Eyrions Adventures 1
Chapter 2: A Boy’s Change2
The sun rose early the next morning on the hills of Ithica. Ben and Linda still lay on the hill together cuddled up sleeping. Ben slept quietly with Ginger after their long night. It was Saturday, the first day of their long weekend. The sunrise looked like something only seen in a faire tale; the sky was a mixture of yellow, orange and pink, the sun was low in the sky and left long shadows. The smell of the bakers shop could be smelled for miles; he was always up early baking before the rush hours of the day. Lind and Eyrion slept heavily as if nothing would ever wake them in their deep sleep. Lind was awoken by a pounding in the distance. She rolled over and sat up, “What is that?” She questioned rubbing her eyes. Eyrion tossed and turned and then leapt into the air, “Red Raiders, a dozen of them” Eyrion answered wide awake.3
They rushed into the town as people ran in panic to their homes. Eyrion stood in the town center with Linda holding onto his arm. Out of the tavern came Ben and Ginger, Marin walked out of the school; dressed in leather armor and held a war hammer in his two hands. “Let me go get you a sword” Ben panicked and ran to his shop grabbing a sword off a rack holding many weapons. He rushed back to Eyrion, “Here you are” Ben held the sword out with his left hand.4
“No” Eyrion shook his hand.5
“What?” Ben grabbed Eyrion’s arm with his free hand.6
“I don’t need it, now go hide” Eyrion shouted and pushed Ben.7
“You must take it” Ben waved the sword in Eyrions face.8
“Go, you will die if you stand here” Eyrion pushed Ben away.9
“Come Ben” Ginger shouted from his shop.10
“If you say so” Ben panicked as the Raiders came around the corner. He ran quickly to where Ginger hide in his shop.11
“Go” Eyrion turned to Linda.12
“But...” she started, “Just go” Eyrion interpreted her. She kissed his cheek and ran towards Ben’s shop. The Raiders were now in clear view; the lead one raised a black spear into the air and launched it at Eyrion. Eyrion watched it sail towards his head; quickly he punched the spear into the ground. Quickly he bent over, grabbed the spear stood and launched it back at the Raider. Hitting him in the chest, this sent the Raider flying into the air, off his horse, hard onto the ground. Ben, Ginger and Linda watched in amazement. Eyrion now ran at the dead Raider, ready to grab its sword. He flew past the others as they swung and missed him. He reached the dead Raider un-seething his sword and stood ready for an attack. Four of the Raiders turned and headed back at Eyrion, the others continued to Marin.13
Eyrion let out a sharp yell and cut one of the horse’s heads off. The horse fell quickly to the ground and the Raider flew through the air into the side of the tavern. 14
“This is him?” One hissed coming to a stop.15
“Yes” A larger one said dressed in red and gold. The other Raiders had red and black armor their leader was dressed heavily in gold and red plate armor.16
“Doesn’t look to much of a threat, my lord” The smallest hissed circling Eyrion.17
“Just get him alive, as for the other one, kill him” The leader un-mounted his horse and walked to a barrel set up against the tavern, and sat upon it.18
“You will not kill any one on this day.” Eyrion struck another horse’s head. The Raider fell to the ground with his battle axe ready to fight. He swung the giant weapon at Eyrion missing every time. Eyrion blocked the last strike and swung his sword just hitting the arm of the raider. “You are fast” The raider giggled. He lifted his axe high into the air and brought it straight down, Eyrion dodged the attack swiftly. As he dodged he brought his sword around and sliced the arm of the raider off; the raider let a sharp screech out and fell to the ground. Eyrion spun and stabbed the raider through the heart. “You my friend, are next” Eyrion pointed to the largest of the men surrounding him.19
“Wait” Marin shouted, “Let me kill a couple” He smiled as five men circled him. One of the raiders leapt off his horse and swung a mace at Marin. Marin dodged as the mace smashed into the ground. Marin scrambled to get his balance back, the raider came for another attack as he landed; Marin blocked it with his hammer, sending himself flying onto the ground. He quickly stood up and readied his weapon. 20
“Of all the men, I get the one who can’t stand” The raider joked, the others laughed. Marin swung his hammer around his head then brought it down at the Raiders head, splitting his head open; blood flew every where and the other raiders quieted them selves. The raiders now knew of their opponents strengths and weaknesses, with only four left they all un-mounted their horses and stood in a straight line. 21
“You’re a big man” Eyrion gazed up at the tallest raider. 22
“That’s un-natural.” Marin smirked. The raider out of complete anger ran in for an attack on the two of them, the dodged his first attack with the sword, Eyrion stabbed the raider in the chest, and Marin brought his hammer smashing into the side of the raiders face, sending blood and teeth flying from its mouth. “Never attack out of anger, if you do so you will die” Marin lowered his hammer to his side.23
