How long have I stared at these dull walls? The days seem to run together.
This room is almost empty. There is no furniture except a bench which is part of the wall. There are no books. There is no television, radio or computer. There is nothing to pass the time.
The room is lit from above by a fluorescent glow. The air is chilly, silent and still. There is a faint smell of rubber. The walls are smooth and cold. They are a dingy shade of peach, faded and dirtied by the passage of too many years.
The floor matches the walls in color, temperature and texture. It slopes downward towards a round, bloodstained, metal drain in the center of the room.
There is a door in the south wall, slightly lighter in color than the walls. The door is closed. Words and symbols have been carved into the upper portion of the door. "Kill Me Now" has been etched in shaky lettering.
The bench stands about three feet high, is two feet wide and stretches the entire length of the west wall. It is flesh colored like everything else. A thin crimson blanket lies wadded up to one side.
At the top of one wall there is a small triple-paned window, no bigger than a shoebox. The window is too high up to allow much of a view. The only thing visible is a black spider, dead in her own web.
The white paint on the ceiling has dried in the shape of tiny stalactites. The stalactites are sharp to the touch, the only flaw in the room. There is a bright light in the middle and a blue-tinted camera off to one side.
The days seem to run together. How long have I stared at these dull walls?
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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thanks for the comments, all 3 of these stories were written for class. i have an idea for a novel, but not the time at the moment.
~Kate -
Yes, I thought you were there. Again, excellent detail with words chosen to convey both the description and the mood or tone of the room. I would really like to read a longer story by you. Are you working on a novel by any chance? I think you should. Well done! amicus...
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I like the simplicity of the description you use. It seems economical but very realistic and cold- like the atmosphere of the room itself.
I'm not sure if a darked font would be easier to read? As it is, I highlighted it, so any 'effect' from the pink was lost with reading it- a darker pink might be better than having people highlight it out all the time. -
Wow this is very different, I really liked it, I could see all this vividly in my head. The color of the words goes perfect, but the background seems to contradict it, I like that. Nice job here
Irilis -
the background hurt my eyes, and that is the only criticism i have to make. What an awesome write. There was so much symbolism in it! I loved it, it was great. Nice work, and I wish you luck in the contest.
-morgana
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it's not a poem, it's a literal description. i dunno, the story is kinda between the lines. it's a rubber room/isolation room/quiet room in a psych ward.
~Kate -
It was very good, but I thought this was a story contest? It's a wonderful poem and I could really envision what your were describing with such detail. But didn't she asked for a story, like a tale? So, um, according to what she said, you saw a room and remember it vididly..sounds like a prison or jail cell to me...where you in jail and thus the reference to the blue tinted camera? *le sigh*
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Pretty nice sense of description.
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applaudable
Wow this poem was cool. It dragged you into it. really nice. keep up teh good work. -
Wow.. very interesting and creepy. I loved it! thank you for entering..i liked that you didnt make it all long which seems to be happening in this contest heh o well anywho good luck
~*Audri*~ -
i din't see the documantary, i was there.
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EXCELLENT
Sounds like a quiet room for mental patients I saw on TV once and almost described to a T. You must have seen the same documentary on PBS and you described with chilling and precise detail...except no blood...except perhaps in the suicidal person's thoughts who saw no other escape from his pain. Suicide often occurs because there is more pain than resources so I pray every person hurting so badly has enough resources henceforth and forevermore. For who is the greater abuser...life's abuses or the person who commits suicide? So I say SELF MATTERS and choose life. Geeze this must really be good as it brought out the passion in me. Godspeed and best wishes 24/7
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at first i dont feel like reading, yeah it is........ but as i come across with the title "The quiet room" i am just think'n about being in a quite room... having some good rest and just look every corner of the room... uhmmmmmmmmm... how amazing to read such a poem describing the things you have seen as if your just telling things exactly the way it use to be, i am impress the way you portrayed the imagery of what you were thinking the way you want to twist words in description of things having familiarity..and as i read it, as if i was there looking those things you have just say... and you certainly captured the readers mind to imagine things...
and as i finish to read the whole poemm
uhmmm.. this line lingers on my mind as if i am the one who asked it.
The days seem to run together. How long have I stared at these dull walls?
Great write!!i enjoyed reading thanks for sharing.
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WHOW!!!!
This is awesome... The vivid imagery & descriptive nature... Had me sitting in that room...
Wow!!!!!!!!
Great work
Best Wishes
~Tracey~
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Merry Meet
Darkest Greetings from thy Lord & Lady of the Golden Dawn
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Aw huney, ((((huggies))))
As you said, this is a piece that should be held with pride. Yet, it makes one feel utterly alone, left to rot in one's 'insanity'. I know we hae not been able to talk lately, but now that I am back from Theresa's I will be able to get on im. Anyways, I have to get going, mother is over my shoulder. I love you huney, stay strong
Blessed Be
Morwenna Davina -
Greetings,
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I like it... everything was so descriptive. You really get a feeling that you are almost there or that you are looking in on this. Great job with this.
~Lise
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