"Lynne never wants to talk to you again." convenyed Stacy.
"So be it- so be it." said Joseph with a tired, sulking grin- and a clenched fist. "I have a job."
"What did you say. I couldn't here ya- speak into the phone joseph..." said Stacey.
"I HAVE A JOB!" repeated Joseph
"That is great!" said Stacy "...anything else new.?"
"Just writing! It's all about the art. That's pretty much all I can say." Joseph said realizing he lied about the job, feeling even more guilty.
"Hey?" sings Stacey hysterically laughing. "Guess who's here?"
"Who?" siad Joseph with a quiet pause.
"Stevie!-" She said "He's sitting right here next to me."
"Oh cool let me talk to him." Joseph said with a rush.
She leans over and hands the phone over to Stevie. Who lays in panic from something that happen at his ride this morning. his ride has been down going on two days, and there's talk that it might be down 2 weeks or even more. Stevie's pacing back and forth-a smile, then a huff.
"Hello punkin-" says Stevie extremely churrie
"Hey-thank you for talking to me earlier today!" said joseph
"Well I hope yer feelin better...." related Stevie
"I am- I am." said Joseph "Though can ya do me a favor?"
" What is it?" asked Stevie
" When you talk to Marie, tell her 'don't stop being a friend'"
"Okay!?!" says stevie with a laugh. " You've burned those bridges."
"That's what hurts." cries Joseph "Thats what hurts!"
" But you can always rebuild bridges- YOU CAN ALWAYS REBUILD BRIDGES!"
"I know." Joseph says as he stares off into the clouds, and ponders in the grace given moment of silence........................................
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" You know what?" says lynne with a smile laid across her face. " Sometimes I just want to die!"
" I know what ya mean." says Joseph as they both sigh in unison. Mae and Marie look at Lynn and Joseph with fright.
" Don't say such things guys." says mae sitting on the floor next to Lynne.
"Ya that's scary." sighs marie laying on her bed. "I wouldn't want to lose either of ya!"
" Ya I would climb to the top of the magnum force- and just jump into the rocks." says lynne with a smile
"I'd jump off Gemini, and land on the fence." says Joseph playing on the computer.
marie begins to shake her head, as hse scarmbles through the television. "Stop it you two!" shouts marie. "This is getting eerie!"
Lynn looks at Joseph and they begin to laugh-Joseph twitches in his seat madly almost falls on the floor- Lynne jilts in her bed like a having a seisure or a ghost molesting her entire bodie and soul-
"I want to climb up the Dragster, and just fall and land on my head." says Lynne laughingly with a smile.
"Ya know who would be there to try and catch ya?" laughs Mae with a smile joining in on thier fun. While Joseph raises his hand entranced by the computer screen.
"MA-PA-SIS!" cryingly shouts Marie. " Stop the insanity!"
"It'll only be a short while- then everyone back to the grind." says Joseph as he withdraws out his memory, and drifts back towards conversation.
" What'll be be for awhile?" asked stevie with confusion.
" Oh nothing-" ensures Joseph. "...I was just reflecting..."
" Don't let me stop ya-reflect on!" sings stevie.
"...Reflection can be a bit dangerous-at times! It can give one a sense of freedom, though to the outside it can alienate those who care. A ponder is a ponder! Though a reflection can show and examine the truth-or atleast one side of the truth- which can create a horror, and multitudes of misconceptions!"
" People only remember what they care to remember- which is usually 10% of what actually happen-" says Stevie.
" Exactly- always forgetting that other people partake in thier seperate existence as well!"
" Which is apart of the problem of being alive!" says Stevie.
" Exactly! Thats why I stand numb on this ledge-starring down-just wanting to jump into the rocks-"
" Everything will be ok! Don't say such things....everyones just a bit burnt out. You know how it goes-How long did ya work here?" asked stevie.
" 7 years to much!" laughs Joseph
" Ya thats a long time!" giggles stevie.
" Then they just let me go..." said Joseph clinging to his desperation.
" Ya- but you just got caught!" sighs Stevie.
