"Hi."1
She looked up at him through the fringe of her hair and then looked away quickly.2
"I think I just said what is the standard greeting among most creatures."3
Dakota looked at him again, and didn't say anything. She just turned away from the one guy, if you could really call him that, that had accepted her for who she was. Normally his ability to make most things humourous would have caused her to break into bubbling laughter, but today was not a day that was going to happen.4
"Kota?"5
He was closer to her now and she couldn't let that happen. Not now that she knew what she knew.6
"Kota? Is something wrong?"7
Dakota turned towards him and flung a piece of paper towards him, which he caught easily.8
"Kota? Okay, baby girl, you are starting to freak me out right now....Is this because...Is this because of what I told you a couple of weeks ago?"9
He paused with a look of confusion and disbelief on his face. She could not blame him for having those feelings.10
"I thought you said a little after you didn't have a problem with it...Dakota, if you do just tell me! You know I will understand! I would run from friendship with me too!"11
Dakota started to back away. She knew if she stayed moisture would form in her eyes and start to roll away from their point of creation.12
"Dakota!"13
He took a huge step forward and would soon be able to touch her, restrain her and she could not let that happen. So she did the only thing she could do. 14
Dakota turned and ran.15
******************************************************************16
Zack looked after the retreating figure of the girl he thought was his friend. Confusion, anger, disbelief and desperation all flitted across his face. What in the world was going on? 17
He lifted his shoulders and let them fall, allowing a deep breath of air to roll up his chest and out his mouth. He knew that this was going to happen.18
"I should not have told her! You idiot! Stupid, Stupid, Stupid!"19
He berated himself, and the longer he did so the more his eyes changed their colour from the hazel nut colour to the deep greenish yellow. Adrenaline started to rush through his veins and gave him a familiar rush. And he almost, not quite, almost gave into the deep primal scream that bubbled within the dark recesses of his stomach and lungs. He almost tore off the klahn ring, the thin chain with its crest, the single bob earing and the tribal crest arm bands that were all made of silver to offer a token barrier against the influence of the moon. Almost did to offer himself to the easiest way to deal with his unease.20
Zack almost gave himself into it but his eyes happened to flicker to the paper she flung at him scant moments before.21
His eyes scanned the page. With every word, a little bit more of the adrenaline subsided and every piece of transformation slowly returned to its original state. This did not mean that everything was okay however. Instead, a fear settled over his body and mind. A fear not for himself but for the girl, Dakota, that was the best friend he had had ever had, both within and without the klahn. 22
He shredded the paper into miniscule fragments, destroying all evidence that it had ever existed. His feet wandered with no clear destination, as thoughts of what he had just read stormed across his mind. Even now flitterings of the letter pressed themselves into his consciousness.23
###"Dakota, my lovely granddaughter...family duty...it is time...18 years...blossoming...take up the mantle..."###24
But these while important were not as important as the last paragraphs that superimposed itself on his brain and would not and could not be erased.25
###"I wished it could be otherwise, my child, but I have no found alternative as yet. I should have told you a long time ago. Our family has been this way for generations. There is not other way to say this, so me being your straight talking grandmother will say it as is..."###26
Zack tried to stop himself from rereading the paragraphs in his mind's eye, but they would not stop playing in his head.27
###"Everything that I have taught you that didn't make sense, will become oh so logical now that you have reached the age where you will come into yourself. Simply put, our family is part of the Nameshe. We are silverweavers. There are werewolves in this world, Dakota. They must not be allowed to get out of control or take over this world. They tried in the other realm but were banished much like vampires(yes they are real). The Nameshe are here to ensure they do not gain control here."###28
The feminine scrawl of the letter continued to write itself upon his mind.29
### " I had hoped, my dearest granddaughter, that you would be spared since your mother is not of the Nameshe. But all signs point towards the fact that you will be even more powerful than all others before you." ###30
Zack's breath hitched and he started hitting his head with his hands hoping to get the words out of his mind, out of his memory, and somewhere far far far away. But they continued.31
### "Dakota, you must embrace this for fighting it is futile. I know because I have tried. Changes will become more apparent, I am sure you have seen some and are seeing some now.You must endeavour to keep these as well hidden as possible because werewolves are everywhere and any sign of what you are will place you in a very dangerous situation for they will seek to destroy the potential threat that you are at this stage. Keep this letter to yourself, do not even joke with others about this. Guard yourself with all I have taught you. I will write again soon.32
With all my love, with all my regret that this is how this is,33
Your loving Grandmother, Nana Silverman." ### 34
The sick feeling that he had been fighting clawed its way up his spine and burst into his stomach and out through his mouth. He fully understood why she had ran because she had written below the words of her grandmother-"I'm so sorry Zack! Wish I could die than hurt you."- Over and Over again, she had wrote that.35
He believed her.Against everything he was taught and knew, he still believed her. Even now, his heart was making its mind up not to betray her. He trusted her. Dakota was his friend, a true blood friend, one that would not betray him. He had to find her and talk to her.36
As he strode through the trees, trying to follow her scent, he could not help, however, the emotions that ran deep inside.37
"A Nameshe! Of all the people to be a Nameshe, Dakota had to be a blinking well Nameshe!"38
His frustration and disbelief hit the wind and sky.39
"What?!?!"40
Zack's spine stiffened with dismay as he realised what he had just said out loud and who had heard him. He could almost hit himself for being so stupid, on a night like this where every klahn member within a 500 mile radius would be on the night run. All thoughts of finding Dakota flew from his mind and were replaced with thoughts of not finding her. He took a deep breath and put on a face of nonchalance.41
Turning, his eyes struck against the hateful and piercing gaze of the deep green-yellow eyes of his father's top advisor, Rolando.42
"What did I just hear you say?"43
Author notes
I know it needs work, and its definitely not my best work. But Hey I thought i'd try a bit. The ### signal the beginning and ending speech that is not spoken but written so that you know its not the character speaking to others or speaking and thinking to himself.
