The streets of New York are always dangerous. Being a cop, I know this better than most. My name is Xander Holland and I have been a New York Detective for the last two hundred years. How can that be, you ask?1
Well, let’s just say that I had a awakening to things other than petty thugs and criminals. It’s because of this awakening that I am no longer human, yet I protect humanity from the hideous evil creatures lurking beneath the city. 2
I uphold the safety and well-being of this city with every fiber of my undead being. Did I say undead? Let me explain where I turned from what I was, human, into what I am... vampire.3
It all started in September 21, 1805. I was a constable keeping the peace in the exponentially growing city of New York. The days were filled with making sure that the city ran smoothly and my nights were spent patrolling the streets. 4
However, it was that cold September night that changed me for the rest of my life.5
That night, the air was bitterly cold as the warm season of fall was slowly turning into winter. The leaves were starting to fall off the trees and everyone started wearing heavy cloaks and coats. 6
That night held a menace in the air that was all around and you could tell that people felt it. They walked hurriedly along to their houses and their places of business like dogs were snapping at their heels. This feeling of menace had them spooked and I was no exception to this.7
The heavy cloak of fear permeated everywhere and it seemed that the shadows played tricks on you out of the corner of your eyes. Was there someone there or was it just the shadows playing on the fears and paranoia of the unknown?8
I was patrolling Wall Street when I heard a commotion coming from a side alleyway. I ran to see what was happening, nearly dodging a man that was thrown in front of me. The man landed at my feet and when I looked to where the man was thrown, my eyes couldn’t believe what they were seeing.9
A feline creature roughly the size of a mountain cat was standing on its hind legs. Superimposed over the creature was an image of a man with gray hair at the temples who looked to be in his forties. A man and a woman were behind him and bleeding from various wounds. The man at my heels was either unconscious or dead. I couldn’t tell which because the creature roared and ran off down the alleyway.10
I whistled and ran after the creature. Gripping my baton, I stopped and threw it end over end, knocking the creature right on the head. The creature stopped and turned to me, eyes red in rage. It roared and came barreling towards me. I backed up in fear until I was pressed against a cold stone wall. 11
I waited until the last second and then turned to the side as the creature ran smack into the wall, momentarily stunned. I didn’t waste any time and ran down the corridor towards an open street and safety. 12
However, I underestimated the quickness of the creature and just as I was about to leave the darkened alleyway, I felt the jagged claws rip into my shoulder and yank me back into the shadows.13
I raised my arms to fend off the blows, but the claws ripped and shredded my skin and bone. I screamed in agony at the excruciating pain. As I was waiting for the next blow, I heard a sickening crunch. I lowered my arms and saw the creature stilled before me. A silver blade sticking out of the creature’s chest gleamed in the low light coming from the moonlight. 14
The creature stumbled back and growled in pain. The creature gripped its chest, trying to remove the blade. However, its efforts were for naught as it collapsed and emitted a soft howl as it died. A man dressed in a long black cloak removed the blade and wiped it off before returning the blade to its sheath.15
He came over to kneel in front of me and I was able to see the man’s face. The man’s face was of olive complexion and his dark brown hair was long and brought back into a leather thong. 16
His eyes were the color of bronze tinged with red. The nose was thin and so were his lips. They were pursed as if he was contemplating something.17
He looked me over, checking for what wounds I had. I knew that I was dying; however, I heard one thing from him before I passed out.18
“Ille nox noctem tuumne it.” I found out later that it meant, “Tonight is not your night” in Latin.19
I awoke to a coppery fluid flooding my lips. “Ebibe (Drink)”, the man’s voice said. Even though the smell was horrible, there was no way for me to resist as my mouth drank the contents down.20
I stopped drinking when a burning sensation started low in my stomach and what felt like a brushfire singed every vein in my body. I convulsed in agony as the contents in my stomach started to heal my wounds. I felt my legs regain muscles, torn ligaments reformed and skin grew at an accelerated rate. I felt the bones in my arms reknit themselves and my teeth grow in shape and size. 21
Two of my teeth, one on each side, grew and were double the size of my regular teeth. They were very sharp as I cut them on my bottom lip and drew blood. I realized that my blood tasted good. It was coppery and I was desperately hungry for more.22
I launched myself from the ground and everything was in red, even the shadows themselves. I heard a soft voice and I saw something out of the corner of my eye. I launched myself at it, thinking that it was a thief looking to loot me. 23
However, it was my rescuer and I went to release him, but my nose caught a sweet scent coming from him. I realized that it was the same smell as my blood and I knew that I craved his. 24
Before I could feast myself on his blood, the man held me back and he stared into my eyes. I felt the beast inside me recede and I felt myself come back as it faded into the background of my mind. It was still there, but it was caged and I was able to release my savior.25
“What am I?” I asked, clearly confused.26
“You are vampire. I turned you because you are not yet finished protecting the citizens of this city. I don’t see your end here in this alleyway, not yet anyway. You have much more work to do. I am Marcus and I will teach you in the ways of the vampire and the night. Come with me and you will learn what to truly fear and look for in the shadows.” 27
Ever since that night, I have protected the citizens of this city from the truly evil creatures that wish to bring harm and chaos to them. I alone know the dangers that rest under the city and whenever the creatures strike, I will be there making sure that they don’t succeed.28
Author notes
This was for a contest and I hope that this paints an accurate picture at a true turning from human to vampire... enjoy!
A contest entry
- Let's see who can do this right!! by Andiness.
456 points, ended May 4, 17 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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I love to browse contests, especially ones that have ended, just so I can look through the stories that I find there. It saves time having to trudge through endless of amounts of twilight fan-fics.
And every so often, I unearth a jewel. This my friend, was done amazingly well. I am a vampire fan and I think that you nailed the turning scene right here. Seriously, well written, good descriptions, nice character development, and no errors to speak of. No wonder you took home gold.
Great write. I thoroughly enjoyed reading this. Too bad though, I would certainly love to read more about Xander Holland.

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This was an original story. I like the way you described his transformation.
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Good luck on the contest.
I really enjoyed reading the story and the way you described how Xander Holland changed from human to vampire. I also like the way you have him tell his story. It makes the character more relistic.
From the first word you draw the reader into the story. It was a fast paced story.
The dialog the way your characters speak yes they make them more realistic and if I had been in that situation I think that I would say the same.
I did notice though where you have said
(However, it was that cold September night that changed me for the rest of my life.)
Wasn't sure whether you meant (on that cold September night.)
it made it slightly difficult to read.
A great story it really was and will you be writing a second part?

beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Oh, good job! Good job indeed. I like that he is actually a protector of the city...and not someone who will cause anyone harm. I would like to know some background about Marcus, though. Will there be a part two?

I really liked some of your descriptions, especially of the way the main character felt when he was turning. It was so very good. I wouldn't know, though, if this is an accurate picture of a human becoming a vampire. I'm at a loss, but it's still good!
I will be IMing you a crit. Well done and good luck in the contest!

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Great job here... The character almost reminds me of a male version of Ashlynn (you know who I'm talking about even if no one else does)
I liked your descriptions and that natural flow of his narration. This was good.
Good luck in the contest


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I would recognize the author of this anywhere, it doesn't matter if the contest hides the name. I would recognize the style and I would recognize the vocabulary.
And to say this was done right would something beyond an understatement. Seriously.

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