Love is Letting Go

Grace got out of the car to get a better look at the house across the street, where Tom was headed. It was raining heavily this evening but she didn’t care. She stood there watching, as Tom rushed to the porch so as to avoid getting wet and knocked. A man, who she assumed was Reilly, opened the door and let Tom in. 1

It was dark and Grace could not exactly see their faces or hear them talk, but it definitely seemed like the two men had relaxed attitude and were extremely comfortable in each other’s presence. Yellow light streamed through the tinted window of the house and Grace could see the two dark figures leaning into a soothing embrace. She could feel the familiarity even from this distance. The two men slowly rocked, and their silhouettes merged together as if they were one.2

Grace had to grip her chest with her hands as she felt her heart clench. Stabbing pain was almost unbearable as she felt her knees give way and she collapsed on the muddy side-walk. She was soaked to skin and her beautiful blond strands now sported pearl-like glistening drops. Her eyes were unblinking and her streaming tears were being swallowed up by the rain. For the first time in her life, Grace was dejected that her instincts had been right.3

Tom and Grace had known each other since high-school but it was not until second year of college that they got together. 4

Though most girls were jealous that Grace had managed to trap the seemingly distant and unattainable hottie of the college, they could not help but eventually admit that it was a good match. 5

While Tom was smart, good-looking with thick dark hair, magnetic eyes and amazing physique, Grace was of medium built with deep blue eyes and long blond curls. Their personalities balanced each other as well, with Tom being silent and stern and Grace being bouncy, bubbly person. 6

After college Grace and Tom decided to rent an apartment together in Surrey, where she was set to intern as a reporter and Tom was offered position of assistant professor of history.7

All in all they looked good together and as days turned into months and months into years their friends and family had started betting on the day they would tie the knot.8

Now they had been together for more than five years. She had recently been promoted to a reporter’s level, and Tom was already a professor. The heat in their relationship had cooled down, not unlike any other long-term relationship. 9

Nevertheless, they still had healthy, enjoyable conversations, and even made love, though it was not as passionate or intense as in their early days. Now that she thought about it, Grace realized that Tom had always been a gentle lover. Though it was exciting in the initial days, their love-making seemed to lack the urgency, especially from Tom’s end. Luckily, Grace didn’t like it rough.10

However, everything started changing about three months ago. That was when Reilly moved to Surrey. 11

Reilly took up the position of English professor at Tom’s college and since then all Tom could talk about was his new colleague, Reilly this and Reilly that. Initially Grace thought it was just excitement over meeting someone intelligent and friendly. But slowly she began to realize that there was more to this whole situation.12

It was as if Tom was trying desperately to impress Reilly. He would spend more time in selecting his clothes or making his hair. He had started paying more attention on how he looked and groomed himself. One day he suddenly decided to grow a beard, a French if possible. When Grace complained he explained, “My colleagues think it would look good on me.” Even then she knew ‘my colleagues’ translated to Reilly. 13

Tom started going out more, stayed out late, hardly ever made love to her and gave lame reasons for his behavior. He had become extremely moody. One day he would be as cheery as a lark and next he would be brooding. Sometimes Grace could feel his gaze on her, as if trying to decide something. 14

Tom always thought she was oblivious but what kind of reporter was she if she hadn’t noticed anything. So one night when Tom got ready to go ‘meet some friends at the bar’ she followed him unnoticed.15

And so there she was infront of Reilly’s house slumped on the curb-side, watching the love of her life in the arms of another man, as she felt her world shatter around her.16

The bright lights and loud noise of a random truck brought her out of the reverie after what seemed like hours. Slowly she picked herself up to drive back home, where she planned to get drunk and drown her broken heart for the night.17


When Tom got home it was well after midnight and he found Grace sprawled across the bed, empty bottle of vodka and half filled glass on the side-table. He sighed, swallowed the guilt, gently covered her with a light blanket and stripped to his boxers and got into bed himself. 18

His mind kept wandering to Reilly and Grace and the unbelievably difficult place he was in. Grace didn’t deserve this. He loved her but it was nothing like what he felt for Reilly, it never had been. He had no idea what he should do now. He didn’t want to hurt anyone but then right now he was hurting everyone. He needed to choose and choose well. He only hoped that he had the intelligence and courage to do the right thing.19


Tom must have dozed off at some point, because he was awakened to the sound of doors and drawers opening and banging. He squinted his eyes and saw Grace moving around, more like stomping around, holding a huge mug of steaming coffee in one hand.20

