“Why do we trust blindly?” he mused, confusedly bitter. “Because we’ve been taught that such an act, a leap of faith, is beautiful, noble. But is it really?”1
“Yes,” she replied, instinctively defensive.2
Raising an eyebrow, skeptical, he sighed, “Right.”3
“Because,” she continued, annoyed at having been interrupted, “those who believe in something for a reason have found a… connection to… a higher being, a force.”4
“Like God?”5
“Yeah,” she agreed, nodding, “or love.”6
“Aren’t they supposed to be the same thing?”7
“What? God and love?”8
“MmHmm. That’s what I was told in Theology class anyway.”9
“Well, it’s kind of a nice thought, don’t you think?” she asked, challenging him to think beyond the barrier of his doubts.10
“Yeah…” he replied, guardedly, as if hesitant to reveal too much of his soul, perhaps, she thought, afraid to admit that he had failed to conquer his humanness. “But then what is love? A force that watches over us, refraining from interfering in our sinful activities so as to allow us to retain our free will, to suffer, to die…” 11
“Look,” she breathed as he lapsed into a silent contemplation of his own words. “I don’t know anything, really. I don’t assume to be right. I’m just saying what I understand, and feel, to be true. A lot of this has been evoked within me from feeling by experience, if that makes any sense. It’s instinct more than reason. It’s what I can’t explain, but I feel is right.”12
Slowly, rhythmically, his head bobbed up and down, in sync with his thoughts. “No, I get it. I’m not what you think I am, though,” he murmured, head bowed in his confession. “I’m not an atheist, because I can’t not believe. I’m incapable. I don’t know if it’s because I’m weak, unable to go on if I don’t think I’ve got some guardian up there looking out for me, promising an afterlife, something more after this. I don’t know if I could deal with anything if I thought I didn’t matter, that I was ephemeral, fleeting, pointless, some sort of freaking puppet of Fate. I don’t want to fear death. I want acceptance. I just want to understand! I want truth! But we can never know. Can we? Never. It’s driving me crazy, how frustrating it is to be human.”13
A contest entry
- Entice me by Token Massacre.
525 points, ended April 29, 7 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Religion by Doors.
100 points, ended July 4, 19 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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It was straight to the point!
I love how it was straight to the point. And because it was it just made it even better. Little more detail on the characters maybe? ^-^ Other than that I really enjoyed it. -
This was an easy read, which judges always like. I liked this, I liked how it got to the point.
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this is a great piece, i liked how you presented your point and it came across strong. it was a pleasure to read! keep up the great work, i liked it a lot!!!! ^^
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i'm not sure if there's such a word "humanness"... maybe you can check it out? i find it a weird word. anyway i like what you point out in this story, its something most people think about but dont write down. interesting. nice(:
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You've got some punctuation problems with your dialogue, this tends to throw off the flow of what you're trying to say because we're not sure what's a part of what.
for example
“Why do we trust blindly?” he mused, confusedly bitter, “Because we’ve
Since you have a question mark which clearly finishes the first thought. and you have a comma after bitter which puts his musing with the second part of the dialogue you would have a capital for the 'he' normally this would be as is except for the comma after bitter.
if you put the fullstop after bitter yet leave the 'because' capitalized it would fix that situation completely. (you do this repeately through the story)
I like the concept you're going for. I think you could use a bit more background on the characters though. Double check this and i'll check back by the end of the contest.
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