She ran to her room one dark and stormy night,1
everyone was gone, no one was in sight.2
She sat down on her hard wood floor,3
and leaned up against the door.4
The emotions that had been trapped within for so long,5
came pouring out like a sad ballad of a song.6
All those fights with mom and dad,7
the countless nights she cried herself to sleep from being sad.8
A fight with her one and only friend,9
harsh words shared, a broken friendship that couldn't mend.10
Being ugly and never fitting in,11
everyone making fun of her, is the way it has always been.12
Tiny little things that add up to more than one,13
No one could fix what had already been done.14
Life for her had always been a little rocky, a little rough,15
she had never been good enough.16
She couldn't take it anymore,17
her heart was ripped, torn, and very sore.18
She reached for that little black box underneath her bed,19
and pulled out the gun hidden by the velvet and put it to her head.20
Thinking of how she lived life in vain,21
thinking of every little person that had caused her pain.22
Just then the phone rang, a voice she desperately needed to hear.23
The machine picked up: "Hello there dear,24
just calling to check up on you,25
let you know I will love you no matter what you do.26
I miss you, I love you, I hope to see you soon,27
and always know that you are my shining star and moon.28
I will talk to you later as soon as I can, until then remember me,29
I will love you forever honey."30
Tears began to stroll down her cheek,31
she dropped the gun and instantly became weak.32
A voice that had been with her so long ago..33
Could it be, is it so?34
Finally someone who cared?35
Thinking back on the emotions once shared...36
Someone who took five minutes to make a single phone call,37
Five minutes that would break a suicidal wall.38
Author notes
Confusing and wierd I know, and it is written in rhyme, poem like form, but I didn't know whether to post it as poem or story, I posted it as story. Anyways, I hope that you like it.
A contest entry
- Going Under by Just Falling Apart.
350 points, ended August 19, 16 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
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Yay!!! Happy ending! I can really relate to this! I loved how it rhymed and I didn't find it at all confusing. I liked how you didn't reveal the identity of the person who called. Very good work. Thanks for entering my contest!
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wow!!
this poem shows that though people may not see it words have more power then we know..i read this at school and loved it...may someone who needs to hear it read your words. -
fantastic story i feel that maybe you should have wrote leaning against the door instead of floor but thats just my thought, but either way it was a beautiful story that brings out so much emotion great job!
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wow good job
~dani~ -
wow this story was amazing it is a very good write
i knew a boy who died recentally and i've thought about what would have happened -
WOW this is really good, I enjoyed this alot, this a really good story, It's cool how a short phone call can change a persons life forever, this is really compelling and I enjoyed this alot.
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really really great peom, even though things may get really ghard it's not worth comiting suicide.For each and every person has their own value, and we just have to get used to living and accepting ourselves.
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A sad story that had yet a happy ending. Goes to show you how important one little phone call can be - to take that extra minute to call that one who has been on your mind for some strange reason...well done,vj
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"and leaned up against the floor." Leaning against the floor? Mayhap you meant door.
A very good poem, though some of the lines seem a bit to long and rather awkward. I loved the ending, but I must wonder whom called her? -
I liked very much how it ended, how it took a turn for the better. Your words dont flow together as well as they could at times, but that happens. Over all it was good!
JENN -
This is a wonderul, dark and sad poem. It flowed well and it has a depth few poems have nowadays. It had a good build-up and the ending was shattering, but at times it seemed a bit forced
Still, it is a wonderful poem!
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That's a lovely story and I really like it. The fact that it could be true makes it even more emotional and obviously you worked hard on it. It's so true how such a small gesture at the right time could make the biggest difference. I like that image of a wall too, being broken through. I did feel as though some of the rhymes were forced and parts of it didn't flow because of the big difference of syllables between lines eg. "I will talk to you later as soon as I can, until then remember me/ I will love you forever honey." I didn't feel as though 'me' and 'honey' were very strong rhyming partners either.. but overall it was quite good. X
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i liked it really really well i think its because ive been there and have had sumthing so small as a 5 min phone call make me feel like there was a world out there. good job it flowed and had meaning not many poets can make there words mean so much and not even use the words to say so ...good job
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WOW!!! This is amazing. I could feel every line, the emotion, the buildup all the way to the climax. And I could understand it completely because I mean, what you wrote about there, it's reality. I hope that things are okay with you, I don't know if this was written because of feelings you were/are going through. Here is a quote for you though,
“Do not by any means destroy yourself, for if you live you may have good fortune but all the dead are dead alike.”
-The Horse and His Boy, C.S. Lewis
Amazing write, don't ever stop writing.
God bless, hon.
Love,
~noir
~
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Jocelyn, wow. I love how the girl holds onto life because of one person. Well, then again, one shouldn't concentrate their happiness on one thing and one thing only, but it's great that the girl has hope anyway. I love the rhythm and the rhyming, how each couplet (well, they're not really couplets, but whatever) has rhyming words at the end. This is also very emotional and full of romance by the person just leaving a sappy message. Ah, the drowning of people in love. What so little can do. He probably didn't even realize that he had saved someone's life.
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WOW !!! what can i say
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this is amazing. the way you build it up and it is true such a tiny thing such as a fone call can stop some one fromcausing them self harm
well done -
This was sad and it felt very real you could see her putting the gun to head over all the bad things that were said and done
While she waited for some one to show her they cared and then she dropped the gun ,,very brilliant way to end a sad love song -
This has great flow and is written wonderfully. However, I hope you did not write this poem from personal emotions. If that is so, please talk to someone about it. I really like how you ended the poem with the person living, rather than commiting suicide.
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