Forever

It’s said when someone dies, that their loved ones should be able to feel that there is something wrong. They can feel the presence of the person’s spirit fading and descending intro heaven as they look at their beloveds with one last sad glance before there are departed. Though they will be reunited one day, it seems like forever when they meet again. The ministers in the churches say that we should not fear death and that we will know when the Lord wants us to come with him.1

Then why did Brendan, of all people, have to die?2

He was young. He was energetic. He was crazy. He was lovely. But most of all, he was mine.3

When I had arrived, tear stained and a nervous wreck, the doctor had said that there was nothing that any of them could do to save him. The truck had hit him at enough force to puncture his liver. The gash was big enough to kill him, yet small enough to make his last moments in conscious a little longer than expected. I was led to his room by a sympathetic nurse.4

“Brendan…?” I asked, voice shaking uncontrollably. My attempt to be strong for him failed the moment that I saw him. Machines were hooked up to his arms and a monitor beeped slowly, in pace with his heart. Fresh tears poured down cheeks as I walked beside his hospital bed.5

Brendan gave a weak smile. His blonde hair was tinged with red. My throat tightened as I realized what it was. Warming brown eyes were filled with tears as he saw me. My best friend, my love was dying in front of me. I was completely helpless.6

“Hey, Bree-Bree,” he said softly, voice cracking a little bit.7

He told me the story, my hands interlocked with his. He had been riding his bike home from an after-school detention. Not looking because he had the green light, he sped across the road. Then the truck came. The driver, either drunk or not paying attention, collided with Brendan at the speed of 60 miles per hour. The doctors commented that he was lucky to still be breathing when they wheeled him in. The dripping of my eyes continued as I sobbed slightly.8

“Shhhh,” he comforted me, petting my hand in his. “I’ll always love you, forever and ever. You know that.”9

I hiccupped. “B-but I’ll miss you. You’re the most important thing to me in the entire world. How will I be able to live without you?”10

“Don’t you think that I’ll miss you too?” Brendan asked with a smile. “But I’ll be watching you every single day up there.” He pointed towards the ceiling. 11

He sat up and propped himself up with his elbows, wincing. It was hard for me to see him in so much pain. Leaning up, he kissed me softly on the mouth.12

“I love you, Bree.”13

Almost immediately, he collapsed onto the bed. A smile was etched on his face as the light left from his eyes. I screamed, crying harder. A nurse rushed in and looked over the situation. She hugged me, comforting me with simple words that meant nothing. As I cried tears of sorrow, the minutes ticked on endlessly. My parents eventually came, leading me out of the hospital and back home where I tossed and turned all night.14

That was ten years ago.15

I cannot say that I am completely over Brendan. He was my first true love that ended too soon. I went to college, I got married, and I had kids. Don’t get me wrong- I love my husband endlessly. But every day, as I am doing my daily chores around the house with my husband at work and children at school, I can’t help but feel that I’m not alone. He’s still there, watching over me.16

Just like he promised.17