Just One Lie

     Introduction: David Shaud was never quite the student to fit in. He had sixteen years on this earth and had blonde & shaggy, sideswept hair that nearly overlapped his icy blue, grey rimmed eyes. His shoes,usually Converses or Vans, tended to drag across the floor, and his back would very slightly slouch when he walked, but a huge smile would always be on his face. He would always be so happy to be out of the house, it was torture. The constant ridicule and high expectations from his graduated brother and stressed out father usually was what drove him out of his so called 'home'. He couldnt move out, there was no other family he knew about and his mother...She had moved to Europe when he was five and hes never heard from her since besides the occasional birthday letters and christmas cards, and thats when she wasnt busy. In school, he was popular, everyone knew him, but popular isn't always a good thing. The rumors that his brother had spread about David had ruined his reputation in high school before it even got a chance to start. Why didn't he fit in? Simple. He had no stereotype to fit into. His wardrobe was filled with American Eagle and Hot Topic. Band Ts and polos. His friends varied as well. He had a few from the jocks, cheerleaders, the otherwise friendless, and so on. He really was a rad kid.   1

Just One Lie: 2

     One day he came to school with a bruise on his arm. "Nothing happened", he assured them. He just ran into an air hockey table at youth group. 'Just one lie. No big deal' . He thought to himself every time he told the story. 3

    One day he came to school with a black eye. "Nothing happened" he assured them. He just had roughhoused with his brother the other night. He didn't mean it. 'If only that were true...' He thought to himself everytime he told the story. 4

     One day he came to school with a broken leg and a burnt wrist. "Nothing happened" , he assured them. He just got a little banged up skateboarding after school and spilled coffee that morning. 'What did I do?' He thought to himself every time he told the story. One day he never showed up. "Nothing happened" his father assured them. He just had to go to the hospital. 'My son better not snitch' he thought to himself every time he told the story.

One day David's girlfriend, Francesca, got a call after school. She was told everything that happened. He had been verbally and physically abused for a few years now and his body was so weak, he finally couldn't take it anymore. 'Why didn't he tell me?' She thought to herself every time the story crossed her mind. She loved him so much, he was her world, and now he was gone. I guess nobody really thinks about the consequences anymore5

Author notes

This is fiction. Oh, what my mind can think up
P.S.
I know the ending is sad,
but I want you to know:
There is hope, there is always hope
no matter how dark the tunnel is,
with faith you will get out

("')('...')("')

A contest entry

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Comments

  • The latter half of this reads much like the 'informative' pamphlets and flyers that float around trying to make people understand and see that abuse does take place. To me it didn't read like a story. I think this is a good outline, but the third-person objective narrative detracts from the impact of this piece. It also needs to be edited - you are missing a lot of apostrophes - especially for noun ownership and in your contractions. Overall, a good story, but I believe it could be narrated better.

    Thank you for your entry in ALMOST ANYTHING GOES... if you're 16 or younger and best wishes with your future writing endeavours.

  • graybeard
    May 9

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    This story is good on many levels. You show some of the consequences of abuse and it conveys the message that suicide is a waste. There was also the point you made near the end when his girlfriend wished he would have talked to her about the situation, he didn't seek help, didn't tell anyone. It's too bad his mother deserted the family, maybe she could have helped. And you offer a message of hope through faith at the end. Good job!

  • His mom should have taken him with her. I liked it sad story about the abuse but you are right about the hope

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.

  • Cavalier gold member
    April 28
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    I'm not a fan of the introduction, particularly in such a short story. I think the idea is good, but I would have liked better if it was somewhat more "show" and not quite as much "tell". I like it better when I get to know the characters over the course of a story that when being told who they are like that. It all became a bit sudden and rushed.

    Thank you for your entry and good luck.