When Tom was finally able to make sense of what was going on, he sat up abruptly.21

“Grace..?”22

“I’m leaving, Tom, and don’t you dare stop me.” She glared at Tom, pure anger in her eyes.23

“Grace, what..?”24

“I said, don’t Tom. Just don’t, okay. I don’t want to hear anything.”25

Tom realized it was best to not say anything, though he was not sure what was wrong. Grace couldn’t have found out about him and Reilly, right? He knew their relationship was at a..weird stage and that Grace was frustrated and definitely confused, but this was really drastic, rather sudden. But then again, maybe it wasn’t so sudden.26

With a final glare thrown in Tom’s way, she left slamming the door hard behind her.27


It was one week later that Tom received a call from Grace. He had tried to call her, see her but she had successfully avoided him. So Tom was relived when she said that they should meet at their favorite place as they had to talk. 28

So he met her at the lake where they had enjoyed many quiet evenings together. This was their spot because they both loved the calm of the water and fading light of the evening that gave way to dusk. Most importantly, this place saw very few visitors. It was isolated, almost like their own private lake.29

It was drizzling softly and Tom spotted Grace standing near the bank, holding a black umbrella. He stood quietly for a moment, watching her. With everything that had happened and what laid ahead, Grace seemed calm and composed.30

He approached her cautiously, “Grace…? I umm..Oh God Grace, Iumm so sooorry. I don’t..”31

“Tom stop!” 32

“Sorry.”33

She looked at him and smiled. Lowering her umbrella, she tipped her head back, eyes closed, as she let the streaks of rain sting her delicate face. 34

“Rain is such an amazing thing, isn’t it Tom? It washes away past etchings and gives way the new life, new beginnings, huh?”35

Tom did not know how to respond so he just smiled sadly. 36

“Tom, look I know there is something going on with you.”37

“Grace, I..”38

“You don’t have to tell me anything, Tom. We were young when we started going out. Thinking about it, I know it had to come to this some day. I mean, I love you, but we both deserve much better.”39

“Grace, I..So you are not mad?”40

“I know I left all angry and mad, but I have calmed down now. I realized that we both had fallen into a comfortable, convenient relationship. And we stuck together because nothing worthy came along. But now, you have found something that is worth it, right?”41

“I don’t know, Grace. I am..” 42

“There is someone else, isn’t there, Tom?”43

Tom didn’t know what to say. He swallowed hard, “I umm..”44

“Tom please, don’t lie to me. Not now.”45

“Yes, Grace, there is. But its new and I am afraid. Everything is so different, new to me. I have not felt like this ever before. I mean, I love you Grace but it was never like this. And worst of all is that now I have hurt you, the one person who loved and supported me through everything.”46

“Tom, change is never easy. Besides, what we had was meant to be doomed. Somewhere in my heart, I knew this day would come sooner or later. You are a wonderful person Tom. And yes, I’m hurt, but then not because of something you did. Afterall, you cant help who you fall in love with now, can you?”47

Tom was not sure who she was talking about, him falling in love with someone else or the fact that she was hurt because she loved him. He guessed, it was little of both.48

“You are amazing, Grace. I don’t know what I would have done without you. Grace..I..I still want us to be friends..?”49

Tom heard her sigh, “Oh Tom, I don’t know if I can. I mean, I care about you. If nothing else, we have always been there for each other. Its just, I need some space to myself. You know what I mean?”50

“Yeah, I understand. Thankyou for being so great about this.”51

“So, you really are in love with Reilly, huh?”52

Tom looked at her, soft smile crossed his face as he nodded.53

“And he loves you?”54

“I thinks so. Its complicated and scary.”55

Grace rubbed her face, took a deep breath, “Tom, I wanted to tell you, I am accepting the position with London Times. I am leaving Surrey tomorrow.”56

Flicker of disappointment crossed Tom’s eyes, but then he recovered quickly, “That’s great, Grace. This is very big thing for you.”57

Grace gave a forced smile and nodded, “Yes, it is. I am excited.” 58

Then she hugged him, 59

“Tom, you deserve to be happy, and so do I. And if you think Reilly is the one then you should go for it. Don’t let anything stupid stop you.” 60

Tom nodded, smiled and gave her a peck on the cheek. Both their eyes were tearing up, after all its hard to let someone you have known half your life go like this. 61

“Goodbye, Tom.”62

“Goodbye, Grace.”