Dear Diary 5

December 30th 20051

Dear Diary,2

This entry is not like any other i have ever entered before, instead of my usual entries of passionate nights with my lovers this is about one night that i will never forget.3

The night i was beaten and raped by someone i love more than i thought i could love. Here is what happened.4

I woke up with his breath warm on my neck, his soft blonde hair was brushing against my cheek as he snuggled closer to my body. I watched him for some time listening to his breath and feeling his strong arms wrapped around me. I never thought this would come true i had longed for him for so long now, fantasized about this moment for so long it didn't seen real, but it was.5

"Good morning gorgeous" He said as he opened his eyes and hugged me tightly.6

"Hey, last night was......." I couldn't think of a word to describe what felt like the stars, moons and planets all exploding in my body.7

"Yeah i know" He smiled the smile that had won me over from the moment we met as he swung his legs over the bed and pulled on his trousers "I'm going to get you some breakfast so stay right there" he walked out of the room and his footsteps disappeared down the hall.8

I sat in the bed warm and content, my body seemed to be purring in unison with my heartbeat as i layed back into the soft fluffy pillows. In my mind i was replaying the nights events, i remembered in flashes and feelings. The way he picked me up and layed me on the bed kissing me so softly, then as he entered me gently worrying to hurt me assuming i was a virgin still. Then as his body slid smoothly up against mine his penis sliding in and out teasing me beyond all boundaries. Then as he came inside me filling my body with a hot sensation of pleasure, i moaned in time with him and we held each other as he whispered in my ear "I'll never let you go, now that i have you" 9

Huh i guess i should have been able to tell right then what he was really like, as soon as i heard those possessive words it should have been ended. I thought he was sweet and i truly loved him more than i had loved anyone before, he made me trust him, made me want him. I'll move on, we where meeting at the shopping centre he said he wanted to take me out and show me off, so i waited by the side of the centre near the loading bays.10

"Hey excuse me miss" a tall man walked over from the loading bays and called out to me.11

"Can i help you?" I asked12

"Yeah do you have the time? I left my watch at home as usual" He laughed I laughed gently as well knowing that i do the same thing and checked my watch.13

"Ten past eight" I said pulling my jacket sleeve back down over my wrist and smiling at him as he thanked me and went to go back to work.14

"Hey what are you doing?" Right there i should have left him i had so many signals telling me to leave but i was blind and ignorant.15

"Sorry are you talking to me mate?" The Truck driver asked him.16

"Yeah what do you think your doing to my girl" He said stepping between us and pushing the worker.17

"Nothing mate i was just asking for the time, that's all" He said18

"Oh yeah really, you think it's good to hit on other guys girls?" He asked as i witnessed the jealousy well inside him.19

"Look I'm sorry mate i just wanted the time, but if your so worried about people talking to her then maybe you should keep her locked inside" The worker was not impressed and i was shocked and i thought what he was doing was heroic, i had never had someone care about me enough to do anything like this, i was so stupid.20

He leapt forward and punched the worker in the face, the man retaliated and hit him back, i pushed myself between them and yelled for them to stop it. Eventually my so called saviour stopped and stormed into the small alley to the left of us. I apologised to the worker and ran after him, i didn't reach him until he was at the end of the alley and in almost complete darkness.21

"Why did you do that?" I asked him my voice as angry as i dared speak, he grabbed me face and looked into my eyes.22

"You'll never leave me will you" he said through clenched teeth23

"No, never" I said, the trembling in my body increasing with each passing second.24

He forced his lips against mine and kissed me roughly, i kissed him back scared of the look that was in his eyes. He moved his hands from my face to my arms and firmly pushed me against the wall behind us positioning his body so he could keep me pinned while he removed my top.25

"Wait no, wait" I tried to say as he kissed me rougher each time, he stopped and looked at me with rage in his eyes. He kissed me once more seemingly not hearing my plea's to stop, i tried to force him off myself and talk to him but he pushed me harder against the stone wall.26

"Stop, please" I asked tears welling up in my eyes as he stepped back and once again looked at me, this time he didn't just kiss me he tore my bra down and began trying to unzip my pants.27

"Please stop, please, not here, please" I begged with him attempting to push him away.28

"So what you meet one guy and suddenly I'm not good enough. I was good enough last night. This is what you wanted you stupid whore, i see you watching me walking around in those tiny tops. Taunting me making me want you more" He said slapping me to the harsh floor.29

He knelt down beside me and began pulling off my pants, as my body quaked and trembled. He removed my pants and began to unzip his as i rolled away and tried to run, but his arms reached out and pulled me back to the concrete floor i felt my arm brake as i landed scratching my head. My head was throbbing as well as my arm and i couldn't concentrate, but i was brought back to reality as i felt his fist pound into my face over and over again. I closed my eyes and whimpered as i felt him force himself into me, this was not like before his body slammed into mine and i felt my muscles tense and the pain wave over me like a tidal wave. 30

"Please stop" I croaked through the blood filling my mouth, this only resulted in his fist and hips pounding me harder. For what seemed like a lifetime i lay feeling my body go through stages of intense pain then to numb coldness. Finally he came inside of me this time instead of filling me with warm pleasure it felt as though i was being filled with fire burning into my soul dissolving my heart and mind.31

He rolled off of me and and pulled his clothes back on, i couldn't feel or sense anything anymore but i did hear one thing before i passed out as he learnt down and whispered into my ear "I'll never let you go." 32

I woke up 3 days later in the hospital not quite sure of what had happened only  a feeling that i was betrayed and a sense that i would never love again. When the police came in to speak to me they told me they had caught him and if i testified he would go to jail for at least 25 years. I did and he was convicted for Rape, Attempted murder, GBH and Statutory Rape he is now serving life imprisonment.33

Well that's what happened, i don't know if i can ever trust anyone again but the experience has left me empty.34