Prologue1
Amy and Jake live in two different worlds but they both have something in common,They can't sleep.When they do they have terrible nightmares, both of them have had a traumatic experience when they were kids.....2
Apov{Amy's point of view}3
I shivered as all the teenagers started dancing in the crowded smoky space.Jessie waved at me frowm the front of the crowd and smiled brightly,I tried to smiled back but it came out mangled,I could feel it on my tired face.4
A boy sat next to my but I slid away and ducked my head.I pulled my black hood up and closed my eyes tightly shut.The music blared making my head pound.I stood up and gasped as I felt Mike grab my wrist tightly.His breath stunk of bear and his blue eyes were hazy..Totally drunk.5
I pushed him away as he tried to hug me.He laughed and came even closer.I pushed him away and ran,The house was crowded and dark so i ran up the staircase.I shook as Mike followed me, I took a lucky pick and hoped the room was empty.6
I slammed the door shut behind me and locked it.I turned around slowly and gasped as i saw Jake sitting there..He is a troublemaker at school and constantly getting into fights.His brown hair shone in the dim light of his room.His dark brown eyes glared up at me, I started to shake once more.....7
Jpov{Jake's point of view}8
The music blared and pounded from the livingroom.My mate Paul had organised a party at my house without my permission..My parents were away out on a short break..Great!. 9
Paul was planning parties ever night until they got home,I looked up suprised as my door slammed and someone gasped.There stood a small,pale beautiful girl standing shaking heavily at my door.10
She wore baggy jeans and a black hoodie..The hood was up covering her hair and face slightly.I glared up at her and slammed my sketchbook closed.I really didn't like anybody in my room,The girl who I faintly noticed as Amy..She was one of the freaky ones at school.She looked even more tired than me....?!?!?!11
A contest entry
- ANYTHING GOES! LETS SEE HOW MANY ENTRIES WE CAN GET!!! by Marisalyn13.
100 points, ended November 15, 117 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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Hey not bad
Ive been reading most of your stories and they all flow together niicely. They make me wanna read them over and over agaiin. II can see that you have a natural talent for wriitiing storiies so keep on wriitiing them to nurture that talent of yours and wriite as best as you can. Well done XD
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nice prolouge. I could clearly see everything you were describing.
It did its job wonderfully as far as prolouges go. it made me want to read on! great work.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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nice story
im gonna read all the chapters now..hehe -
Can't wait for chapter 1!
~Bring Me To Life~ -
i like this story im going to have to read the rest!! you have my attention!!
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Okay, your stories are simply amazingly catching! You've always got a great plot on hand and a nice flow of a story too!
Good job,
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Oh wow, another great write, I am geting addicted to your storys xP
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Okay I noticed a few grammar errors, and they are things that spell check won't notice because the words are spelled correctly. lol I hate those things. I won't point them out at the moment, because I'm assuming you are still working on the chapter. However, if you would like me to tell you where they are I'd be glad to.
Anyways, So far the chapter has a good start. I could clearly picture everything that you described to me. Also your characters were very believable; they seemed like real teenagers. I am interested in seeing where you take this story, and I wish you good luck with finishing it. Keep up the good work!
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Thanks
Thanks for the help problems will be fixed ASP! -
Ok, so I've found a few grammar errors.
On part 2, I think that you should have spelled two rather than the number. And an apostrophe is needed in can't. and I think that only one period is needed.
I've seen several uncapitalized I's on part 4 and 6, so better take note of that.
Hope this helps =)
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