The words she had uttered make perfect sense once said, left hanging in the air like this. Shattering the silence she had created around her as she let her intentions be known Left for me to ponder them; it makes me want to join her. This world is pointless. It really is a shithole. I see her point, just like always, but I'd never follow her into that realm. Would I?1
I stand there. Uncertain. I can feel her pain, it washes over me, filling me with thoughts and emotions I can't explain. The screams of her tortured soul echo through my mind. Her eyes look so empty now; the tears are falling shamelessly.2
So close to the edge. But she foolishly reached back, a natural reflex, her body's last resort: reaching for my hand. Why? Why did I pull her to the brink of reason. She wants to go. Now she's broken down. She couldn't talk, so she came to me. We're not even friends really, but in this kind of situation, nothing matters anymore. Her eyes catch mine now, questioning me. Asking me.3
Should I let go? Can I?4
Can I pull her back? Should I?5
---6
Would you feel guilty for saving someones life? ... If they wanted to die.7
How can you know it might not have been better for them to go on? To whatever's next. Heaven? Hell? Whatever you believe in. It doesn't matter in the and, but shortening someone's route, their path- that can be world changing. Say some mass murdering bastard had gone early, as an innocent. Some who are dead now would not be, different people would walk this earth maybe. Children of those people who might have been parents.8
Can you not see? Our whole society is so intricate, so fragile. The same idea goes for peace makers, dictators, anyone really. We all have potential. To love, to harm, to kill, to die.9
Life saving, saving lives: surely it's not something to brush over lightly, or to praise, to celebrate.10
It hit me so hard, when you look them in the eye and the despair and lack of hope has driven them to the edge, you can see that, feel it. When the only thing they understand is the constant thrum of pain and all they hear is the call of death. They want to go, to leave. The 'easy route out'.11
Do you let them?12
When you hold their life in your hands. Is it wrong to feel confused. To encourage them, to wish them luck. If you let them go, they'd probably be happier... there.13
Or will you hold them back?14
Stop them. Keep them in this world. Make them see it through... Is that right? Is that fair? Justified? Do you have any right to get involved? Would you think you're playing hero or something, saving a life. You can't play around with other peoples lives.15
But we do.16
We do.17
---
And now? As she looks at me. Giving up. Patheticaly lost. I have to make the choice. Do I let her go, or bring her back.18
A few words will decide it all.19
Push or pull.20
Which ever I choose will matter little to her once she's followed through. This moment will antagonise me for the rest of my life. I will question myself to what is right.21
I have seconds to decide. I need years. Millennia. One person cannot hold this burden: surely not. I look into her eyes.22
And I decide what I will do...
---23
That was the first time I saved a life. I am still unsure. Maybe I have sentenced her to a lifetime of pain that she could have avioded if I'd let her go. I will never know.24
Saving a life is, in its own way, as hard as taking one.
Young children dream of being a hero. But how do we know if it's not the mass-murdering villains who are the saints.25
Then again. Maybe it's only me who needs saving.26
From myself.27
You try and decide.28
Author notes
Yes. This happened to me. I had to write it down at the time. The mix of feelings were horrible, I became depressed. I found it the other day and decided to type it up. The italics are mainly what I wrote at the time. Experience has added to these ideas since. I'd like to know what you make of it.
A contest entry
- Play with your emotions by tonialoise.
220 points, ended May 14, 24 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Lifetime Experiences by MsAlee.
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Honorable mention
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Comments
1 - 23 of 23
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I found this to be a very strong, very forceful and very emotional piece of writing.
The fact you need to question yourself over what you did was right or wrong just shows how emotional this subject, the saving of a life, actually is.
To me, if someone wishes to commit suicide I would need to know why. I very much doubt they would be able to tell me at the time due to their emotions overriding all logical thoughts.
You ask some difficult questions here, questions which cannot really be answered because I don't think there is a right or a wrong decision.
The trouble is, if someone commits suicide, they cannot change their mind afterwards, it's too late.
I noticed some small stuff that needs fixing:
para 1 - sence = sense
para 2 - tourtured = tortured
para 4 - Should I let go,can I? = Should I let go? Can I?
para 21 - follwed = followed
para 22 - Millenias = Millenniums OR Millennia
para 25 - Taking a life is in its own way is hard as taking one. = Taking a life is, in its own way, as hard as taking one.
para 25 - villins = villains
This is a very thought-provoking read which leaves as many questions as it does answers.
Very well done
This is also a hoodwink
Lawrie
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hey, thanks for the comment a hoodwink too! yay
and thanks for spotting the typos, damn dyslexia ^^
and if you found it thought provoking then i've done my job
thanks again -
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You did your job!
It was thought provoking and you did a wonderful job
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Beautifully written. I do wonder how you came to be the one saving this person's life. I also wonder if this is how many doctors feel when saving someone who has attempted suicide.
