Forgotten

Growing up, life was never a fairy tale. It was heartbreaking and lonely, and accusations were passed out on a silver tray. It often got pathetic but thats what families are for. After living with a family like mine, you tend to look over the good things. I never believed in marriage, love, the ridiculous idea behind having children. We were here to learn, work and make money. That was about it. School was just one big test to get into the world, i had my friends but they were never really that important to me.
College wa a strange word to me, it never felt right coming out of my mouth. How could i pretend to be so passionate about a certain one thing that i would dedicate myself to it. Not like i could afford it anyways. I could get in on a scholarship if i wanted to, but i couldnt be bothered. We dont go to school more than we have to. We dont become doctors or scientists or teachers. We went on making our way to the working world only to retire and die alone and be forgotten about before we even went cold. Lovely outlook, i know.
My mom had ran off with some guy when we were little. My dad was beyond a deadbeat. We took care of each other, we were all that mattered. This was the only form of love i knew. I was the middle child. I had an older brother and a younger sister. She was only nine and still believed in the purity of the world. Fairies hiding behind every corner. Daddy loved us, he was just always tired. If he hit us, it was because we were just playing. Everything was good and pure in her eyes, and i was desperate to show her the way it really was, but she would find out soon enough. My older brother, he was more of the "sex, drugs, and rock'n'roll" type. He either didnt care anymore, or was so strung out that it just appeared that way. I gave up trying to talk to him about the boy i liked, or the girl whos ass i desperately wanted to kick. We got together over ciggarettes and stale cereal. We werent that poor, we just preferred it that way. Or maybe we had just gotten used to it. Being in the middle, everything was either my fault, my responsibility, or i was invisible. It mostly was the latter. I could sleep inside the apartment reaking of pot and beer, and no one would even turn their head. I tried to clear up before running into Lexy, but god knows shed find a way to justify it.
I came home after "work" and went directly into my room and locked the door. Cracking opent the window i relit my joint from this morning. I didnt have a job anymore. I got fired for not being happy enough. I should sue Kevins ass for dicrimmination. It took forever for the poison to race through my system, numbing me from the inside out. Here come the spiders, tingling your arms. Here comes the sanity. I was just about ready to give up on everything. It was taking more and more to numb me these days, i needed something stronger. Bigger. Deadly. I thought of myself shooting up air. I had to laugh. Just like that. Once it started, i couldnt stop it. An endless world of laughter.
I left my bedroom and entered a world that was completely and utterly empty. Shocking, really. Jay probably was out at some party, and god knows where Lexy went, most likely out back to watch the sun or air or leaves or something.Or possibly somewhere out with "dad". I was constantly being left alone, by one person or another. I couldnt even remember if "dad" even lived with us anymore. He showed up occaisonally to pay the bills so we wouldnt be on the street, and wasted no time in making himself out to be the next jesus or something. The cupboards were empty, except for a box of oatmeal and a container of applesauce. Neither of which, i would eat willingly. Screw this. If everyone ele was leaving, i sure as hell wasnt going to be the only one here.
Alissas house was jumping. Literally. Bass screamed to the windows, people crammed in, out and around the house. It wassnt the type of party that you needed an ivite to. You just showed up randomly.