is it just me or.....

I generally try not to be pressing but1

2

…why are the walls trying to eat me?3

4

There seems to be no logical explanation for which the walls should be attempting to consume me on this particular day. In fact there seems to be no logical explanation for me to be in this god-forsaken room. This room which seems to have a stage and nothing more, no walls or windows ever made by humane hands.5

6

At first, once I noticed the carnivorous walls, I thought that perhaps this monstrosity was a creation of mine own mind. But as I felt those same walls with mine hand, the pain that flashed up my arm was most definantly of no imagination of mine.7

8

I remember not ever being in this room before, which has a light, menacing as can be at that, and kindly nothing more. I remember not waking from any slumber in this box only to be threatened by those very walls. I remember not how long I have stood here waiting.
So I ask again, why are the walls trying to eat me? Have I truly done something so ungodly as to garner such a fate? For as far as I can see, these demonic walls inching close, each one leering at me with that predatory grin and bloodthirsty look. I know not why this room may be so barbaric but I ask again, and quite innocently I must add, why are those walls trying to eat me?9

10

I have never spoken a word to those walls and I have never threatened them yet they continue to haunt me. How can a wall be attempting to eat me is beyond me, but I know that they will not stop. I have long peered into those shifting terrible walls and they hath showed me nothing. I only feel the hunger of those walls. The walls filled with hunger, pure and base, staring straight at me. Watching my every movement and thought, analyzing and creeping, thinking of the most delicious way to consume me. 11

12

I don’t really think I would be savory but then again I am not a wall. I do not think that I would be able to eat another person but then again I am not a wall. I don’t know why these walls want me. It seems that if they were to consume something I would be quite an unsatisfactory meal, but then again I am not a wall.13

14

I know of no such man which hath ever suffered such a terrible affliction as mine. I hath never heard of the walls attempting to make a meal out of man, but I am only a mortal who is about to be eaten by walls.
For now, as I stand on the centre stage watching those walls shift, I am only assured of one thing.15


16

17

… Cocaine is a hell of a drug.18


Author notes

alwaysrockon

vegan chihuahua

A contest entry

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 41 of 41

  • Lady Pixie Greeters member
    September 23

    Edit | Reply
    This was really good... descriptive and strange.
    There were some grammatical/spelling errors that I'd suggest checking for (or if you need help with them, just let me know and I can give you a more detailed in-depth review to help you correct them). But overall, was a good piece. The ending totally caught me off guard, and the beginning really hooked me. Great work.

    Thanks for entering and being part of the group!

    Pixie


  • seasonsoflove
    September 20
    Edit | Reply
    haha and then I remember why I refuse to do drugs...

    Plot: 4
    Language: 3
    Theme: 4

    Total: 11

    Great work here. Keep it up!! Thanks for entering!!


  • Lies4Truth
    September 16

    Edit | Reply
    In a way i found the end of this amusing and slightly sad. Very descriptive which of course i love. Kinda confusing untill the end which is wonderful in itself. You are a great writer i can already tell I cant wait to read more


  • BlackTide
    September 9

    Edit | Reply
    since you made it as a finalist i read a random section (para. 8) and rated you a 7 (with best as 10), ncie job.


  • BlackTide
    September 7
    Edit | Reply
    OKAY, really GOOD HOOK!


  • rocker4life
    August 29
    Edit | Reply
    good job! It was confusing at first but I got it, so good luck and thanks for entering!


  • Farhan
    August 23
    Edit | Reply

    Goo job!!!

    This was a very good story And i liked it very much. The most importantly, the ending.
    Good luck with the contest.


  • Jack Necron
    August 20

    Edit | Reply
    At first I was like "where is he going with this?" and then this line changed it all:

    Cocaine is a hell of a drug.

    Then I was like "Oh! That makes sense."

    I liked the isolation, paranoia and claustrophobia. There is this sinking feeling throughout the story and it actually makes you somewhat paranoid of the walls around you. There is a sense of insanity in this as well, as if the drug has driven the character mad.

