Peter Woods barely looked up from his toast. “So?”2
“SO?” asked his father, slamming both fist and newspaper on the table. “Boy, my lousy cup of coffee has more sympathy than you!” Peter rolled his eyes, uncaring. So a few guys had disappeared lately. Big deal! This was Palm Springs after all. They'd probably turn up in a week or two complaining of a hangover.3
Mr Woods bared down on his son, mustache twitching in preparation. He knew his kid couldn't resist a fair jibe when given the opportunity. 4
“Well, I'm off, Dad,” Peter responded, taking his balding, pot-bellied father by surprise. “The day is young, and the waves wait for no man.” Grabbing his keys and cell off the kitchen bench, he headed for the garage. His German Shepherd Robert was, unsurprisingly, already in the van.5
As they drove drown the many winding slopes that led to Palm's finest beach, Peter glanced reflexively in the side mirror. It was summer after all-what he liked to think of as typical babe season. His short, tousled black hair sat in casual disarray on the top of his head, his ochre eyes flashing with an unmet expectation. His white cotton shirt and jeans were certainly nothing to brag about but at least he could say he might just catch a few eyes when his shirt was off. He had been hitting the gym for weeks and blended with his jogging and surfing regime, Peter was in great shape for an eighteen year old. Tanned, built, tall and handsome- any girl's dream man.6
Pulling into the car park beside the eateries, Peter spent the better half of a day catching waves and racing his dog. Pleased and exhausted, Peter lifted his board onto the van and called his pet.7
And that's when he saw her. His first reaction was unthinkable pleasure. The lonely woman by the kiosk was indisputably beautiful, every bit as glorious as the ladies seen in beauty pageants. She was fluid even in stillness, and her flawless face was as pale as ivory against the frame of her dark, chocolate hair. Her limbs were smooth and strong, skin glistening subtly, luminous as a pearl beneath the rising sun. And her dress, torn, white linen that wrapped around her shoulders and finished between knee and thigh. A slight breeze flew gently over the beach, the woman's dress and flowing hair dancing elegantly in the wind. 8
Peter didn't even realize he was walking towards her. Those eyes-sparkling like the most crystallized sapphires-had his entire mind enraptured; unable to break free of his sudden yearning for this woman's heart. He was hypnotized.9
All the while as Peter studied, walked and reacted, her face was perfectly composed, the carving of a goddess, showing nothing of the turmoil roiling inside her.10
“H-hel-hello there,” he stuttered as he found himself face to face with the breath-taking stranger. She smiled kindly, but the gesture didn't quite reach her eyes; they were taught, saddened...and grieving. “My n-name is Peter-Peter Woods,” he continued hurriedly. “It's...it's nice to meet you Miss-?” The woman sighed dramatically. Another boy, another murder. Would it never end?11
As she stared, frustrated, into the adoring male's face, that familiar pull she felt, slowly began rising through her system. Lust. The poor lady had tried desperately to fight it before, but the resistance was futile. A monster could never overcome her true nature. But she could always give her prey the choice of living. Overwhelmed by the sudden desire for a man, the woman took hold of his hand and whispered, “I have no name, no home and no life beyond the men I seek. Come with me to a place of no interference.” Robert howled sadly through the van window; it would be many hours later before he was finally remembered.12
***13
For the next few days, Peter's board was left forgotten and unused in his father's garage. Instead, he would spend the entirety of his afternoons hand-in-hand with the woman of no name. They would watch the sunset fading into the horizon, painting the sky with such radiant shades of purple, red and orange. They would dance methodically on the jagged rocks as waves of white and blue came crashing all around them. But one evening was so beautiful that the unrequited love between them burned beyond breaking point.14
As Peter deliberated for one small piece of a second over whether or not he was ready, his love reached out tentatively and stroked her fingertips across his cheek. Smooth as satin, soft as a feather, and now passionately intertwined with him on the beach. A low moan rose in his throat, waves splashing playfully around his thigh.15
Her touch seemed to sweep beneath the surface of his skin, right through to the core of Peter's existence. The feeling was tingly, electric-it jolted through his heart, down his spine and lay trembling, dormant, within his stomach.16
But as the woman's hand curled to the shape of Peter's face, knotting her fingers spontaneously through his hair, desire raced through his dried-out veins again, singing from his head to his toes. Feeling the heat of her body-yearning for it-as her garments were quickly erased from the picture, Peter Woods fell into the last stage of her unintentional hypnosis.17
Desire soon gave way to passion, passion to foolishness, night to day. And without so much as a warning, a confession that would soon doom poor Peter to the fate of so many others like him. Rolling gently over the sand, he reached for his shirt.18
“I miss you already,” she whispered.19
“I don't need to leave. I can stay...a while....”20
“Mmm.”21
It was quiet for a long moment, just the thud of Peter's heart hammering, the broken rhythm of her ragged breathing, and the whisper of their delicate lips moving in synchronization. The sky above was the most purified baby-blue, with not a single developing cloud in sight. The sea had returned to its usual blue-green and the sand sparkled enchantingly beneath the sun.22
