Always A Time For Friends

"Heart Breaking, Breaking heart1

It's such a lonely sound2

That cries for the need of someone3

But there's no one around4

Nobody here to hold5

No one to warm the cold6

That lies deep within my soul7

All around, just the sound of the8

Rain Falling, Fallin Rain9

Like gentle tears of pain10

That comes with my only friend11

It's the gently falling rain"12

Reba McEntire " Rain Fallin"13

Out from the center of my bench-laid a white block spotted pigeon. She rested upon the red colored bricks. Her beak nestled in her chest- resting after a long day, and journey! The wind casually swept through my hair. I startled the pigeon as I gently moved my legs-to be more comfortable with the bench. The Canadian flag laid lazy attached to the pole, swaying in the wind through the sun. I looked at the flag with an humbled admiration. Canada is everything the United States wished it could be- and Mexico holds the soul, and culture we so desperately search, and long for.14

The pigeon wakes up from her nap. Breathes In everything around her- though she validates more life than/then all that she surrounds. With a hesitance-she perks up her beak, and lifts her bodie to the sky. Maybe she's off to rest in the trees...that surround the park- or maybe she's off to a far away lover.15

There's a note in the front of my cherished pink back pack- that I carry every where I go. Unless I go to the art museum, or Jefferson Building- then I have to leave my bag in the CLOAK ROOM. The note reads as follows:16

TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN:17

Hopefully I am dead- after18

I drank the glue.19

If it possible- maybe my notebooks can be20

given to my friends21

to be published-22

after I am dead!23

(I give off a list of names- who lay important24

to me-though their names at this time25

are not important to this particular STORY!26

Which you are now reading. Also their reads 27

"call them after noon o'clock- they enjoy their time to sleep)28

If at all I like to be 29

Buried in Pittsburgh-30

you can get a hold of My trust through31

the idiot bank- HUNTINGTON BANK-32

they maybe able to help financially!33

i like the album "I am the greatest" by A House to be played at my34

funeral- that no one one will come to!35

If anything burn my bodie-36

place the ashes in the pacific37

ocean!38

thank you much,39

Joesph Kinsinkia40

With all that ills this beloved world of ours- I love to throw more wood to the fire, and commence my own ABSURD SUICIDE! If life was meant to be lived, we(all species-even other then human) wouldn't be living at all.41

A great sadness over took my being-and I became intoxicated as I was walking. The sun illuminated the sky-like the yellow hot giant breast that she is. 42

I closed my eyes for a nano-second, and fell back into the emergency room. I was tied to the bed with scars all up- and down my chest,arms, legs and head. I lay like a wounded horse, ready to be shot.43

The Dr. talked on the phone-44

"There's nothing more we can do." he said with a departing sigh. "Mr. Kinsinkia......would you like to see them now?"45

I layed quiet for what seemed forever. Then with a gulp I said in a hallow breath " If they are prepared!"46

I titled my head towards the window-I began to cry as I saw a rainbow, underneath there was a girl playing basketball. Which always layed as a fond moment between Lynn and myself....................................47

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One day en route to the mall- or it could have been on the way back?!? we came upon this girl playing basketball in her yard. she was all alone, no one around her. No one- not a single person even watching her. I didn't even see a car parked in the garage. I searched the windows of the house, from the car. In hope I would fin a mother/father. Even a sister/brother. Though I couldn't find anyone. Though the girl seemed to be having fun, and a joy playing with that basket ball. Even though I saw no one watching, we did- and Lynne and myself were having a ball with her from the call we sat in across the street.51

"AH-Joy!" lamented Lynne with her golden smile. "That was me when I was a child!"52

"Those were the days." I said also in reflection, and remembrance.53

" Ya- i want to go out there and show her- and play ball with her." quailed Lynne54

" Go out there!" I insisted looking at her smiling at the girl. I pushed her shoulder- though all she did was turn around and give me "that look"! I knew not to push again. She turned her eyes back towards the girl playing with the basketball. I was enamoured, and intoxicated with this entire moment. My eyes shifted ever so gently between the girl, and Lynne. The more I glared upon the girl, and Lynne I became ever more broken in my intoxication. It was a slight pain, though hope that I began to bury in the deepest horizons of my beating, and palpating heart.55

