Break the Reflection

I'm so fucking sick of being myself,
or rather not being anybody else.
Having everything i do be astoundingly not-great while having to marvel at peoples work around me, listening to the oohhs and awws, and emitting some noises of wonder myself.
Cause despite my green-eyed envy, their just that good.1

I'm so tired of doing the best i can and still sucking,
like i can never live up to anybodys expectiations, be quite up to the par,
always a hair out of place.
It hurts to understand that all you'll ever be is mediocre. Unsignificant.
Knowing your just one of those filler people. There to take up space, like clouds fill up a empty sky. Insubstantial and of no consequence or meaning.
Dim and dull comared to the warmth of the sun and brilliance of the stars.2

I'm so sick of hating myself and everything i do,
of never ever matching up,
of looking around me and comparing myself to every fucking person i meet,
and even though i know i'll always find that they're somewhere high above me, each time the realization dips me lower into the ground.3

i'm just so fucking tired of reaching for the sky,
hands clawing at the far-away cold blue untill they bleed from beating on the ceiling,
crying and screaming and jumping,
but no matter what i do i'll stay at ground level, my roots buried deep within the hard earth.
I'll never be one of those beautiful stars.4

Most of all, i'm just so sick of looking in the mirror and wishing that it wasnt me in the reflection.