Guardian of the Haunted: 27

I shook my head in pity for what he couldn't understand. The years had not given him wisdom, only self pity. Then as if to ease both our minds, I added, "Besides I might not die." 1

He scoffed, face set into a grim expression. We both knew that statement for the lie it was. We sat like that, next to each other in an awkward silence as both of us refused to face the other. I was stuck on thoughts of how to pull this all off, and possibly maintain my current ability to draw breath, or live. I looked over the spells from memory and tried to find the catch that made this nightmare into a happily ever after, for everyone. It was Ian who spoke up again and turned the slowly fading tension of the silence back up to uncomfortable. 2

"Lacy." He whispered so low that I almost didn’t hear him, maybe he hadn't wanted me to. 3

"What do you want Ian?" I tried to keep my tone light but judging by the way he gave a small cringe when I spoke I think I failed. 4

"Lacy I…don't do it. Why do you have to do it? Why does everything good in my life have to get ripped away from me?" I doubt the last question was directed at me, it wasn’t something I could answer for him, I wasn’t even sure he could answer that question for himself. 5

"What do you mean?" 6

"Lacy I don’t want you to die, I…I think I love you." He admitted it very softly as if only confirming it to himself but I still heard it, and I couldn’t bare to her him say it. 7

If he was hoping for some heartfelt gush of emotions from me, ones about how I felt the same and how now I wouldn’t do anything rash he was sorely disappointed. "You're a ghost Ian." I pointed out to him. "You can't love me." 8

He turned to face me so fast the motion was a blur. He stared at him, the lasers of anguish and hurt coming from him almost enough to burn me. "So I can't have feelings!" He snarled, "Just because I'm a ghost doesn’t mean I can't love Lacy." He continued to look at me daring to say he was wrong. 9

I flushed a bit, knowing he wasn’t wrong, not about the ghosts having feelings part anyway. He had shown me just how many feelings they could have. I was the one wrong in all this. Even as I told him he couldn’t love I knew it should have come out, 'I can't love you, you're a ghost.' 10

You can't love a ghost, you just can't. It's impossible in the simple way that I'm alive and he isn't. I only wanted to ease my own tensions, I couldn’t allow myself to have feelings for him, nature was against any relationship we could possibly develop. 11

I don’t know exactly what he took my prolonged silence as, but he didn't take it well. "Fine Lacy." He snapped. "Kill yourself just don’t expect me to sit around and watch! Don’t even try to ask for my help either cause I won't!" 12

"I don’t need your help." I muttered to noting but empty air. Ian was gone, and I probably would never see him again. And just that thought sent a tear sliding down my cheek. Soon my emotions were completely over flowing and I held my head in my arms and just cried silently over everything and nothing at all. I just couldn’t stop. 13

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*14

Get it over with, I just wanted to get it all over with, so I made plans to do it the next day. I would go to the house instead of school and bargain with Augustus, see if there was any alternative to death. And if all else failed, my death would be a martyrdom.15

My face still tear stained I reentered my room and went to bed in zombie mode. Not really recognizing the mundane actions I did, they were so familiar I didn't need to thing about them, I was too numb to.16

The next morning I got ready for school just like every other day. With the expectation of adding a few new items to my back pack. I'd found an old gaudy amulet buried in the jewelry box of things I never wore, I took that and some chalk, and using the scanner on the computer I had copied the pages of the book where the spell was. 17

I ate breakfast without a word and said good bye to my mother. Hugging her and telling her I loved her. She was a little unaccustomed to the outward affection but returned the gesture with limited awkwardness. As I walked out I was disappointed as Stalker Cat failed to make his appearance. Seems like he'd abandoned me and my decision too. 18