Deep into the pits,
Of everything that's wrong,
Nothing's getting better,
It's been going down too long.1
Deep into corruption,
And all the craves for power,
Wondering what happened,
When did we get so sour?2
Deep into the lies,
Believing what we hear,
Althought they think they can,
It can't fix within a year.3
Deep into the faults,
Where no one sees the good,
The world is crashing faster,
Than anyone thought it would.4
Deep into the hate,
Where we've lost all the love,
When no one gets along,
Not even the jay and dove.5
Deep into the downfall,
Where we spiral to the ground,
When everything's confusion,
I'll be lost until it's found.
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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Again with picking new favorites, having re-read your poem, I picked other parts I really like as well, such as;
Deep into the hate,
Where we've lost all the love,
When no one gets along,
Not even the jay and dove
Everyone sees birds as peaceful loving kind of creatures, so this stanza really pops with the hatred, saying not even the birds can be joyous. -
Deep into the downfall,
Where we spiral to the ground,
When everything's confusion,
I'll be lost until it's found.
I found that to be the most powerful stanza in this poem...It truly drove home the concept of everything, the feeling of being lost because the entire world seems to be as well, and never finding yourself because it is too challanging a task, amazing write.
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You seem to have posted this one twice, and I still love it just as much this time as I did the last time I read the wonderful little piece. The same verse is still my favorite, though, I really enjoy the whole thing, which is why I read it twice and was more than happy to do so!!
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This was PERFECT. And it executed what the world is becoming all too well...It seems like the world has turned into a hate fest...the last line "Ill be lost until it's found" was just an amazing way to end this piece....I am in awe at this.
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"Deep into the lies,
Believing what we hear,
Althought they think they can,
It can't fix within a year."
That and the closing lines are great. This was a deep, meaningful piece of writing. The poem flows well and kept my attention. You convey your feelings well here.
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woooow...That last line
eep into the downfall,
Where we spiral to the ground,
When everything's confusion,
I'll be lost until it's found."
That was gutwrenching because it was true...and it was written so beautifuly...it flowed wonderfly, and the rhyming was really on...The very last line just got me...AMAZING.
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See...I am not the only person who thinks you are writing amazing...Everyone agrees...You write EXCEPTIONALLY well...there is nothing to criticize....you write with no rythm...like free style with a form...I love it.
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Wow this is a great poem! Your descriptions were great, and your rhymes weren't forced or cheesy. Your poem was delightfully unique--the concept, writing style, and word choice made it stick out in a very good way.
Something that you could do to make it even better is to get a rhythm. Like, have each line be eight syllables (that's the most common formation). I think it would make a great poem fantastic. Just a suggestion
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Overall, great job!
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