Jenny is a great soccer player. She has wonderful talented, but the only problem is, she is jealous that everyone has a boyfriend except her. 1
One night after a great game, which brought them up a division, she sees a comet fall, and makes a wish for a boyfriend, The wish comes true, and there she meets Derik. They spend time together. He shows her some horror and bloody poems he writes. Derik is extremely rich and gets whatever he wants. In Jenny's case, he is spoiled rotten!2
After a few days, she meets another boy, Jake, who she likes more. She decides to dump Derik and go with Jake, but will Derik like that idea?3
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
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oooh, been ther..grrr, ended well!
, well i defiently want to red more, so keep it up!
-big sis Alea -
thanks Ev, I'll change that right now!
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Good so far
Wow...this is good for your first story (I know it's an epilogue but oh well, it's still part of a story). However, I have a few suggestions that could help you in your future in storywriting. In one line, you write 'One night after a great game, bringing them up a division, she sees a comet fall, and makes a wish for a boyfriend, and it comes true, she meets Derik.' That is sort of a run-on sentence, and I think you should say 'One night after a great game that brought them up a division, she saw a comet fall and made a wish for a boyfriend. It came true, and she met Derik'. However, other than that, I don't see any other necessary corrections, except for a few spelling errors here and there. Maybe double-check the spelling before you actually post it. But good start! I'm going to read the next part! -
interesting. short but you knwo you make me wanna read more
~nerny
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