" Ya- at what people have been doin for years."
"TRUE!" says stevie
"...and I've done worse things- like walking in on my roomate naked."
" Oh i heard about that!" laughed stevie.
" Left a gate open at raptor!"
" Just pick yerself up-and move on. You have people who really genuinly care about ya- but are at the point that they just don't want to ever talk to you again." says stevie.
" Thats what hurts." says Joseph " And I would never say such things- NEVER!"
"BUT- thats just something you don't make up! She knows yer voice." says stevie strongly.
" Maybe it was my voice she wanted to hear- it was easy to hear my voice so she could pin point who she vaguely that it was- it is easy to have blame something on somebody- when you feel you can pin point, even if your not sure- though we live in a culture of "ready to blame" and that everyone is GUILTY till proven innocent. i am the one on trail here- for something I would never have commited myself to. And my sentence is that I am losing 3 awesome friends! I was an easy target- cause i was thrown into this exile- I am the worm- i am pent into all thier present hate and suffering- to toss me aside is as easy as farting- but I am the one who has to deal with the aftermath- the picking of the peices- and now i am ever more torn and feeling discarded- and ripped to shreds! Maybe it was my voice SHE WANTED TO HEAR-but I know I wouldn't do that. I wouldn't call her up at 7 o'clock in the freakin morning- and accoust her- verbally RAPE HER!...and assault her!" Sobs Joseph "Marie is my friend."
"But thats just something someone can't make up!" says Stevie.
" I say call security-and have them check who called that day! It's just something I know I wouldn't do!"
" But you yourself says you were all doped up....?" questons Stevie
" I was on prozac- Prozac makes me sedate- Though I am always concious and aware of what i am sayin and doin!" says Joseph calmly, as he digs into his pants, and scratches his ass. " Though I know myself enough- to know I wouldn't do that! Do you remember when I was extremely drunk at the the OLD DUTCH TAVERN or maybe it was LOUIES?...."
" It was the Dutch- and i was there!" Laughed stevie "you were such a pathetic sight!"
" The whole time I knew what I was doin. From falling all about-at the Dutch- to running around in my underware outside in commons and such-to how i was falling all about in my room like a dieing beached whale in heat-and having stacy, and my sisterlook and take care of me! I WAS AWARE OF IT ALL! And I know I wouldn't do this- to all of ALL PEOPLE MARIE! I admit I love Lynne-"
" Well-thats just a known fact!" laughed stevie
"YES-it is. yes it is! " knowingly aware sobbingly -laughed said joseph.
" Yes it is" laughed stevie.
"And-" says Joseph with a snarl. "...maybe it was wrong to say I was mad at Mae-aboutwhat she said to me about Lynne."
" Thats between you all-" said stevie
" Yes it IS!" cries Joseph "Though it's easier to attempt at 'Redemption' in a story and literature-then in actual life."
"Which is Why You Wrote This Story!!!!!!" hysterically laughs Stevie.
" YES!- The memorys, and the words are all I have left-even the words walk away from me at times!"
" Just keep yerself alive." says Stevie. " It can only get better! And you can rebuild those bridges."
"NOT WHILE I AM DROWNING!" screams Joseph. " I know it gets tough at times-but friends should never stop being friends."
" True. Though they haven't stopped being friends. at this point, with the way your being and behaving- well at the least I know of is Marie- cause I work with her. She doesn't want to talk to you. It doesn't mean she doesn't care, or isn't a friend. There are many people who are friends- good friends- who don't talk, for one reason or another. sometimes things don't make sense. But you gotta live your life with a smile everyday- no matter what!" says stevie
" It's how you walk through the flames that counts." says joseph with a laugh " As Saint CHARLES "hank" Bukowski once said!"
"OK!"
" My death could be my final poem- my last word on this wretched place. " says Joseph
"Life is what you make it." chants stevie.
"If I was to die- i'd die on Feb. 14th- go out like Goathe's ' Young Werther' and end my own present sorrows!"
" STOP IT!" demands stevie. " Who's that?"