“Stop” The captain stood and walked over to them from the barrel. “We will finish this the old way. Sword verse sword just like the king’s before us did when there was a draw. The small boy verses my best man, meet Gejil” The leader worked his way between the five men. “If we win the boy comes with us, if you win, you can stay here. Sound fair?” The captain smiled and went back to the barrel. A small boney man made his way from the line. He removed his helmet; his teeth were black and rotted, his hair was black and his skin pale white. He looked like he was a dead man. “Let’s go!” The captain shouted in anger. “Right” Eyrion readied shocked by the look of his enemy. The two circled around waiting for the right moment to attack. Eyrion lowered his sword for a second and took a sharp look at his enemy. The raider took this chance and attacked, striking low at his legs; Eyrion swung his leg backwards into the air dodging the strike. Quickly the Raider brought his sword and swung his body with it hard into Eyrions sword. The blades collided and bent.24
The two out of breath, leapt back wards circling once again. The raider bent over and pulled a long curved dagger from his boot. Eyrion calmly waited for the attack. His enemy ran at him with blood shot eyes and his dagger held out in front of him. Eyrion stepped to his right and the raider flew past him, Eyrion reached high and brought his fist onto the back-neck of the raider.25
This sent the raider falling onto the ground, “I wish not to kill you today. You will live another day, for a distant field we will fight, and there fait will decide who dies.” Eyrion turned and walked to Marin. 26
“Finish him” Marin whispered. 27
“He is not at his best, he had a late night last night” Eyrion answered loudly smiling. The raiders laughed loudly at the joke and mounted their horses. 28
“No turn and face me now” The raider hissed pointing his sword at Eyrion. “Kill him” Marin agreed. 29
“Leave” Eyrion shouted. 30
“Let us ride into the sun set” Their Captain rose and walked to his horse. 31
“I can’t lose to a 14 year old” The raider ran at Eyrion who had his back turned. 32
“Watch out” Marin shouted as the raider brought his sword down. The raider shouted loudly and then stopped an arrow had pierced through his chest. He fell to his knees slowly and dropped his sword behind him. Behind him Linda stood with a bow in her left hand. 33
“Killed?” The raider hissed and fell onto his side, blood flowing from his mouth. Linda looked frozen in her foot steps with the bow in her hand. Eyrion ran to her pushing through the raiders horses and wrapped his arms around her, “its ok” he whispered. 34
“He...” Her eyes watered. 35
“No it’s ok, you did the right thing” He tried to comfort her. She started to weep in his arms as the sun raised high into the sky, it was now past noon. “Stop, he would have some day if not today.” He rubbed the tears from her eyes. She sniffed and stopped crying as he held her tightly. “We will meet again” Eyrion turned as the raiders stood in a line.36
“On some distant field, we will kill you un-like our last two times. This will be a battle for the kings to remember” The captain turned and rode off.37
“I killed him” Linda sniffed one last time.38
Eyrion and Marin collected the dead bodies, taking their weapons and armor off the bodies. Small flat bundles of clouds rolled across the land as people came out from their hiding spots. The bodies pilled on the out into the corn field of the town. Marin set fire to the bodies and made sure it did not spread to the corn; he watered around the edges and watched them burn. The flames were blue and purple, evil flames, kind that only pure evil could conjure. Why those raiders rode into the town Eyrion knows little about, but they came for him that is all he knows. Marin watched the body’s burn for hours until all the flame had died out and the ashes were drifted away by a strong western wind. He than, returned to the city, a few hours past lunch. He made his way past the bakery into the school house. He proceeded to his book shelf and took off the highest shelf a large red book, The Time of War, it was titled. Marin flipped to the middle of the book looking for the Dẻlkin wars; the last wars of the first Peace King; King Griel. This king still ruled over the land in which Marin and Eyrion lived, he was turning old and the new king was a evil king, his name Halidorn. These two have many similar beliefs but also many different. Peace King Griel believes that all matters should not consist of war at any cost; this is why he has lost the lordship over Fardale, and Solfin. Halidorn believes that all is good, war and peace, he believes they are intertwined and both can be used. 39
Eyrion sat out side Ben’s shop, on a crate next to Linda who sat on a barrel. The watched the clouds roll by in the sky as the time slowly passed. The two of them were shocked to find that no more attacks had come yet. Linda was still unstable about her killing of the raider. “How far are the Pixie Falls?” Eyrion turned to Linda on his crate.40
“As far as the Dragon Wing Mountains” Linda answered with a misplaced look.41
“What if we were to run away there for only a week?” Eyrion asked with a giant smile.42
“Maybe in a few years we can but not now. Why do you wish to do this?” Linda giggled boyishly running her hands through his hair.43
“I want an adventure” He stood with his hands on his hips. Linda laughed hard at Eyrions jester and stood with him.44
“Well maybe some day we can” Linda Hugged Eyrion around the torso.45
“Some day” Eyrion gazed deeply into her eyes.46
“Yes some day when there is no war, and all the spirits of the land have calmed, we will journey. Deep into the Pixie Falls to where every man finds peace.” Lind pressed her head onto his shoulder.47