Have fun with whatever you pick...And all please critique. I need all the help I can get to make it better..
A contest entry
- Can I buy a plot? by Rosewoolf.
150 points, ended May 14, 10 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Anything Goes by Unice the geek.
160 points, ended June 24, 59 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - YAY..... VAMPIRE vs WEREWOLF by jasje.
175 points, ended September 30, 8 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 34 of 34
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aa like the story
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great! you wrote that perfectly. i actually read a story by a proffesional author that was as good as that!
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I assume you name was Paige8 before lol. Thanks for the undeserved kudos!
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great! you wrote that perfectly. i actually read a story by a proffesional author that was as good as that!
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Gracias
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It was very well written. I wonder if the letter information couldn´t be imparted in conversation though. To make it more dynamic. But it works this way too. lol, you´re probably going to have to work hard though, to keep it apart from the voluminous body of vampire versus werewolf work out there.
your talent show though. keep writing.
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Hey, Thank you for the compliments and the advice. I wondered the same thing but hey I was under time constraints for the contest so I just wanted to get to the point where he met up with Rolando.
Well it's going to be up to the contest holder to keep it apart from the vampire and werewolf stuff lol.
Oh but its not werewolf versus vampire though. There are vampires and werewolves and the Nameshe and the Resn. The Nameshe are charged with making sure the werewolves don't try to take over and the Resn do the same with the vampires. lol.
If you want to take this story just check with the contest holder. I don't mind.
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:]
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Trying to guess what that means lol
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This was really well written. Perfect imagery and everything. Write more soon
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Thank you!
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Oh ...My...God...
Oh ...My...God that was terrific!!!!! So much descrip[tion and everything!. You have a very good imagatnation I'll tell you that right now. You have this...how do I say it?....uniquness in your writing. Like...you are so different when it comes to other werewolves and other mythical creatures writers. You have this different ...descriptive language. Different in a good way of course. You can make me picture the color of Zack's eyes pefectly. That is just...perfect! Well done, extremly well done.
-Qwapple -
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Thank you for being so effervescent in your praise.
I appreciate it
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I'd like to read more about this world you've created. Definitely flesh out some of the background, telling more about the different beings/creatures involved and their relationship to one another. I've always felt that it's the background, historical storyline that really gives a story it's flavor. But, maybe that's just me
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Sigh...I believe that too but its not my story to tell unfortunately. I wrote this as a plot offering for a contest held by stryker. She needed a scene to give her a pointer for the direction her story could travel into. So her part of the story has some of the background; some of history. I think at the bottom of this story it has a link to the contest so you can read what I based what you read on.
I'm glad that you liked it though.
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Awesomeness
I really, liked it, but it could have been more descriptive, can't wait to read more hopefully! BTW... why is it called "can I buy a plot of earth"?
language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Hi thank you. I'm glad you like it.
It's called "Can I buy a plot of earth" because it was written for a contest called "Can I buy a plot?" so I just played on the title when writing my story. There actually isn't going to be more, sorry... lol. It was written as a potential plot for the contest for stryker to carry on with the story she had conceptualized.
Thanks for the kudos. God bless and hope your writing experience is a good one!
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Great theme and plot the idea has so much room for improvment.
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Very Good
Are these modern people or from another age? Just be sure to use the language of the time frame. It sounds to be modern and is more difficult to fit my mind around.The girl has a good reason to run from the man if he is changing right in front of her.Werewolves can't be shot to death,they have to be killed someother way. Is she a creature who transforms?
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They are modern but the grandmother is not. So her language is a bit more ummm 'ancient' in terms of the flow. But yes they are definitely modern.
I know the fact about werewolves and being shot but the Nameshe are silver weavers. The silver is the key to everything and its not just using silver. Its using silver in a particular way.
When you say transforms? What exactly do you mean?
He wasn't changing in front of her. He only started changing after she had run away because the emotions made it hard for him to maintain the control he had over the transformation.
Thanks for the comment though
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Nice write! This was kind of an emotional driven plot and made the reading come with ease. The beginning just sucks you into the story and won't let you go until you find out what's going on. I think its great. The only thing I noticed was some really really minor word playing but I guess that's how you wanted it to come out. Anyways, good story.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Minor word playing like the Nana Silverman and screams that clawed which is a play on him being a werewolf? You mean like that? Then yeah wanted it to come out like that.
Thanks for the kudos!
God bless with you own writing -
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I meant word placing xD
doesn't matter. It's all good.
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If this is not your best work then I must make it my task to read what IS you best work!
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lol. I don't think I have a best work as yet. All are so so. I know they aren't my best works cause I know there is so much better out there. Thanks for the comment though!
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I liked it, the writing was nice, and it was a great mix of emotion, writing and..well.. it was great >smiles< Keep writing
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Thank you for your comment. And I appreciate it since I'm a bit down about my writing now.
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very well written
I love how everything flows so beautiffully together! the emotions are so raw, i love it! KUDOS!
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Thank you.
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I really, really like this. It's differnt from the other ideas i have gotten and what I had originally thought of. Lot's of drama. Thanks for entering and good luck.
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thank you!
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Ohmygosh! An amazing plot!!! Excellent grammer, wonderfully constructed sentences...
I am in awe.
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there has to be something wrong....so lay it on me...
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Okay, so I might not be the best of judges- but I seriously can't find something wrong. It's an absolutely wonderful read.
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