So my brother checks out an ice rink on the Gold Coast to see what it’s like, and he comes back and says it’s the scariest place he’s ever been. So, Daniel and I have to check it out, of course. So we potter down with the rest of this site’s members and check it out. I have to say, it was the most fun I had all day. It was the only thing of interest I did that day, but still.
For anyone who goes to said rink (of which the name of will be hidden) please stop here.
For those who wish to know more, and have a laugh, read on…
Pros and Cons of the ice rink.
Pros:
- It was hilariously fun - for a once only experience.
- I you want an experience, it was well worth the $13 ($15 for skate hire) for the two hours of laughs.
- I could kick up a good 2 metre spray from the water puddles.
Cons:
- It was warm, so warm I could have skated in the nude and worked up a sweat.
- The ice had so much water on the top it almost had it’s own tidal system.
- It had more waves on the ice than the ocean did.
- The ice was brown. Like, recycled water brown. Or some kid didn’t make it to the bathroom in time. Or old blood ’cause the owner is some form of old Mafia devil worshipper and sacrificed victims on the ice to appease the demons of mediocrity.
- The freezing grills (which you could see through the ice it was so thin) had mould frozen on some of them.
- If the waves weren’t bad enough, there was the chasms. That is to say, the gullies along the ice floor with with water running through them.
- The seats were cramped, had hardly any room to even tie ones skates on, let alone navigate with skates on.
- It was dimly lit (see above theory about devil worship).
- The music was poorly chosen, and quiet. So you couldn’t even be deafened from the loud, blaring beatz of badness.
- They only played one game, and that was limbo. Their music chosen for that was, however, epic. The official limbo theme!
- The guy driving the Zamboni (machine for resurfacing the ice) was a bit of a hoon. He was taking it around the corners on two wheels and doing power slides down the centre. It’s no wonder the ice is in such poor condition. When it first drove out we noticed several dents in the front, we found out exactly why they were there when he ran into the wall while ‘parking’ it.
- When we left the rink there was water flowing down the car park and onto the road. We can only assume this was from the tidal waves caused by the hooning Zamboni driver. Who, incidentally, had an amazing stack while skating in the mental rentals himself, earlier. He was skating (for want of a better word… stumbling?) along, and, for reasons unknown, face plants himself in a nice big puddle of water. One assumes he didn’t jump a gully in time. He then proceeded to slide along with the utmost grace for a good 10 metres before slamming into a girls back, almost knocking her over, expect he was holding her so she didn’t fall (unsure whether this was a planed incident to run into a pretty girl or an accident).
- There was no Gothic chick behind the counter to flirt with.
- If we went a speed slightly faster than walking we got told to slow down. One can only assume the owner was jealous and afraid he wouldn’t be able to catch us if he decided to use us as his next sacrificial offering.
And that, folks, is it. I think. There were so many classic moments that I’m unsure whether I got them all. I hope so, those are some of the bigger highlights at any rate.
Bronze trophy winner
Adding your comment:
I was laughing when I read over the whole owner-chasing-people-over-brown-rink bit. XDD
