Thie piece is dedicated to my cousin Andrew.1
His face bandage face...the face of a pointless war.2
Hospital bed moves a couple times and hour to prevent him from getting bed sores.3
He'll be fit for a glass eye tomorrow and they say that his left hand might be able to be saved.4
His father was a marine.5
So was his uncle's memory.6
Finalized in Viet Nam jungles7
glorified in the marble of a memorial.8
He's gotta make this country proud.9
Doing o the only way he knows how------tightly laced combat boots and a matching M16.10
Gonna protect freedom. But doesn't yet know what it means11
Confuse by pentagon podium propaganda, painting Mecca Red, White, and Blue.12
Taking turbans like scalps cause, he hasn't lost faith in the stars and strips that wrap around his thin nineteen year old arms.13
But the freedom has been compromised---by US foot prints, trappling over the homes of Iraqi children; who also believe that the boogie man exist. But not under beds----he's over roof tops.14
As Andrew marches trough the streets of Bagdahd, individuality in graved on dogtags.15
Just a nineteen year old kid, tryna straighten out his life. 16
Now caught between the fire of both sides.17
The buk buk of AKs aimed right at him.18
He doesn't know why they want to kill him,19
he doesn't know why they want him dead.20
But he's a marine-he's gotta protect our "freedom"21
Our freedom to get richer off the weak...22
Our freedom to pay a dollar and fifty fucking cents less at the gas pump!23
He misses home. 24
Feels the only way there is through Iraqi lives25
Buk buk the few26
Buk buk the proud27
Buk buk the Marines28
BUK BUK29
When the explosion went off,30
they said that he was one of the lunky ones.31
Most of the shrapmetal hit is lower body.32
Only took out an eye and half his face.33
He'll be fit for a glass eye tomorrow...34
And they said that his left hand might 35
be able to be saved.36
Sore throat claims fluent speech,37
as he struggles to ask his family if we're still proud.......38
And we just want to know if he still look like Andrew.
Author notes
JUst a little miffed because someone felt the need to "correct" me about calling america a shit hole. Well, I'm not corrected. Right now this country is the pits. I don't give a fuck about this so call freedom or anything. Living somewhere else aint gonna change much. I've lived in different cultures. I've seen the "worst" condition I've carried my own water from a well. So if I say that america is fucked up right now, that because I know. I don't need to tour in the military ( side stepping the fact that my dad is a retired general) to know "how good i've got it". People say that I'm ungrateful. 
Damn right I'm ungrateful. I'm ungrateful for losing people I care about the most because of this damned war. I'm ungrateful to see my uncles' pictures up on the wall with a candel contantly lit in hope of their safe return...only to be blown out. Yea I'm ungrateful with the way things are in this country and I don't say the pledge nor am I porud to be an american. Because at the end of the day what the fuck has the stars and stripes given to me?...besides folded flags and a broken heart.
("')('...')("')
In a list
A contest entry
- Wow Me! by vamplover22907.
100 points, ended May 9, 18 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
An honest opinon. If you can't leave a real coment , then don't. :(
Comments
-
This was good.
That was so true. I have to agree with your {A/N}, all government suck though. There isn't a good thing, because we're all selfish peeps so we try to destroy others to raise ourselves bt then we're the ones that end up hurt.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
-
I think this is excellent. There is a certain element of anger and despair in it, and it's very cleverly worded. The rhythm and flow work well. One thing I would suggest, purely for the sake of making it more "perfect" is check for typing errors. Although on the whole it was very well done, with no irritating spelling errors, you made a few mistakes, such as "lunky" rather than lucky, which confused me for a moment and drew me out of the poem slightly. However, it was great work, and I hope so much that things get better. Luck be with you, and great work. Keep writing, you have an excellent flaire for it.
~luck~
Adding your comment:
