Accidental Criminal

We loitered in the rundown baseball dugout, drinking cheap rum. Alex sat in the corner with Brianna on his lap. Sean leaned against the chain link front. Mark crouched on the dusty floor, resting his head his on the wall and I reclined on the bench, my legs stretched out to the chain link.

Sean glanced at his watch. “We’re gonna take Bri home and get some smokes. You want reds?”

“Of course,” I replied. “Night Bri; sweet dreams.”

“Night Kate; see ya Mark,” she said waving.

Brianna and Alex followed Sean, hand in hand, to his car.

“We’ll be back soon!” Yelled Alex as he held the door for Bri.

Mark and I sat in silence for a few minutes.

“Hey, pass me that bottle,” Mark said, reaching out his hand.

He took a swig and sighed discontentedly.

“You ok?” I asked.

“Yeah; just thinking.”

“About?”

“Regrets.”

“Oh, I have lots of those. But then, who doesn’t?”

“Not these kind.”

I wrinkled my brow. “Whaddaya mean?”

He took another drink. “I hurt someone I really care about. I don’t think she’ll forgive me, and I know I can’t forgive myself.”

“Everyone hurts everyone, whether we mean to or not. It can’t be that bad; what did you do?”

“About a month ago, my ex-girlfriend Melissa told me she had being seeing someone else and our relationship was over. I was hurt and angry. I called her a stupid whore.”

“We all say things we don’t really mean.”

“It wasn’t just words. I hit her. I shoved her against the wall and slapped her across the face… hard.”

“Oh.” I didn’t know what else to say.

“I’m seeing a counselor about it now; I know I need help.”

“Do you think the counselor is helping?

“Yeah; she is, but I haven’t told her everything that happened.”

“So, did you tell her you hit Melissa?”

“Yes, but that’s not everything.” A tear rolled down his cheek, shinning in the moonlight. “After I slapped her, I ripped her jeans open. She screamed, but no one else was home. I kept slamming her into the wall with my hips. She was crying and there was blood, but I couldn’t stop. I forced her shirt and bra off and bit her breast till it bled too. She screamed once more and then gave up. I backed away and watched as she crumpled into a ball on the floor. She just lay there, mostly naked, shaking and whimpering. I left her on the floor alone.”

Another tear rolled down his cheek. I stared at him, horrified, unable to speak, resisting the urge to run.

“I was so upset I almost crashed my car on the way home. Now I wish I had.”

What could I say?

“Why?” He cried with his head in his hands. “I din’t mean to do it. I loved her; I never meant to hurt her; I swear. I just lost control. It was like someone else was doing it, not me. Why did I do it? I din’t mean to. I din’t mean to.”

Sean’s car pulled up; he and Alex got out. Mark stopped sobbing and sat silently, his head still in his hands. His shoulders were shaking. I noticed his breathing sounded odd, and then realized mine did too.

Sean strode into the dugout and tossed a pack of cigarettes into my lap. I sat motionless. He looked from me to Mark and then back again.

“Hey what’s going on?” Sean said, concerned.

“Nothing,” I whispered.

“You sure?”

I nodded slowly.

“Ok,” he said unbelievingly.

Alex walked into the dugout, humming. He stopped when he saw Mark. He turned to me.

“Is he ok?” He mouthed.

I fumbled with the cigarettes. “Yeah; he’s just tired. I think the drink is hitting him.”

Alex picked up the bottle and downed some. He chatted with Sean.

Mark and I remained silent.