Dear Diary,1
You are so beautiful, my brother bought you for me. I just love your red cover with the little jewl heart on it. I'm going to right in you every day!2
I should probably tell you a little about me, I am a 14 year old girl. I got my period about a year ago and have good sized boobs. I thought men liked that? I have long brown hair that never seems to stay combed for long. My dad is an awful man, some nights her comes to me at night and we play games, I dont like them and he wont stop! He says I am supposed to do this, but I dont know. I can here him coming down the hall I got to go, I love you.3
Sally
Author notes
his is a diary of a young girl who gets sexually assualted and looks to suicide as a way out. This is from her prospective and please no that in these paragraphs I explain how suicide is good and right but its NOT it is never an answer, if you or someone you know has thought of suicide seek help immidiatly!
Hmm so this is going to be a novel and this is the first bit, what do you think?
Comments
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This is a good idea. To chronicle a girls life and abuses through journal form. It's tricky though. It's tricky because when you write in journal form you want to be both realistic about what a person would write and at the same time you want to explain a situation. It's hard to balance out the two. So far your entrance is good. I think that you should try another trial version of this piece, and see what it's like if you add more to the first paragraph regarding Sally's diary, the circumstances of why her brother bought it. And settle into what it looks like, try not to use so many adverbs like 'just'. See what happens when you omit the adverb Just and the adjective little.
For the second paragraph see what happens when you go into more details about the games. And what's going on.
Compare and contrast and see which versions you like better, what can stay and what can go!
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