"But Granny, but Granny, I don't understand". 1
"The house is of such beauty and the children are playing with happiness". 2
"The footprints led me to her and she was still crying when I left".3
"My child of dearness" Granny spoke clearly. 4
"The girl of such youngness always presents her footprints when she senses a passerby. She tiptoes through the garden and runs back to the river; where she lies in eternity. 5
She is of a spirit, one that has not been captured, to peacefully lie in grace". 6
The children that frolic, behind the panes; you pondered and peeked, have been locked within that house of haunt, since the day Mary fell into retreat. 7
If you continue to visit the house, they will lure your senses as Mary has locked them in. However, you my dear, are by no means secure from being locked out!8
"Sit down young child, I have a story to tell you quickly, but you must listen with great intent". 9
Young Mary was always jealous of what other children had. She lived within a home, that shed darkness of the night, while the sun shone high at noontime. All of the children from the village were invited to attend the parties, of extravagence that the house held within. She was plain and her skin of whiteness gauze. Her skirts were of grey and her blouses were of black, always, except on the occasion of invitations being counted.10
We could often see her, in the window, from the third story where she spent her days as the ballroom was sealed from her presence. She would follow our wandering; with her eyes that held a slateness.11
The day of the party, my love of such sweet, Mary took her revenge. A revenge that she had sought for several years; minus her own youngness. She slid out the front door that you describe with such beauty; as the butler turned his eye. 12
I had seen her as no one else. I followed her throughout the garden that walked to the river. She glanced back, just once, she waded through the water. I never tried to stop her. I thought she was just going to be like the other children, swimming through the river, just once. 13
She went under the water three times. Each time, it seemed longer and longer. She went the third time and never did she breath another breath.14
She sought and retained her revenge. The other children are locked within; the house of haunt, forever. She thought she was free. However, she did not capture all of the revenge she had sought. 15
"I still breathe, outside of the window pane". 16
Author notes
Well, it was a shot. GOOD LUCK EVERYONE
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
-
It's still a poem. It may not look like one, but when you read it you're mind just screams, "POEM!" I don't know... maybe you should play with it a bit.
-
I understand what a struggle it is to convert from poetry form to story type. Really thought this was an intensely wonderful story of suspense. Love this line 'She was plain and her skin of whiteness gauze.' and your last. Consider working some more on this to lengthen it into a longer version of a short story. Explain more why Mary hated the kids so much, perhaps. Was she brought to this by tragedy through family, schoolmates? It was a really wonderful read.
-
That's fine, thank you
Much better.
~*Meri ♣ -
Not a problem.........Just hard converting from poetry to story........
Leance -
This was beautiful. I loved it. Except for the fact that it was hard to read, because it didn't have speech marks. Could you try and edit that for me? If you do, you'll get a better chance of winning.
Thank you, and once again; lovely write.
~*Meri ♣
1 - 5 of 5