Marin still slaved over the books, like a blacksmith with his masterpieces. Sweat rolling from his face because of the scorching heat from out side. He had a pitcher of wine and a goblet to his right setting on his desk. He studied the many descriptions and the pictures drawn in their many scholars before. Page after page, he started from the first page and went right through to the end of the book. Only finding out who the last person attacked had been; a person very similar to Eyrion. He stood and waked to the book self and grabbed the second volume of the book, and went right back to his desk and started to read. The day started to cool off, and Marin still in pursue of why Eyrion had been attacked still read the second book.48
Back in town Eyrion and Linda now parted ways for a few hours. Eyrion ventured to his home to collect his sword and bow for practice. He collected his belongings from home and ventured out into one of the distant wheat fields. The wheat came to Eyrions neck as he trampled through the tall crop. He finally stopped where it was most flat and set his weapons down and drew out hiss word. Balancing the sword, as he held it out in front of him; grasping the hilt tightly. The hilt was light; made of copper, it was also short. The blade it self was only a foot long, a short sword. His bow was an average oak long bow and he used iron arrows. Eyrion practiced tersely with his sword and than proceeded on with his bow. With his bow he stabbed his sword into the ground some distance away and walked away. He crouched in the weeds and rolled popping up and firing at his sword. For every arrow he hit he moved two feet closer, every time he missed he moved five feet back. Eyrion practiced this for a very long time until he hit enough times to become close enough to touch the sword. He was far from the town he could not see or hear nay commotion from the town’s people. So he ventured into the woods a few yards away to catch dinner. He spotted a few rabbit and quickly fired at them. Hitting one as the other ran away, he walked into the forest and collected his first kill and ventured still further for another. He collected two more rabbit for dinner and than proceeded into the town again gathering all that he brought with him. The wind caught Eyrions hair and made it dance. The sun was now starting to set in the east as people cleared the streets and house windows lit up.49
“Eyrion come here” Ben shouted from out side the shop. Eyrion hustled to greet Ben, dropping one of the rabbit on his way.50
“What father?” Eyrion answered reaching Ben.51
“Come eat” Ben smiled.52
“Here take this” Eyrion panted out of breath from carrying all the weight. He handed Ben his weapons and two of the rabbit. He turned and walked back for the last one that he dropped. He brushed it off as he picked it up off the ground and proceeded back to Bens.53
“What are these for?” Ben smiled54
“Dinner” Eyrion answered as he hustled to the water hole.55
“Ok, well I made me salad and wine, but you can cook that up quickly.” Ben patted Eyrion on the shoulder and walked to the dinner table.56
“Right” Eyrion answered skinning the rabbit and throwing them into a pot of boiling water.57
“You know every time you kill, it is said that one year is taken off your life” Ben bite into his salad.58
“It is an old wizard tale” Eyrion sat across from Ben.59
“Believe what you may” Ben grabbed a hold of his goblet and raised it to his lips taking a sip. “But I’m off to the bar with Ginger. See you in the morning” Ben stood and walked to the door. He knelt onto two knees into a praying position. “Father helps me on this day to become a better man, and help me with my vows. God send me a sign” Ben crossed him self.60
“Why do you do such silly things? Speak to an imaginary man, I’m your son tell me your problem and I can help. God will not answer” Eyrion questioned Ben as he raised form his knees.61
“It is what I believe, don’t you? You may help but he is what will bring me to where I need to be” Ben walked out the door way.62
“I believe in nothing that should make a man kneel. Where is your god? Not here.” Eyrion shouted out to Ben from the table.63
Ben turned and walked back into the shop, “You question god?” Ben raised his left eyebrow confusion.64
“I don’t question god, I question you. You’re faith brings this land nothing but heart ache. Where was your god when my parents were killed? Where was your god today? If you ask me if I question your god I say no. I question his power; he has done nothing for me with it” Eyrion stood form the table.65
“He has let you live” Ben pointed at Eyrion with his right pointer finger.66
“I choose weather I live or die, not your god” Eyrion shouted.67
“God gave you your life, not you” Ben spoke calmly.68
“You’re god is just as real as immortality. We all die, weather it is of disease or on the battle field. God doesn’t give us the disease or give us the battle; we find the disease or battle.” Eyrion lowered his voice.69
“Let me believe in God” Ben turned.70
“Fine but when die on the battle field make sure that your god is there, and make sure he set’s my ashes to the sea” Eyrion stormed past Ben out into the town. “I will talk to you, not your god” He muttered as he walked by.71
Ben made his way to the bar where he met Ginger. Eyrion stormed to the hill where he had slept the night before. In the far north of the town Eyrion could see the cross atop the church. 72
“Where are you god?” Eyrions eyes became watery. “Why did my parents die? If you are real give me a sign” He cried falling onto his feet.73