"Go out there!" I said again with a gentle laugh.56

"No..." she said quickly revolving her head to me bludgeoning me with her eyes, then softly turning her head back to the girl with an ease and angelic grace.57

" Well-" I began to say as she shrugged her shoulders, her head resting upon the window- her face pushed into the glass leaving herself little room to breathe." You'll have kids of yer own one day!"58

"YA!" she softly laughs as her eyes drift back towards me. "...if I adopt....and that's a big if!" she turns back towards the girl her eyes moving with the ball.59

" You will have kids." I said60

"Oh Joseph-" Lynne says with her eyes still moving with the girl, and ball. Her forehead layed into the window. "SO you think!' she crooned. "So you think!"61

"Well...." i began to say as she interrupted my verbiage.62

" The most of kids I shall, and will have is the kids we have.." Lynne says as she pulls away from the girl and twists her bodie back towards my eyes. "...and that we share! In what we have with Mae and Marie-and you can be a big kid yer self!" She states as she looks at me with her smile, and we both share a laugh-hysterically.63

" Ya- I am a child!" I said with an humbled acknowledgment.64

" I know...." she says with a laugh, slapping my shoulder. "I'm never wrong." With that we drove on our way...................................65

There I laid tied on the hospital bed, they all filed in. Some were in black, all with sadden looks on their face- unhappy that this could be our last meeting. They all just reached their 20's, and I was facing my 30's. It was a rare scattered, tear felt sobering moment.66

"My apologies for the way I look today-I'm a bit under the weather...." I said with a laugh contorted by a cough.67

" You have nothing to be apologetic for." naively said Mae cried.68

" YES I DO!" I said with tears , and a cough. " I didn't want it to get this far! I never meant to scare any of you-I was just down n my luck."69

" We all have our own moments." said Stacy with tears. "..and this was one yours!"70

The room erupts into a shared shower of laughter-between sniffles, and tears.71

" You all lay so golden to me...." I cried. "YOU ALL LAY SO GOLDEN!"72

Without hesitance Lynne walks over and grabs my hand, and squeezes it ever so gently.73

"It's been to long-my wife!" i quietly say74

"Oh husband, YES IT HAS!" Lynne says. "..but everything will be OK."75

"IT CAN ONLY GET BETTER!" says Marie with a smile.76

" Very true!" I say in concurrence and a smile to Marie. " VERY TRUE! Hey Lynne?"77

"Yes Joseph?" says Lynne with her angelic trademark smile.78

"Look outside the window..." I say 79

"I did!" exclaimed Lynne clenching my hand in her sombering/sobering fist. "I saw it- and it was beautiful!"80

"No!" I say with a cough spitting up blood. "Look again!" I point to the window with our hands still laying within each other. "DO YOU SEE HER?"81

"SEE WHO?"  says Lynne with some distraction. "I'm not sure?!?" continues Lynne as she stares out the window with our hands melted into each other. "oh wait- I know- YES I SEE HER!" she says as she sits back on the bed, next to me. " I went over, and showed her some of my basketball moves!"82

" I'm sure she enjoyed it." I said83

"See who?" questions Mae as she stands in front of the window blocking my view. 'WHAT THE DEVIL ARE YOU TWO TALKING ABOUT?"84

" Mae- will you please move over to the side- your blocking Joseph view of the window." says Lynne85

"Yes MOM!" says Mae as she moves to the side. 86

" Never disobey yer mother!" I say with a laugh- as Mae and Marie grab a hold of my other hand. 87

" YES DAD!" Marie and Mae say in unison.88

"Muck-Muck-Muck!" I say as Mae, Marie and myself laugh in our delight.89

"I don't get that?" says Lynne.90

" You don't need to!" I said with a smile. "Though it was good that you went out to play with the girl...and it was nice  of you all to come and visit." I close my eyes from the window- rest my head upon Lynne's forearm. Lynne kisses my forehead, and softly whispers " There is no end!" As everyone files out back into the hall.91

The pigeon never did come back to rest upon the bricks. I have looked for her everyday. Maybe she got smart, and left the are. Maybe she found some long lost lover- and is shacked up with some eggs in some tree. Though I will never forget the moment- she rested with me that lazy summer day. her eyes looked at me with a wisdom that layed beyond words- and the beauty of life and love itself. Though I still look for her- keeping some bread for her in place of the suicide note that I burned, and returned  the note to ash.92