"A great german writer/poet/philosopher-who inspired the Romantics- amongst other things!"
"Oh!" said. " Intresting sounds like stuff you would read."
" Marie wrote me an email, a few weeks ago it went like: Joesph, I don't know what exactly you are going through right now, and I can't say that I understand. But I can say that you are better than to take your own life. You deserve better. Getting to choose the circumstances of where and when you die isn't up to you JOSEPH. It's God's desicion, not yours. You have many people who love you, and who would be heart broken if you weren't around anymore. Myself included. Please call me to talk (and don't be creepy this time). You know my extension 8744, and my cell is 734-867-5309, i know i work alot, but please don't give up. You can get a job somewhere, and write amazing books that everyone will read. Remember, it can only get better. I love ya, Joseph. -Marie"
"That was very Sweet." says stevie
"Though I didn't know what she ment by creepy. Until I talked to Lynne- it just urked- and hurt me so- such terribles. There are some people who just don't understand- what they mean to you. and just as sensitive to, but not reading the entire line except what they catch- or want to see."
"It's like trying to read lines in a foriegn film. You can't read verything that quick- if you don't have the right seat or the your glasses on. And sometimes people just don't give ya enough time or room to catch on to what they are saying- and they just move on- without taking the time to realize what they themselfs have said and/or done!" relates stevie. " Though don't talk about killing yourself! emulating a charchter in someone else story!"
" i know write the storie-poem! But don't be them. Though sometimes you get so lost in the poem, and story- that your not sure what is reality. Reality becomes it's own fiction. It's extremely in the eye of the beholder- though everything contains it's own truth and falsities!" says Joseph as a tear lapses from his eye, and down to the bricks below-falling on an ant.
" Be yer own truth- exterminate all rational thought!" laughs nakedly says Stevie unmasking the situation.
" NOTHING IS TRUE, EVERYTHING IS PERMITTED! In a kind of perputual fantasy/reality state. Where nothing is real- not even the air we breathe."
" Though your letting yourself get lost in the story- there's an outer to everything you have stated. Which might hurt those you say you care about?!" pleas stevie.
" But I must be able to create with whatever I need. This all is as much part of my reality- as it is fragmented in hers,lynnes, staceys, and maes."
" All they want for you is to have some job, meet some girl, go back to school, hang out with them from time to time-call- and write your poetry and stories-create your art!-BY GOD"S GREEN EARTH NO ONE IS TELLING YOU TO STOP THAT- you have a gift!- where most of us don't! USE IT, BUT DON'T DESTORY yourself!" says steve angrily.
" It just angers me sometimes-at all this-how everything is so inverted, and latched into one another." says Joseph.
"That's just how precieve it-" says Stevie.
"But this was all I had for seven years of my life. I was a ride host! It's what I loved doing-It's what I was good at."
" No one is taking that away from you. What most of us are saying is that you need to MOVE ON- and just enjoy life." screeches and howls Stevie.
" Though it's hard to enjoy life when everything you love just drips away." says Joseph
"Sometimes- And i am just being honest...YOU DO IT TO YOURSELF!" says Stevie
"I KNOW."
" But do you? You say that-and I hear it through your voice(and in this story) over the phone? BUT DO YOU KNOW?" loudly questions stevie.
"NO!- i don't know!" says Joseph with an honest tone.
"Okay- I heard the honesty in that one." says Stevie.
"Sometimes it's just so hard." says Joseph
" Believe you me- I know and understand. your not the only one in this world who has gone through this." laugh Stevie.
" I'm niether the 1st or the last-though I am only a transition." says joseph
"What do you mean?" asks wonderingly stevie.
" Well in this time of 'POSTART'-'DEADART'-UNLITERATURE-POST LITERATURE-I am working towards a rebirth in all of that!"
" Is that all your working on?" laughs stevie "GOOD LUCK."
"It just scares me in how everything is so intertwind- the chaos theory and the string theory make more and more sense." says Joseph as his eyes follow the etches of the brick layed brutally upon the ground. " It's like my pin number to my bank account-over drawn as it is-My Number to access the account is 5354."