Marin on the last page of the second book found what he had been searching for all day. He slammed the book shut and ran out the door with his goblet in his right hand. He ran to Ben’s workshop where he found the food setting and the rabbit boiling. Marin than proceeded to the bakery in search for Eyrion, but he found Lind asleep and the baker closing. He could find Eyrion no where even out in the wheat fields, where he spent most his time. He started s way home from the fields when he saw a bright light dimming in and out from a distant hill. He rushed to where the light was coming from and found Eyrion lying on the ground unconscious. His body lifted into the air and turned a bright blue, it began to grow. It settled back on the ground and the light diapered. There lay an older looking Eyrion. “This is what that first picture meant. It had a small body figure outlined in blue, changing into a larger man figure surrounded by the same color.” He thought to him self. “This means he is the Guardian from the story” He knelt beside Eyrion. “So that means that if Eyrion is it, than he can save this land. But if he is going through these changes… that must mean the evil sorcerer from the first king is being resurrected.” Marin panicked in his mind. “And we can’t stop the resurrection” He stated in a whisper as he whipped sweat from Eyrions face. “This means that Eyrion must stop him when he is strong enough. But there are his guards he must over come each of them, Earth, Fire, Water, and Wind, each guard controls a different part of the land. Each guard gains more power after the last is killed.” Marin read from a piece of paper he tore from the book. “Water is last and Earth first, the order in which they die is your choice.” He scrolled down farther. “Love will change their destiny” It ended. “Sounds like instructions, that’s odd” Marin folded the paper and placed it into his pouch. Then he lifted the grown Eyrion and carried back to the school room.74
In the morning Eyrion awoke and rubbed his eyes, “Where am I?” He questioned his voice deeper. “My voice what happened” He panicked. “Is this your god’s doings Ben?” He ran around. “Wait I’m in school and it’s Sunday. What’s going on”?” He sat back on the ground; he looked over at Marin sitting at his desk. 75
“I want you to listen to me Eyrion. The Chaos sorcerer is being resurrected and he will stop at nothing to take control of this land, it is a valuable place. He will stop at nothing to kill all the good in the land. You are the Guardian of Order, the only guardian not under his control, and the only guardian that can kill him. You have grown so that you may fight the sorcerer and defeat his army. But there is one part I do not understand” Marin took the paper from his pouch and unfolded it and took it to Eyrion.76
“Love will change their destiny” Eyrion read.77
“It makes no sense, “Love will change their destiny”?” Marin quoted the paper.78
“You guy’s, do you have any idea what is going on?” A voice came from behind Eyrion. “I have changed I grew these over night and this” He turned to find Linda feeling her chest and butt.79
“This doesn’t scare you?” Eyrion stood questioning Lind80
“No” she replied81
“How can’t it”82
“I like it; it makes me feel more like a woman”83
“It’s because we are six years older than what we were yesterday”84
“If I may you guys” Marin interrupted the two fighting. “It says you only have two years before the resurrection is completed. Oh, yes and its only 4 years and I figured it out. She must go with you so these two years will be spent training her. She is the love that is spoken of; I just don’t know how she will change the outcome.” Marin rubbed his left temple.85
“It’s a great thing you have; knowledge, if more men were like you we would not need war” Eyrion smiled and walked out the door. People were running about as if a giant was about to squash the very life from them. “You, what is the matter?” Eyrion stopped one of the men.86
“They are coming” He panicked and ran into a home across the street. Eyrion looked onto the hill where he had transformed; there were two dozen more raiders.87
“We need to leave” Marin rushed out the door grabbing hold of Eyrion and Linda’s arms.88
“Where are we going?” Linda questioned as she ran with Marin and Eyrion. Eyrion gazed back on the hill where the raiders still sat the sun beating on their backs, making them look like demons. Marin guided the two to the stables and saddled three horses, “Let’s go” Marin mounted upon a dark brown horse.89
“No, we can’t just leave” Eyrion ran back to the door.90
“We must there is nothing we can do if either of you are killed. We can’t risk it we must go” Marin rode quickly in front of Eyrion stopping him.91
“Let me get Umbar” Eyrion whistled out into the city. Moments later Umbar came running to Eyrion, the horse all ready had his saddle on and sword strapped to the saddle. “Linda let’s go” Eyrion shouted as he mounted Umbar. Linda quickly saddled a white horse and mounted it. “We will head west” Eyrion trotted out of the stables. 92
“Why what is west?” Linda followed Eyrion closely.93
“My home” He sped up into a gallop. They ran fast and unnoticeable out of the city into the hills out side the city. Ithica soon came out of their view; they did not know how long it would be before they saw Ithica again. They came to what was left of Eyrions parents and their home. “This is a peaceful little place” Lind smiled gazing around the wide open plans that surrounded the house.94
“From what I can remember” Eyrion smiled.95
“Here Eat” Marin un-mounted his horse and fed it grass.96
