new power vs vampire

Late September 7,1818 South England
the times was hard on a working man
to make a living to fit the needs for family's from the
high of high and lows of lows.
There stood one man that hides out in the dark and waken in the flash of sounds and light.
   He knows no rules cause he plays by his rules and his own
time. He goes by many names night-walker, night stalker, night man and the most terror names of all VAMPIRE.1

No matter what he does to change he all ways fall back on the one thing that keeps him going feeding on human bloods. Just the same as before he tides the binds that hides him from the light into the dark, but what a man can do when they live forever in life as a night walker. You walk the street as a man, but not to feel the pain never to know love. Man's greatest down fall.2

But things change in a heart beat. The greasiest love arrives when you at least want it to.
The end of the down fall of man back in September of 1818 came a new hope of power and great fighter and meaning lovers. Sam Jackson came into power over his people for the taking over of South England and money. Power was the choice for this man and his workers, but never follow the guide line of the rules of South England. But the power was going to get the shock of their life the all times push and move. To define them you must become them, act like them, play their games in every twist and turn............3

       Sam Jackson, a man in power wanted everything for his self, the money, homes, lands and the big money maker in streets DRUGS. South England was in the worst times ever since the rapes and murders of the hoockers and the falls of the Kings and Queens.4

new power vs vampire

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Comments


  • Satan-chan
    April 30

    Edit | Reply
    woowwo this is really good write i love vampire movie u know
    because it really cool u know lolz
    ahahah
    hiih
    write more about vampire story okay cause i want to ready i love vampire alot u know hahha
    lozl

    ending: 2.


  • Satan-chan
    April 15
    Edit | Reply
    i think this story is good even though i have no idea what moral that this story teach... thanks...


  • jasje
    April 13
    Edit | Reply
    good story

    beginning: 2, language: 2, plot: 2, ending: 4, dialog: 2, characters: 3.


  • Reaver Greeters member
    April 12

    Edit | Reply

    blackeye3825 ~


    Very Good! ☺
    I’ll start with grammar stuff ↓
    →Don’t forget your spacing, ‘,’s-‘.’s and such…sometimes you miss a couple.
    Other things ↓
    →In one, cause/because
    →In one, night-walker/ nightwalker
    →In two, (You walk the street as a man, but not to feel the pain never to know love) / You walk the street as a man, but not because you wish to feel the pain of being loveless. –would sound better. First sentence has some mechanical issues.
    →In 2, all ways/ always and fall should be fell.
    →In 3 heart beat/ heartbeat
    →In 3, down fall/ downfall
    →In 3, guide line/ guideline
    →In 3, …never follow… is missing ‘to’ between them. You missed a couple binder words here and there, but the overall worked.
    →In 3, you need a comma in the last line between ‘life’ and ‘the’.

    Fundamentally, this needs a good proofread…but, it really was fascinating to read. I liked how you sort of made it narrated by thoughts rather than by a pov. It seems like there is a good history, lots of action and this prelude something great. I look forward to seeing how this story evolves. Thanks for asking me to read this, I truly enjoyed how you have done this.
    Best of luck in developing this…you have a great start! ☺
    Rian (greeter)