" Okay and your point?" questions stevie.
" Which is a mixture of my intials Joseph Kinsinaski and F. Lynn Huncher."
" Sounds obsessive to me." says stevie.
"In love- especially between a man and a women-there's an obsessive force. Which strings into mind ' Young Werther'- he shot himself because the girl he loved didn't love him back. Thats where I am at."
" DOn't shot yourself." screams stevie.
"NO-NO- it was Unrequited love. That's what I have in common with the sorrow of young werther- though thats where similarties end. I just don't have it in me to kill myself. Though it still all hurts."
" Sounds like gay love to me." laughs stevie. " but that is all the kind of love I know."
" Oh you queen...." laughs joseph
" Ok- go on- it looks like we are reaching the end of the story." quails stevie.
" Ya of this one- But the story of Lynne and Joseph go beyond me- it is a never ending story in the ECHELON of life and love."
"It could easily be Lynn and Gertrude!" adds in stevie "...or Adam and Steve!"
" Love knows no barriers-or shades of skin-or gender!" says joseph " but what i was gonna say that the odd, and wierd thing of the number is..."
"YES?" says stevie.
"That the number is also lynnes Phone extension to her room."
" Wierd!" laughs stevie.
"PLEASE DEPOSIT $.25 for three more minutes of talking, and thank you for using a SPRINT/VERIZON phone..." said the operator
Joseph searched his pockets exhaustedly- though not one quater could be found-before he was done searching all that he could- all he heard was a dial tone- so he hung up the phone-finding a quater laying naked upon the brick in the cold hearted sun.
(i press add story. and add it to my collection- and send it off to marie- drowning in my pageant of sorrow, loneliness and displacement!)
FIN
Author notes
just the freakin story- and screw the "errors" the "errors " r only in yer mind- free the words and just bloddy read them- and critique the story- who cares about the spelling- FREE THE WORDS!OPTION YOU CHOSE
the reaction:
Dj-
I read this email on today july 9th. I read it with admiration and disgust. It's a completely admirable thing to want to rebuild a bridge between us. Although I'm not completely sure the bridge was ever burned in the first place...perhaps just a big stone in the way. Anyhow, I was and partly still am disgusted with the whole incident. I know you whole heartedly believe you didn't call me, and i want to believe you more than anything in this world, but dj-I know it was you. NO-it wasn't because I wanted to hear your voice, or want you to say those things to me, that's absurd-i am with someone. There's just too much evidence that it was you. 1. It was 7 am and do you know the last time i got a prank call that early in the morning? NEVER. 2. it couldn't have been a prank call because the person knew too much. 3. when i asked who it was the person said, 'someone who loves you very much', and then i said who? and they said again 'someone who loves you very much'. And i said is this d.j? and the person said yes. PLUS- just after that i asked where you were at, and the person said D.C. no one else knew you were in D.C with the exception of a few. and i do believe they were all girls 4. they (you) knew my extension. And had called the day before. Hilary took your phone number of where you could be reached at just the day before you called me at 7 am. 5. The person said "You are so beautiful" which you tell me all the time in a friendly manner anyways. a person who prank called me would not use the word beautiful. It's too poetic. 6. When the person asked "if you were here right now would you be with me" i replied "d.j-i have a girlfriend". there was no shock to the person on the phone-it was someone who already knew i had a girlfriend because they went on to say 'that's not what i asked, i asked if you were here right now would you be with me?". No shock at all to my statement that I had a girlfriend. Plus-7. it was your voice. I only had to ask when i first picked up because it was 7 am and i was woken up by the call. I don't know if you were drugged up, haluccinating, or just really fucked up in the head... It may hurt you that I know it was you, and I'm sure you feel ashamed...but it hurts me even more that you're denying it. Why couldn't you have just come out and said "i'm really sorry jackie, it won't happen again. ?" Would that have been so hard?
i still contend that phone call never happened-atleast i never made it. and it sux that it effected me so much- and ruined 5 friendships that i loved!
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