“You just took me away form my only home for what reason and cost?” Linda grabbed onto Eyrions arm.97
“So you don’t die with them. So we can fight this evil, because if they had caught us” Eyrion paused as he gazed into her beautiful eyes.98
“What would have happened?” Linda cried.99
“We would have died; this land would no longer be free”100
“Since when have you cared of anything but you’re self”101
“Since I meet you”102
“Things change, people change. You have no reason to care for me, for I have not given you one” Linda pulled away from Eyrion and walked to the burnt house.103
Marin walked the boundary of the land to check for any invaders. He was covered in a dark cloak as the sun set in the distance. Eyrion prayed standing next to his horse, something he did not believe in but he prayed for his father, and Ben. Linda mourned at her leaving the village, she was bent over next to what looked like a bed at one time, and she was inside the house. She prayed for her father and mother hoping they were fine. 104
Marin now sat quietly a distance form the house attempting to make a fire with two sticks. He rubbed the faster and faster hoping that they would ignite. Sparks slowly went into the air and he caught him self a fire. Marin did not pray because; like Eyrion, did not believe in fait. They both believed they chose their own fait, and did not have any reason to pray for it. He ate small amounts of mice; as they passed him on the ground, he would catch them and cook them.105
Eyrion walked to the edge of the forest as the night blanketed the sky. He climbed high into a tree and stared into the sky. “Why me?” He asked quietly so no one could hear him. “I must kill him just to be free. This is not fair, what if I fail? I die? A man should not have to prove his worthiness to be free”. “And this body am I stuck like this?” He questioned the sky. A tear rolled down his face at the thought of not being able to be free. He looked back down into the forest; a dim light was coming from the deep inner forest. It grew brighter and brighter by the minute; Eyrion leapt from his tree branch and landed hard. He drew his dagger from his boot and stood ready. “Who goes here?” He shivered. 106
“Don’t be alarmed” A strange but familiar voice echoed.107
“Who are you?” The shadow came into site.108
“Not surprised you don’t recognize me. It’s been eight years, but I can see you still wear my bracelet. That bracelet binds you to the fate of us all, you will die, and it is the bracelet of freedom. Your master has the other, the bracelet of death. You are forced by those rings to fight for the land and for your ancestors; so we can sleep in peace finally.” The voice loathed over Eyrions hand with the ring.109
“What?” He shook his head in confusion110
“Get rid of it now, while it’s not too late. The wizard needs those rings to be resurrected. You’re mothers’ death and you’re fathers’ death was for that ring. The raiders have haunted us for thousands of years. Each time the ring passes down we fail, we die, we give up and eventually die, or it corrupts us. Those bracelets together are powerful, and they looked smaller when I wore it. It only went about 5 inches past my writs, it goes a little farther on you. But training my grandson it works, believe me. Those battle bracelets may look simple but are strong”111
“Grandfather?” A tear rolled down Eyrions face.112
“Yes. Just stay aware and grandson remember, if you want to live and become free. Give up, let the land fall to chaos and ruin.” His grand father turned.113
“No.” Eyrion snarled.114
“No? You want to die?” 115
“If death awaits me so be it. This land will not fall to the chaos and ruin of the wizard. My freedom will come from this and I will live. These bracelets may have power of some people but not me”116
“That’s it, you are now ready”117
“Ready for what?”118
“You’re training; you see many of our ancestors did not believe in the freedom of this land. When it came time to…” His grandfather stopped.119
“Came time to what?” Eyrion chased after him.120
“Here take this, and remember she who looks pretty on the outside has wings of might on the inside” His grandfather handed Eyrion a long bow made from elvish oak; it was finished in a white with gold trimming. “Now you free this land and these people” His grand father vanished into smoke. When the smoke cleared there was a quiver with a dozen arrows floating in the air just above Eyrions head. It matched his bow in colors; he reached for it and wore it on his back.121
“But what do you mean it came time to?” He shouted into the air.122
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
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Wow
Hm...first off, I love the picture in the back. The only trouble is that it's hard to read the text because of it. *shrug* Not that I had a problem. I copy-pasted it to notepad and read while I was off-line.
Now I had a lot of time to read this sucker so I'm giving a rather lengthy comment/critique (so be wary!
)
There are some sections where the paragraphs as jumbled together and it's hard to figure where one ends and another stops. There were also the normal grammatical such stuff that you might want to fix or change to better make this write readable to others. I started at the beginning in my following critique and went straight to the end for you. That way it ought to be a little easier for you to locate them all.
-->First paragraph-ish:
"faire"
----->is actually spelled "fairy"
"The sunrise looked like something ounly seen in...."