I like how you separated the ideas from past in italics with what you have brought from it as regular font.
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thankyou. I'm not sure myself. I just seem to attract people with problems.. even complete strangers. It's weird, but I'm fine with it now. I just try and help how I can.
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I have also experienced "saving a person's life" (I see it more as just helping through rough spots) and seen both outcomes. One person I "saved" has had only a slightly better life since that day, but is still filled with pain years later and sometimes I wonder if theywouldn't have been better off. Another, I think has had a better quality of life since and so I don't feel so bad about that one. Like you said, it would take years to really decide and know if you should.
I noticed some typos, but as I'm focusing on emotional things now I won't point them out. If you want to know what they are IM me and I'll get back to you with them later.
Really, I could feel in this how much pain you were going through. Nice emotional piece.
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thanks and you know what i mean then. yeah it;s hard i guess. It's just i've always read in books wen the hero makes their first kill and have a hard time thinking over it... well what about the opposite?
more typos?! no way! damn this is the curse of the dyslexic, i'll throw it through word and see if that sorts it :3 thanks again
millie
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Experiences like these - and even the smallest things - are what shapes us. This - no matter what it meant for another person - has contributed to shape you into the person you are today. Bad or good, an experience is an experience. When an experience concerns death - or a close call with it (anothers or even your own) - the feelings will always be intense. What matters, in my opinion, is what you take from the experience.
Thanks for sharing - it is an interesting insight into what you went through making a decision and then having to live with the consequences.
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your welcome and thankyou I had to read what you wrote twice, it's a good way of summoning something like this up
everything has a positive and a negative side.
thanks again! millie.
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First of all, in paragraph one, I 'scilence' should be silence, paragraph 2 'thoughs' should be thoughts, in paragraph seven 'and' should be end, and a couple of other mistakes at the end.
But all in all, this story was very emotional, and it's sad when you feel like this, let alone it happens. This is very emotional, I could feel it.
Great job, and keep it up!
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thankyou i'll go through and find out the mistakes right now
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In this case, of course you did the right thing and should not let it trouble your thoughts. To me, sucicide is entirely different than the pain of terminal illness. I know what depression is and you can overcome it...if you're still alive
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thanks yeah, I'm fine now and have had experience with this kinda thing before then but I hadn't really let it get to me. I accept it now, but to start with it kinda through me. and maybe if I hadn't sworn to myself a few years ago I'd never commit suicide I might have taken her place.
weird though lol
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I guess I'm an optimist. I've been in some really bummer spots over the years but always thought that tomorrow might bring something much better. And I also agree with Brum Dubai. If I had a close friend or family member and there was absolutely and I mean absolutely no hope of recovery, I think I'd pull the plug for them.
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this was more on the issue of suicide, this was harder to do than I can ever describe. but thankyou, I aggree with your point entirely however on terminal illness (at least this is what I think you were reffereing to?) thanks again, millie
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Oh my God, that sounds like a horrible thing to have to go through! D: I'm very sorry something like that happened to you!
This entire thing was very powerful and meaningful. It definitely puts a new perspective on suicide...and death in general. This was actually kind of chilling with its abruptness, and haunting flow.
There were some spelling errors and fuzzy sentence structure, but I think if you were to run this through Microsoft Word, it would clear up everything.
Overall, great write! I hope you feel better soon
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thankyou, oh i'm fine now thanks this was sometime last month I think, no about feb.
But I was rather down after it happened. and then she went and told me it's not the first time i'd saved her life which made me hit rock bottom practicaly.
Problem is, I'm the kind of person not to tell my problems to anyone but help sort others issues out, so this just after alot of other crap from my friends in the run up to my birthday made me go into depression.
but I'm stronger now because of it. I just want others to see my view. I don't think I have any regrets.
thanks again millie
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That was so good! It evokes so many thoughts, ideas and...confusions.
I was actually talking, randomly, about something along the lines of this with my parents the other day me and my mum were saying that if someone was say... very ill and in pain constantly with no or very little chance of getting better and they wanted to die would we help them? We said that we should if they couldnt fulfil their wishes themselves shouldnt we help them, if it was what they really want. But my step-dad was sure that no-one really wanted to die, it was just the momment, they couldnt think straight and logically.
Anyway, I really liked this piece, as I said :]
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thanks!
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Very emotional, almost...touching write. I know I would have saved her; death seems like the final resort, one you just avoid going to. And you never know if life would have gotten extremely better so you may as well fight for as long as you can. Wonderful, thought provoking write.
LL
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thankyou i'm glad it was thought provoking. that was the point of putting it up here ^^
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Death or pain?
I pick pain.
Life is a scab, but hope is as much a drug as anything else.
Most of the time i pick death, but as it is another person you have to save the poor sod.
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Thanks. I aggree with you.
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