    After seeing the final line, it makes more sense. This drug has consumed his mind, causing him to hallucinate. And with something like Cocaine I can imagine it would, after seeing what it does to people. I also liked that you made the walls a monster all in it's own, as if they were living and breathing.

    Once again, you have something different here.


  • Para Turkey gold member
    August 19

    Edit | Reply

    :)

    it was good but it wasn't a funny story well if it was I didnt get it, I get the idea of the drugs and that well it was kinda funny anywho great job and good luck


  • MusicOfTheNight9
    August 10

    Edit | Reply

    laugh, a little

    the end was funny but the rest wasn't really, oh well the end was super funny. Thanks for entering!

    CreaterSk8er


  • shtwyturtle
    August 9
    Edit | Reply
    Thank you for entering this contest.


  • Jason Pulcher
    August 4
    Edit | Reply
    The last line was humorous, but beyond that this wasn't anything great.


  • Clary--Selene--Tayy gold member
    August 1

    Edit | Reply
    lol, yes cocaine is a very bad retarded thinga ma bobbity gigy bye yeah really good and it was funny


  • hsmlover1
    July 26

    Edit | Reply
    Well done very confusing at the start which made me sort of board of your story but as soon as i got into it: it all came together and made a very humorous story

    Well done and good luck in my contest

    HSM


  • LilMsHyper17
    July 25

    Edit | Reply
    He was on cocaine?? I would've NEVER guessed, you made the guys sound like he needed to be locked away in a nice padded cell!
    AWESOMENESSS!!!!
    HyperActiveFREAK17
    &&
    WHISPY! My little lovable kitteh!


  • keepItLit9109
    July 24
    Edit | Reply
    I love this :-)
    The entire story you lead the reader to believe that perhaps he's insane. I hadn't even thought of drugs. Nicely done.


  • EyeOfTheBlizzard
    July 23
    Edit | Reply
    Lol wow this was good. Cocaine lol, that would do it to you. At first I thought he was insane but drugs makes perfect sense. Lol. Nice job.

  • Kismet Krazy
    July 22

    Edit | Reply
    Hahahahahaha nice. I LOVED the ending. xD It was extremely random and made me laugh out loud. haha. This was an awesome story. xD I do hope the walls quit trying to eat you. awesome story. haha.

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.


  • KaitieTheCheeto
    July 13

    Edit | Reply
    Ending = Epic.
    Haha, I am sorry the walls are trying to eat you. xD
    BAD WALLS. *punishes them*
    Good job and good luck!!
    ~Kaitie


  • Aerwiya
    June 27
    Edit | Reply
    Ah! I would love to congratulate you on a brilliant beginning. The second sentence of this was—oh my gosh, enough to get me to finish the entire thing. At first I totally thought this person was in an insane asylum, well, the ending threw me for a loop. Keep up the writing!


  • Crys Moro
    June 25

    Edit | Reply
    LOL!!! Great one!! very well written, full of details, and a twisted ending...great!!

  • Adinatak
    June 17

    Edit | Reply
    The second and last lines did make me giggle. Great ending, I'll make sure to stay away from cocaine.

  • DeathByChocolate
    June 17
    Edit | Reply
    Awesome


  • try2changeme
    June 17
    Edit | Reply
    Very good. Most of it was very descriptive, but the last line mostly caught my eye. great piece.


  • Marisalyn13
    June 14
    Edit | Reply
    very good. its different, and i like it!!! finalist list!!! thanks for entering, and good luck!!!!


  • LynksTryforceGurl
    June 11

    Edit | Reply
    okay this was definateley a creative piece...i did not expect that ending at all. good job and good luck in my contest!

  • felanor
    June 7

    Edit | Reply
    Interesting take on what cocaine can do to ones mind. I definitely didn't see the ending coming as it did. Definitely confused just a little when I started off. I was like, "Are the walls literally trying to eat him, or is it a metaphoric fear of small places?"