----->is a run-on sentence.
"The smell of the bakers shop could be smelled..."
----->you use the same word twice in one sentence. This isn't bad, but I tend to liven it up with other words. Perhaps changing "smelled" to "caught" or something?
"Lind" You forget the "a" at the end of her name off and on during the entire peice.
"Lind was awoken by..."
----->I don't know why but it doesn't sit right. Maybe "Linda awoke to..."
-->Second Paragraph-ish:
"Ben panicked and ran to his..."
----->The word "panicked" is used a great deal in this story...maybe using a different word would help make it less obvious or something?
-->First Conversation:
"Come Ben" Ginger shouted.
----->This sort of seems more like her calling a puppy or something. Moreover, she's shouting, so think of it this way: what would you say if you were Ginger? I'd say something like "Come on, Ben!" or "Hurry up!"
"If you say so" Ben panicked as the...
----->Again with the panicked. Does Ben panic a lot?
--> Third Paragraph-ish:
"Eyrion watched it sail towards his head; quickly he punched..."
----->The word "quickly" is a bit off in the sentence. Also, you use this word a great deal as well.
"Quickly he bent over, grabbed..."
----->I believe you need a comma (,) after "Quickly"
"Hitting him in the chest, this sent..."
----->This seems like an incomplete sentence. (Can't stand alone) Perhaps placing a semi-colon prior to the sentence instead?
"flying into the air, off his horse, hard..."
----->It might just be me, but I figure "off his horse" should go before "flying into the air."
"Eyrion let out a sharp yell and cut one of the horse's..."
----->Here you use a apostrophe in "horse's" whereas in other cases you do not. Try to keep with one or the other.
-->Second Conversation:
"You will not kill any one this..."
----->The words "any" and "one" are actually one word.
"Eyrion dodged the attack swiftly..."
----->Here, I think this and the next sentence ought to be combined in some way or perhaps altered so they don't seem to overlap so much.
"You my friend, are next..."
----->There ought to be a comma (,) after "You" because "You" and "my friend," are referring to the same person.
Raider vs. raider.
----->Sometimes you capitalize this as a name or something and other times you do not. Sort of like english vs. English type of thing. Again, just try to keep it the same each time.
"Marin swung his hammer around his head..."
----->I'd just like to point out that you use head a lot here. Perhaps omitting one would help.
"...quieted them selves..."
----->The words "them" and "selves" are actually one.
"...sending blood and teeth flying from its mouth..."
----->I would hope that the said Raider was either a he or a she, not an it.
--> Fourth Paragraph-ish:
"Sword verse sword just like..."
----->I believe the word you wanted was "versus."
...just like the king's before us..."
----->I think you don't want to pertain ownership or such thing with the word "king."
"A small boney man made his way from..."
----->There are normally commas between adjectives like "small" and "boney."
"Eyrion readied shocked by the..."
----->This didn't make sense.
"The raider took this chance..."
----->I found the word "this" to seem sour so to speak here, perhaps a better word?
"Quickly the Raider..."
----->Again, the word quickly...
"...The Raider brought his sword and swung..."
----->Brought his sword where? Up? Down?
"The blades collided and bent."
----->This makes me wonder if perhaps they bent only slightly or something because they continue to use these weapons.
"The two out of..."
----->I think you need to say something more along the lines of "The two combatants were out..."
"...leapt back wards circling..."
----->The words "back" and "wards" are one AND you need a comma (,) after the word "backwards."
...his fist onto the back-neck of the..."
----->The word(s) "back-neck" is really weird...a beter word or phrase might work better.
--> Third Conversation:
"...live another day, for a distant field we..."
----->I think you meant "for on a distant field."
"...and there fait will..."
----->Firstly, you need a comma (,) after there and, secondly, fait is actually spelled "fate."
"Eyrion answered loudly smiling."
----->I think saying something like "smiling loudly" would fit better.
"No turn and face me now"
----->Comma (,) after "no"
"...into the sun set"
----->The words "sun" and "set" are one.
"to a 14 year old..."
----->The number ought to be written out (you don't have to, but numbers lower than I think 20 are supposed to be written out...)
"The raider ran at Eyrion who had his..."
----->Again with no capitalization of the word "raider"
"...frozen in her foot steps with the..."
----->the words "foot" and "steps" are one.
"...would have some day if not..."
----->The words "some" and "day" are one.
"...we will kill you un-like our last..."
----->A comma or a set of periods (...) might best be placed between "you" and "un-like" to add more emphasis and a better feel of them actually saying this.
--> Fifth Paragraph-ish:
"The bodies pilled..."
----->I think you meant to use the word "piled" here.
"The bodies pilled on the out into the..."
----->I haven't a clue what that meant.
"into the corn field of..."
----->the words "corn" and "field" are one.
