"It's good to be home," Patricia said as she opened the door, but even as she did so her eyes widened and she let out a shreik of terror and dispair; her parents lay upon the floor, covered in blood, and, standing above them, was a hooded man whose face was barely discernable but there was no doubt that he was smiling at her.
A contest entry
- -A Contest- How well can you 'hook' me? by Reaver.
2050 points, ended April 21, 59 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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"Despair" not "dIspair".
Hm..this kinda screamed cliche, even if it was interesting. And it was paced too fast too. Maybe if there had been something before this, in which case this doesn't make much of an opener.
- HT -
I'd say this definitely leaves one wanting more of the story. Does that qualify as being hooked?
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Very long sentence that could definitely be broken up.
Shreik / shriek
Dispair/ despair
It seems to lead into something very interesting and slightly terrifying, so very good job with the hook part.
Rian
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Great sentence! This sounds like an awesome start to what I'm sure is a very interesting story. However, this seems more like two sentences, and is definitely a run-on sentence, but despite that, it was a great hook!
Good job, hope to read the story one day!
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i though that, but word processor claims otherwise
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Well, you've definitely got a good hook.
Good luck in the contest.
Brooke
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thanks for the applause and the compliment!
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