    But now, with the explanation of cocaine, it all clears it up!

    Thanks for entering the contest and good luck!

    ~Felanor


  • Violette silver member
    May 26

    Edit | Reply
    Oh god, that is so creepy funny. I understand why it can fit under two categories. Yes, it does suit horror better though, very well, thanx for entering. I really enjoyed this, most amusing. Bit hard to understand at the beginning though.


  • BigSouth
    May 24

    Edit | Reply
    oh my freaking gosh...thats is creepy...and messed up! lol
    ^_^
    i was totally confused to begin with..but cocaine totally cleared it up! lol

    nice write!


  • sanctuaryWHiTE
    May 24
    Edit | Reply

    Good

    Good read! A few mistakes in grammar and such, but it still kept on. Kinda confused me for a while, but then I read the end and started laughing at my stupidity xD. Awesome read, and keep on writing!


  • whoudini
    May 24

    Edit | Reply

    Thought this was very good

    Although I saw a few mistakes in spelling and punc, it did not take the reader off from what you knew what might be coming, the punchline. I would point them out but they have already been pointed out below and so I will just say it was very good and keep on writing. I felt like I never wanted to go into a room again and slept outside on covered porch swing than I thought maybe I will not take those drugs for pain either. Will be sure to see what other writings you have in store. Thanks a good read.


  • Rose Hathaway
    May 23

    Edit | Reply

    Judges Comment

    Good job. I was going to say that this person needs a mental hospital but then the ending cleared it up a little.


  • LilMsHyper17
    May 23
    Edit | Reply
    OMG THE WALLS ARE GOING TO EAT US ALL!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

    • alwaysrockon
      May 23
      Edit | Reply
      damn the walls, damn them to be eaten by other walls

      btw what did you think of the story in terms of fluidity and other stuff?


  • Mag the Chodja gold member
    May 20

    Edit | Reply

    Ah does it for teh lulz~

    Lmfao.
    Nice.

    I mean, not only is the concept and progression lulzworthy, but that punchline was awesome. I saw drug use coming from the beginning, but somehow lost the thought as the story continued. Then - bam! - "Ah do c-c-cocaine~"

    You have some issues with punctuation. That's really all I saw. Your usage of 'hath' is a bit out of place, but it works.

    Here are some corrections that I picked up on:
    p7 - "defiantly"
    Do you mean 'definitely'?

    p9 - The first two sentences can be combined. Replace the '.' with a ',' and lowercase the 'Which', unless you want two separate sentences. In which case, you can do away with the 'Which'.

    p11 - "...eat me is beyond me but I know..."
    There should be a comma after 'me'.

    p13 - "...quite a unsatisfactory meal but..."
    'a' should be 'an' and there should be a comma after 'meal'.
    And...actually, a few of those sentences need a comma before 'but'. xD *just noticed*

    p15 - "For now as I stand..."
    Should be, "For now, as I stand on the center stage, watching those walls shift, I am only assured of one thing."

    Fairly funny, weird, and random. xD
    Thanks for entering, and good luck in the contest. ^^


  • His.Golden.Eyes
    May 12
    Edit | Reply
    Haha, funny!

    • alwaysrockon
      May 12
      Edit | Reply
      cool
      but was there anything good or bad about it? like can i get a critique or helpful criticism please .

      • His.Golden.Eyes
        May 12
        Edit | Reply
        Not that I noticed..I've never taken drugs, but I know that the people who take them normally get delusional, so I am guessing that is right. I did not notice any misspelt words, but I never really notice those types of things in the first place, so i'm not sure about that.


  • MJs-Angel
    April 21
    Edit | Reply
    Wow. I love the use of words and the vivid feelings you bring acorss to the reader and I love the ending part. It brings out so much truth, yet so much horrow as you classified it. Maybe you can expand this into a full-out story. About a girl addicted to drugs or something!

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