"..evil flames, kind that only pure..."
----->I think you forgot to add the word "the" before "kind."
"Eyrion knows little about..."
----->You were in past tense up until this line. I think the correct wording would be "Eyrion knew little about..."
"Marin watched the body's burn for..."
----->The word "body's" shouldn't be possessive or whatever that is. "Bodies."
"...until all the flame had died..."
----->The word flame should be plural.
"He than, returned..."
You ought to use the word "then." Also, get rid of the comma after it.
"He proceeded to his..."
----->You use "he excessively in this paragraph, try altering it with things like (for here as an example) "Proceeding to his.." or "Marin proceeded..."
"He proceeded to his book shelf..."
----->The words "book" and "shelf" are one. Also, I would figure a learned man would have more than one bookshelf.
--> Sixth Paragraph-ish:
"Eyrion sat out side Ben's shop..."
----->The words "out" and "side" are one.
"..on a crate next to Linda who sat..."
----->There should be a comma (,) after Linda.
"The watched the clouds roll..."
----->I'm figuring you forgot the "y" at the end of the first word.
--> Fourth Conversation:
"Linda giggled boyishly running her hands..."
----->I wonder how she's doing both hands if they're sitting next to each other. However, the thing that bothers me most here is that she's a girl and she's boyishly running her hands through his hair.
"Linda laughed hard at Eyrions jester..."
----->Again with switching between using apostrophes (') and not using them. Another thing to wonder is what do you mean by "jester?" Maybe it's jesterings....
"Lind pressed her head onto his shoulder."
----->I'm thinking you mean "laid" or "rested." Pressed makes me think she's putting more than just dead weight on his shoulder.
--> Seventh Paragraph-ish:
"...Marin still in pursue of why..."
----->Try "pursuit" instead of "pursue."
--> Eighth Paragraph-ish:
"Balancing the sword, as he held it out in front of him; grasping the hilt tightly."
----->This has no direction. It's an incomplete sentence.
"The hilt was light; made of copper, it was also short."
----->It's a lot of description, but it jumbled into a rather iffy sentence. Try re-wording it a bit.
"The blade it self was..."
----->The words "it" and "self" are one. You also need to put "itself" in commas.
"..only a foot long, a short sword."
----->Try using a colon ( : ) Instead of a comma (,) here.
"His bow was an average oak long bow..."
----->Average I think of in size in this sense. A word like "regular" or something like that might make it easier to understand.
"He crouched in the weeds and rolled..."
----->I thought he was in wheat...
"For every arrow he hit he..."
----->Comma after "he hit."
"...he moved two feet closer, every time..."
----->Use a semi-colon instead of the comma.
"...every time he missed he moved..." Comma after "missed."
"...this for a very long time until..."
----->This is real vague. Perhaps saying until he got hungry or the sun started to set would be a little more graphic as to the time.
"...he could not see or hear..."
----->I'd use "nor" instead of "or."
"...he could not see or hear nay commotion..."
----->I believe you meant "any."
"He spotted a few rabbit and..."
----->Plural form of rabbit or only one rabbit? Your choice.
"The sun was now starting to set in the east..."
----->I thought the sun set in the west.
"...and house windows lit up..."
----->I believe you should re-word this into something like "and every window lit up" or something.
--> Fifth Conversation:
"Eyrion come here"
----->You should put a comma (,) after "Eyrion."
"What father?"
----->Comma prior to "father." You capitalize "father" if you don't use "my" or "the" or something like that. Also, I thought Eyrion's parents died...
"...hustled to the water hole."
----->I'm wondering about this because it must be close to where they are. Normally, a town has a well and there are troughs of water all over the place. Aside from that, I don't think I would use the term water hole for any of that.
"Eyrion answered skinning the rabbit and throwing..."
----->I thought he had three.
"Ben bite into his salad."
----->Perhaps something like "Ben mused as he bit into his salad" might sound better.
"Father helps me on this day..."
----->I don't believe you should have that "s" on "helps"
"God send me a sign."
----->Comma after "God."
"Ben crossed him self."
----->The words "him" and "self" are one.
"..as he raised form his knees."
----->First off, "form" should be "from." Secondly, "raised" ought to be "rose." And lastly, "As that there are to male subjects in this scene, using a name or kindred off and on can help differentiate between the two.
"You may help but he..."
----->When talking about a god/deity or whatever, you must capitalize the he/she or whatever as if it is their name. Also, should put a comma at a conjuction like this.
"..out to Ben from the table..."
----->I didn't realize that Ben had gone outside until this point.
"You question god?"
----->The word "god" ought to be capitalized.
"...his left eyebrow confusion." You missed adding "in."
"I don't question god, I question you."
----->Again, you should capitalize the word "god."
"...nothing but heart ache..."
----->The words "heart" and "ache" are one.
"question your god I say no."
----->Comma between "god" and "I."
