that everyone has their own beliefs. Some of these beliefs and opinions I agree with, while some I do not. I do believe, however, that this open discussion in itself is a huge step in a right direction. Not even five years ago, this panel would never have even been dreamt of. No one would have thought that a group of GLBT members and its allies along with a Christian and Pagan organization could meet under one common area and converse civilly with each other. For this, I congratulate everyone who participated for being mature and civilized in the discussion.