Their gaze locked for a moment; her sapphire eyes were so deep that he imagined he could see all the way into her soul. It was clear to him that she possessed the most beautiful soul, more beautiful than her untainted mind or her incomparable face or glorious body.23
Shaking the sand cheekily from his hair, Peter gave the woman a truly heart-stopping smile. “Definitely staying,” he laughed a moment later, his tongue mere inches from hers.24
“No, no. It's your family. You have to go.” She said the words, but the fingers of her right hand locked into his ebony hair, left hand pressed tighter against the small of his back. His warm hands stroked her face affectionately. “Marry me,” he whispered.25
The woman let go, shocked. Peter was already on the ground, kneeling, a diamond ring held between fore-finger and thumb. Blinking back tears, she pushed him away. “I cannot....I....I shouldn't marry you. It's wrong....morally wrong.”26
She dared a quick glance around her, but nobody else was there. It was the most secluded part of the beach with little to no people wanting to come near it because of the rocks. It was her haven of solitude. She could kill him now, if she wanted to. But for the first time in over a century, the woman was in love. It wasn't the same desire that she had felt for the others, it was the need to be with him...forever.27
“What are you saying?” Peter asked, frightened by her sudden change in mood. “Do you not the feel the same?” The beautiful woman looked quite deranged as her eyes rolled wildly in their sockets. Shaking with quietened sobs, she began desperately trying to clothe herself.28
“Peter...there's....there's something...that....you don't know about me. You, you might not even love me. It's just part of my curse.”29
“Curse? What curse?”30
“Peter please! Just....show me this courtesy. Find out what I am-what it means to love me- and tell me if you should change your mind. I do not wish to be a monster. Once you discover my true identity, I will be waiting for you, tonight, by the water's edge. I love you Peter. Love me too, but for what I am, not for what I seem.”31
***32
Everything was black-and-white, leached colourless by the moon. Peter walked slowly across the sands, mind and body utterly succumbed by this woman. He looked across the low ripples and jagged rocks, black in the darkness, searching for her.33
She wasn't hard to find. She stood, her back to him, waist deep in the midnight water, staring up at the oval moon, brighter than it had ever been before. The sparkling light of which turned her skin a perfect white, like the beach, like the moon itself, and made her long wet hair as black as the ocean. 34
Peter couldn't hear the sound of his own footsteps as he walked to the water's edge; heart pounding and ears ringing louder and louder as he approached. However the lovely woman did not turn. 35
No longer a boy, Peter, the man, let the gentle swells break between his toes, and found the ocean's temperature to be rather soothing. It was cool, calm, and refreshing. He stepped in, walking carefully across the invisible ocean floor that continued perfectly smooth, sloping gently towards his love. He waded through the weightless current till he was at her side, and then placed his hand lightly over hers.36
“Are you not afraid?” she whispered.37
The man's eyes smoldered with liquid passion. “I will follow you anywhere, my love.”38
The mysterious woman started crying as a sudden wave of sadness washed within her broken heart. “They always do.” And with that, she led him slowly and gently into the merciless depths of the ocean.39
Author notes
This story is all about the reader filling in the gaps. Did he find out she was a siren or simply choose to meet her on the beach anyway?
I tried to create a Siren in a whole new light than the one shown in Greek Mythology. I wanted the woman to have a heart; to yearn for love like they were designed, but to try her best to deny her true nature. Is it so wrong for a Siren to fall in love?-you decide.
THIS STORY WAS DESIGNED FOR SCHOOL. YOU PICKED A MOMENT FROM A WELL KNOWN BOOK, AND USED IT IN YOUR STORY. LOL THIS WAS PLAGARISED BASICALLY, THE ENDING ANYWAY. FROM BREAKING DAWN FOR ALL YOU TWILIGHT FANS OUT THERE. I CHANGED IT SLIGHTLY FOR THIS SITE BUT THE FACT REMAINS THE SAME.
From Violette.
In a list
A contest entry
- Romance(Yessirs, Points will go up) by Cupcake14.
100 points, ended April 30, 8 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Options 2: The Eliminating Round by MJs-Angel.
190 points, ended May 30, 10 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Make me Cry by reilly500.
175 points, ended June 11, 53 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Felt Like A Little Love by CallMeWhenUrRich.
225 points, ended June 20, 26 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
So what did you think? Who did you feel the most sorry for?- Peter or the Siren? Or maybe the German Shepherd he left stranded in the car?
Comments
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Well, I sure remember this story, It was one of my favourites.
You're in the finalists! -
Funny how at the end you feel sorry for the character which normally you would end up hating. Very original and thanks for entering.
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interesting. i feel sad for the srien. not really peter....[srry peter] he should have been more careful and not have followed her to sea. common sense. but i also feel bad for the german shepherd being left stranded in the car. another reason y i dont feel so sorry for peter.
great story. thnx for entering

beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 3, ending: 4, dialog: 4, characters: 5.
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OK... your story was excellent, but I really like it when people tell me everything( I have problems ). Peter, I feel bad for him, very very sad. Good job!!
Thanks for entering and goodluck! >smiles<
-Carina
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Good theme--good descriptions
Well, I felt sorriest for the dog--he had all the loss and none of the fun. This is a good theme and your descriptive writing is often elegant. I've made a few suggestions to get you started on an edit.
My first suggestion would be to do away with a number of adverbs, which are used sparingly by the best writers. For example, you don't need indisputably, elegantly, dramatically, etc. to make your point. And here are a few detailed comments:
P2 Since Woods hasn't done anything yet, it would work better to say, ...Woods prepared to bear down on his son, mustache twitching'.
delete 'when given the opportunity.'
p2 off, Dad
p7 del 'so they could leave'--it's understood.
p8 change "seen on" to "in" (nice description of the siren)
p 11 "taut," not "taught"; I'd suggest deleting "Another boy, another murder." It kills the suspense. While we may suspect her from the title, we readers enjoy putting things together forourselves. The same for "it would be many hours...remembered." in p12 you could use the dog in the van later to indicate the charater's turning away from worldly ties.

beginning: 3, language: 3, plot: 4, ending: 3, dialog: 2, characters: 2.
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Aww. I liked the fact that the Siren had a heart. And actually, I do feel the worst for the German Shepherd he left stranded in the car...Lol. Great job! Another beautiful piece!!!
Definetely to the finalist list,
Wishing-star123

beginning: 5, language: 4, plot: 4, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 4.
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This was very well done, but very sad I was looking for more of an uplifting proposal with a typical happy ending! But I loved your story just the same, very well done.
And good luck!
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You are evil! Putting the same story in this contest too. Still deadly.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Hahahaha...that third question was too funny.
I fell sorry for both-the siren, because she had not chosen her curse by will, and Peter who was too blinded by passion to even think she might be his end.
I loved this!-“Are you not afraid?” she whispered.37
The man's eyes smoldered with liquid passion. “I will follow you anywhere, my love.”38
The mysterious woman started crying as a sudden wave of sadness washed within her broken heart. “They always do.” And with that, she led him slowly and gently into the merciless depths of the ocean.
This is the thing that convinced me to make you a finalist.
Best of luck in your further writing endeavours!
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I think I felt most sorry for the siren.
I understand your perspective, and I throughly enjoyed the story.
Very nicely done.

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That was interesting and semi-mysterious. You certainly kept my attention throughout although the "romantic-ness" of this isn't quite to my taste.
Quite honestly though, I wouldn't have realised she was a siren if you hadn't said in your author's notes or title.
I think I definitely felt more sorry for the siren. I didn't feel much for Peter. I guess because he fell so easily.
I think you don't need to mention murder in paragraph 11. I think it gives too much away in a sense. Besides, you've already set it up well that the woman is the cause of the disappearances.
If you want the reader to fill in the gaps then if you don't explicitly say she kills the boys, it would leave it open for the reader to decide whether the siren leading them into the ocean is actually killing them or if it's just taking them away from the world they knew.
Overall it's a good story. I like it. Thanks for entering itbeginning: 4, language: 4, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 4, characters: 4.
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I feel sory for the poor German Sheperd. He should have let the dog go b4 he went with the siren. It's deady like anything else you write.


beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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I can't believe no one has commented on this. It's absolutely beautiful. Your descriptions are flawless and so poetic! I actually felt worse for the siren since she really loved him, but knew it would end badly. Great story.


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It's new that's why ;)
Thanx for the comment yeah I wanted ppl to feel for the Siren the most but sometimes ppl surprise me by pitying somebody else.
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