"Eryion stood form the table." Again, "form" vs. "from."
"I choose weather I live..."
----->Weather is like rain or snow. Whether is the one you want to use.
"We all die, weather it is of..."
----->Here too, "weather" vs. "whether."
"...on the battle field."
----->The words "battle" and "field" are one.
"Fine but when die on the..."
----->It should be something like "Fine, but when I die on the..."
"...on the battle field..."
----->Again, "battle" and "field" are one. You need a comma after this as well.
"If you are real give me a sign."
----->Comma between real and give.
"He cried falling onto his feet."
----->That makes no sense. How do you fall onto your feet?
--> Ninth Paragraph-ish:
"...he found the food setting and the rabbit..."
----->The food setting?
"Marin than proceeded to the..."
----->Than vs. then.
"He started s way..."
----->I'm sure you can figure that one out.
"He started s way home from...."
----->I don't see any of Marin's confusion as to where Eyrion has gotten to in any of this.
"...the ground and the light diapered."
----->I'm not sure light can be diapered. Disappeared.
"He thought to him self..."
----->Him and self are one word.
"Marin panicked in his mind."
----->How do you do something like that? Wouldn't he also like sweat or shiver or something?
--> Sixth Conversation:
"My voice what happened"
----->Comma after voice and question mark after happened.
"He panicked."
----->Try using something besides panicked.
"Is this your god's doings Ben?"
----->Comma between doings and Ben. No "s" on doings.
"Wait I'm in school..."
----->Comma after wait.
"What's going on"?"
----->One too many quotation marks.
"...sat back on the ground;..."
----->I didn't realize the school had a dirt floor.
"...list to me Eyrion."
----->Comma between me an Eyrion.
"..control of this land, it is a..."
----->a series of periods (...) would work better here than a comma.
"Love will change their destiny"?"
----->Again with one too many quotation marks.
"You guy's, do you..."
----->No apostrophy in "guy's"
"I have changed I grew these..."
----->Separate this into two sentence or add a semi-colon or conjunction.
"If I may you guys."
----->Comma between may and you.
"If I may...Marin rubbed his left temple."
----->This paragraph of Marin's speech is really jumbled and hard to follow.
"It's a great thing you have; knowledge."
----->Switch a colon for the semi-colon.
"..if more men were like you we would..."
----->Comma between you and we.
"We can't risk it we must go..."
----->Period, series of periods or some such like between it and we.
"Linda quickly saddled a white horse..."
----->I thought Marin saddled three horses all ready. What happened to the other two?
"Why what is west?"
----->Comma between Why and what.
"...into the hills out side the city..."
----->The words "out" and "side" are one.
"Ithica soon came out of their..."
----->How does a city come out of anything if they're leaving it?
"Here Eat"
----->Period between them or some such thing.
"You just took me away form my..."
----->form vs. from.
"...anything but you're self"
----->The words "you're" and "self" are actually "yourself."
"...for I have not given you one..."
----->This seems iffy that someone would actually say it. Try to imagine this as if you were going to say these lines. Would you? In public? Out loud?
"..he did not believe in but he..."
----->Comma between in and but.
"quietly a distance form the house..."
----->Doesn't make a lot of sense.
"he caught him self a fire..."
----->Him and self are one word AND a fire doesn't seem right. On fire?
"...did not believe in fait..."
----->fait vs. fate.
"He ate small amounts of mice; as they passed him..."
----->Firstly, this was tacked on real iffy-like and, secondly, the semi-colon seems out of place.
"...the edge of the forest as the night..."
----->You mention earlier that they were in a scene completely of plains.
"his worthiness to be free". "And this body am..."
That's a little confusing.
"And this body am I stuck..."
----->Comma between body and am or a series of periods...etc.
"...coming from the deep inner forest..." comma between deep and inner.
"The shadow came into site."
----->Site vs. sight.
"...us all, you will die, and it is..."
----->run-on sentence.
"Your master has the other"
----->Master? Eyrion isn't even hitched by this or anything...even after being the one to complain about freedom?
"The voice loathed over Eyrion's..."
----->Did you mean floated?
"But training my grandson it works..."
----->didn't make sense.
"Just stay aware and grandson..."
----->First: aware seems more likely to be away or something. Second, grandson ought to be capitalized when used as a title and placed in commas.
"His grand father turned."
----->The words "grand" and "father" are one.
"Eyrion snarled."
----->Why would he snarl at his own grandfather?
"These bracelets may have power of some people..."
----->Hard to understand.
"His grand father vanished into smoke."
----->Again, "grandfather."
"he reached for it and wore it on his back."
----->I thought he already had a set of these on his back. How could he wear more than one?
Anyway...that's what I caught after musing over it for a long while. I hope you keep going though. The story line is amazing. Oh yes, and I'm still wondering when Rayne and Eyrion meet up...

