Worst. Batman. Ever.

A rogue by nature,
And a ninja by night,
Don't matter the villain,
He'll do what is right! 1

Or...ya know...
Just talk about his reasons.
What gives him the right,
To fight all the legions
That do all their wrong
In the throng of his treason! 2

[Cue wrist to forehead, and spotlight!] 3

"O', sayeth I woe
For the deed hath bestowed
Upon me,
The only
One that truly matters. 4

Mine papa and mama
Have been slain, ooh-la-la,
And for this,
I insist,
Turn to me for I deserve flattery. 5

O', but begone!
Ye, who not be a swan!
Such vile,
Such bile,
Thy veritable villain be stealing my spotlight. 6

I am to be
Drowned in my misery,
But by gov',
I need love,
So give me pity so that I may delight. 7

My body so hot,
Don't dare say it's not,
For I may,
Soon today,
Gather my League and leave as they follow attack. 8

Yes, my cheerleaders!
Strangle the Heathens!
For they
Scantly obey
My efforts to keep self-esteem intact. 9

Now, do all without,
As I drug to pass out.
For while I,
Hospitalized,
Abandon friends to chat on StoryWrite." 10

Alas, my good friends,
This is the story of Batman.
Though, this version condemns,
It is a version seen often,11

Which is why I draw attention
To the worst. Batman. Ever.
A Batman with dramatic fixation
On himself and the looks of others.12

Disregarding the common abundance
Of judgments made to those who complain,
Disregarding ad nauseam redundance
When he compares himself to all that feel pain.13

He is a douche and a cripple.
A sophomoric satire of vain.
He swoops in to kill giggles
And reign judgment supreme.14

He wears not spandex,
Nor the underwear.
But he does sport a gown,
Underneath, nothing but air.15

“Overprotective, what’s this,
Your parents doth be?!
I’ve none to be strict
And spank my hiney!16

Your father molests?
Can you really complain?
He feeds, he gives roof,
Thou deserves not to be saved.17

Oh, hush now to all!
I’ve no parents to admire!
You doth moan and you groan,
When I’d give mine left nut
For my father to tickle mine spire!18

Now that will be all!
Be grateful, silence your gruff!
Look at me, I’m sopretty,
Tell me you think I’m sexy. ”19

For while he may seem
To have a big head.
The fact of the matter
Is that, inside, he is dead.20

Dead. Dead. Dead as can be.
With no twinkle of family.
Dead. Dead. Dead as can be.
Thank the Heavens, so’s the family.21

For if they were to see
What their birth came to be,
They would cry, they would cry,
Until we’d no longer breathe.22

So, beware, I dare warn!
Woosh! He’ll swoosh into the chat!
And with a bam and krack,
He’ll fight off the fun that we had!23

What were they thinking,
When they brought this man in?
They formed Justice League
With a bunch of children…24

Seriously. My God.
Most dramatic Batman ever.
I think this ran too long and
Bled, rambling, into ether.25

Oh well.