If you had to choose the most beautiful thing in the universe, what would it be? Something perfect? Something natural? Something free of sin?1
This story begins with me, looking at a photo of what I consider the most beautiful thing ever.2
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A large, heavy hand hit the back of my head, knocking my glasses askew.4
"Yo dork face, whatcha lookin' at?"5
Straightening my glasses, I turned to my assailant and replied, "Saturn."6
"Saturn? What a dumb thing to look at! Hey everybody, Olivia here is looking at SATURN!"7
I sighed as the lunchroom exploded with laughter and returned to my book. 'This is not how I wanted my life to turn out,' I thought to myself. Sighing once again, I gathered my schoolbooks and set off towards my next class.8
The rest of the day went by without incident, and before I knew it I was on my way home. After 20 minutes of walking, I turned into our driveway and used the backdoor key to get in. I knew my mother would be asleep, so I tiptoed past her bedroom and quietly set my book bag down on the kitchen counter. I then proceeded to make myself my usual peanut butter sandwich, go to my room, and get on the Internet. I surfed my favorite poetry websites for hours, and finally I got up and went to the grocery.9
Once I got home I started on dinner. As I was preparing the chicken to be fried, my 4 year old sister ran into the room. 10
"Hi Ivia!" she whispered to me.11
"Hi baby. How was your day?"12
"Great. Today, we had show and tell at day care and you know what I showed and telled?" She looked at me, waiting for me to guess.13
"I don't know . . . your picture book?" I said, thinking of her new obsession.14
"No, silly! I took in the dolly you made me."15
At this, I stopped breading the chicken and looked down at Jo. Her face was so happy, and her smile so warm and friendly. I smiled back and hugged her tight. I picked her up and set her on the counter.16
"How was your day?"17
"Oh . . ." my voice trailed off. I didn't know how to satisfy her curiosity and still make my day sound interesting. "It was good. We dissected frogs in science today." I smiled as she started making exaggerated puking noises.18
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When dinner was finished cooking, I woke up my mother and gave her some ibuprofen to relieve her of her headache. We all sat down at the table and ate our dinner in silence. When it was all over, my mother went out to play bingo and I put Jo to bed. After reading her a story and kissing her goodnight, I went into my room and began to get ready for bed. As soon as I was about to turn off the light, I heard a knock at my bedroom door. 20
"Jo? Are you okay, sweetie?"21
She came in with her hands behind her back.22
"Whatcha got there?" I asked.23
She came and sat at the foot of my bed and gave me a chocolate cupcake and a small gift wrapped in brightly colored tissue paper. 24
"I made the cupcake with my Easy-Bake oven. And the present I made for you at day care. My teacher helped me."25
I smiled at her as I opened the little present and I gasped as I saw a little picture frame that was obviously made by a young child. Inside the frame was a picture of Jo and I. I looked up at her and smiled. 26
"Thank you so much, Jo." 27
"You're very welcome. Can I have a bite of your cupcake?"28
I broke off a little piece and gave it to her. She ate it all at once, and then got up. 29
"I'm going back to bed now. Goodnight."30
"Goodnight, baby," I replied.31
As she was closing the door, she looked back into my room and said, "Ivia?"32
"Hmmmm?"33
"Happy birthday."34
Author notes
Chapter 2 will be up soon! I know it doesn't seem like a crime story yet, but we'll get there.
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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Beautiful
It's heartfelt, beautifully touching. You can almost see jo's innocence, her happiness, her admiration for her older sister. I'm interested to see how this is going to turn into a crime story, off to read more! -
Very sensitive write and I thoroughly enjoyed the touching tale. You have the makings of one heck of a writer and I shall click next as instructed to see what you have composed.
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Awwwww this was so cute! I liked it alot and have the same questions that Carbon Made has. Excellent story and i cant wait to read more!
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This whole poem was beautifuly written and to think you finaly get to hear one where to sisters get along like a perfect fitting glove - you went from being toutured at school back home to be shown true love by your little sister awsome rite..
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that was the cutest story ever. i love it. i have to go read more. this is very very very good. you did an excellent job making the characters realistic for their ages, like the sister "guess what i showed and telled" and the mother needing ibuprofin and going out for bingo. it was just so awesome. nice job. keep up the good work.
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hey this is awesome! you have clear talent and a great use of vocabulary. sorry i havent commented recently, im rarely on this site but im trying to get back into it. anyway, continue the story and excercise your gift of the written word ^^
-karmelle -
Yes, your questions will be answered, but I am very glad you asked them because this helps me decide what the next chapter should be about. I'm glad you like my story, and I certainly hope you keep up with it. The way I am planning it, it could be kinda long . . . but be sure to read the next chapter when it is up. I will try to answer your questions. Thanks!
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Aww that was really cute. The whole 'asking for a bite of the cupcake I just gave you' was so perfectly little kid, good job. =) But, I'm curious now, what's wrong with her mother, where is her father and why Saturn? I'm sure these will all be answered, but I just can't stop myself from asking.
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